Anyone else feel like they’re going to be alone forever.

[DemureRose]

So I’m almost 18 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never even had a boy admit he had feelings for me. The thing is I kinda have a lot of traits that make me unattractive to guys. See I’m not much of a looker in my opinion. If anything I see myself as average. That’s strike one. I’m also not one to put much effort in looks and fashion. I’m no slob but I’m not going to dress cute everyday. I’d rather wear a baggy sweater and leggings, sorry not sorry. I’m not great at keeping my eyebrows perfectly trimmed so they tend to get a little wild at times. I also don’t wear makeup, I hate how I look with it. That’s strike two. I’m also not swooned by flirting. If you want me to like you, talk to me about your family or job interests. Not how “pretty” I look. Intellectual conversations are my favorite. That’s strike three.

I sound like a fun girlfriend don’t I. But really this is what I portray and I don’t mind it. Because when they get to know me I can be fun. I turn into a giant moronic goofball when I feel comfortable. You just have to be patient and interested enough to get there. I have yet to find someone who is. It’s especially hard in high school where most guys are more fixated by looks rather than personality. Then there’s me. I don’t care much about looks. A guy with a good personality and mindset attracts me more than a hot bod. In fact I find imperfections particularly attractive. Acne scars, shaggy hair, unkept eyebrows, chill fashion sense and weird quirks are what I find very attractive. Maybe it’s my insecurity telling me this is all I will manage to get but I still would like someone. Someone who embraces my social anxiety instead of pushing me away for it. Who knows when I’m feeling certain ways to help me deal it. Etc.

Anyone else out there feel or have felt this way? If so how are you coping or if you’ve found that person, how did you get to that point?

*this is my second post of the day...I guess I’m feeling angsts.

[EleanorRose]

I really don’t mean this in a patronising way at all, but you are still so young. Being single at 18 definitely doesn’t mean you will be single forever. I’ve always hated people making comments about me being ‘so young’ and I used to really resent it, I still get it and I am a decade older than you, so I hate to be the one to use the phrase!

Everyone is different. I had never had a boyfriend at 18. Had my first relationship at 19/20 but am now single again at almost 28.

I had friends in relationships at 18 whose relationships didn’t last. One friend of mine is married to the person she met at 16, another married to someone she didn’t meet until she was 23 (and that was her first boyfriend)

I have other single (at 28) friends, some married, some in new relationships.

I do have the same worries as you - mostly worrying that I am 2 years away from 30 and single - my main worry being the ‘biological’ aspect of having children.

Don’t do yourself a disservice. You speak about yourself in such a harsh way. Being single at 18 definitely isn’t a sign you’ll be single forever. Many of the relationships your friends and peers are in now won’t last forever. Wait until you meet the person who is right for you - there is no rush.

[DemureRose in reply to EleanorRose]

Thank you. You don’t get to hear often that being single is ok. It became less of Im feeling left out for not having a boyfriend and more of how nice it would be. I don’t think me being too young is patronizing. I thought I was too young until recently when everyone around started dating.

[EleanorRose in reply to DemureRose]

It is absolutely ok to be single.

It you want a relationship because you think it would be ‘nice’ that’s a different thing but there should be no expectation to be in a relationship, at 18 or any age!

Do what feels right for you but don’t feel under pressure to be in a relationship and don’t feel like being single now is a ‘sign’ of how your life will be. Do what feels right for you.

Also, it’s true what they say about girls maturing faster than boys. Not all, but most , 18 year old boys are still fairly immature - you will find someone who respects you and your anxiety - they just need to grow up a little first 😆

[Damian]

I don't know what you look like, but the other things don't sound off-putting. A lot of eighteen-year-olds "hide" under makeup I think. They don't like how they look, so they put on far too much makeup in an effort to hide it. For me that says insecure rather than pretty (though to be fair I'm older than the boys they're probably trying to appeal to).

Flirting isn't just about saying how pretty you look. You might find you like it when it's done well... In any case, to have a relationship with someone, you have to talk about more than just how pretty they are. You're going to spend a lot of time talking to them, and that isn't going to keep the conversation going for very long!

No one can judge their own attractiveness. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you see your own insecurities. You can never see yourself how others do, so you might find that boys think you're more attractive than you assume.

[Mpa5524]

I wish I was 18 and single. Now im almost 42 and at times wishing I was still single Hang in there, you have plenty of time to "meet the one" and most likley meet a few inbetween. Consentrate on you and the rest will fall into place.

[kenster1]

I was alone for 15 years but I could never have settled down in that period.in a relationship now and have been for 9 years just about but at times I feel trapped and needing time out.18 is nothing that's you just at the beginning of life in terms of relationships.its not the be all and end all of your life.

[Agora1]

Hi DemureRose, I feel exactly as you do. But at 18, I also felt I'd never find anyone.

Thought maybe I needed to become a nun or join the Army.

We all are different in how we present ourselves to the world. I too always liked the

more innocent demure way of dressing. The natural look. Believe me the time will

come when a young man will appreciate you for those qualities. You are mature

beyond your years in not letting society dictate who you should be. More power to you.

When the time is right, you will meet Mr. Right. Hold on to your beliefs and enjoy these

young years. Stay who you are, it will pay off. xx

[DemureRose in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. You don’t hear often to hold on to your simplicity. I keep telling myself that if a guy gets to know me he’ll like me but often it’s looks that attract someone to you. So that nips at those comforting thoughts. Thank you for making those qualities seem positive.