family

[scf19]

i have a hard time wrapping my head around certain family members who say they love me, but i don’t feel loved by them (in all aspects). they have no problem providing me with financial support (so i feel the love there) but in the emotional department, they are missing in action.

when i’m “like myself”, which is code for who they think i am/who i pretend to be to people please, they don’t mind interacting with me. however, when i’m “unlike myself”, which is code for who i am/the personality that comes natural to me, they are cautious and hesitant to approach.

it all began with my desire to be accepted, i saw how everyone around me behaved (at home and at school) and i thought to myself that in order to fulfill my desire i would have to follow suit and pretend to be a certain way. i had good intentions of course but a year ago, my whole world that i had created came to a halt when my mind and body could no longer keep up with my lie. in the end, i developed anxiety, self-esteem issues, family issues, and a myriad of other issues.

i hid the real me because i had insecurities i wasn’t proud of and i had been called out on those insecurities by family members who now say, five years too late, that they meant what they said about me as a joke. it is no joking matter when the ones you think you can trust, intentionally or inadvertently, damage your self-esteem.

to summarize: i have family and other personal issues that primarily stems from family members’ insensitive comments towards and about me throughout my years of growing up.

final words: i get counseling at my school (once a week) but i’m mostly having to do a lot of the repair work on my own, which i do struggle with a lot. however, i’m trying as best as i can despite those unrelenting social anxiety symptoms.

[Kkimm]

Hi

I do feel for you as it must really hurt to feel not fully loved by your family.

In some ways it is probably that you are not fully understood rather than not fully loved.

Most people with anxiety find that their families and friends find it impossible to understand what they are going through and so can end up feeling isolated and unloved. This is particularly tough when you are young.

You sound as if you are quite a deep thoughtful person and that will be a great attribute in life in the long run but can add to your problems now because it may lead to worries and over thinking at times.

It probably sounds a bit hollow to say this but I think it will get easier with time. Take comfort that your folks are failing to understand you rather than love you if you can. I do understand that it must be so hard to never feel you could be accepted as who you really are. I think this is a common feeling throughout life and again means that people struggle to understand each other properly. I find if I take the focus of my thoughts off myself and try to focus on what others might be feeling and going through, that helps alot. The other person starts to feel understood and valued and is able to start to give something back and it becomes reciprocal.

You could try to tell an important friend or family member how you are feeling and ask if you could have some time to talk it through.

You say you are receiving counselling at school, l hope you feel this is helpful as it could be great to feel listened to and understood.

I really hope you start to feel better soon. Think about going to your Doctor to talk it through if things do not improve.

My very best wishes.

Kim

[RaisingArrowsMama]

Hi there!! I know how you feel, I went through a similar time when I was younger. One thing I learned was I needed to communicate and make time to really make myself heard, tell family how I truly felt and what I was going through. For me, it didn't happen until much later, a lot of pain could have been avoided if it would have been done sooner. You are unique and there is a God who made you and loves you exactly the way you are. He knows everything about you and He doesn't want you to be anything but yourself. Feel free to be who you were made to be, and seek God as He can truly give you courage and peace to be who He made you to be. Counseling is healthy, but make sure you are working at finding a special times to sit down and really connect with your family, and let them know how you are truly doing. Praying you find healing and peace for you!!