Family better off without me

A while ago my anxiety was very bad and I had been chatting to my daughter about it. Her husband shouted that everyone was fed up with me that I was selfish etc. He said the rest of my kids felt the same but when I confronted them they said it wasn't so. I worry what people think of me and wonder why I bother sometimes, would the be better without me. I do a lot for my children babysitting lending money etc.

20 Replies

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  • hi Holly,

    First of all Holly your family would not be better with out you. Forget the baby sitting lending money etc, you are there mum and mean more to them than that. Also I am so glad with the help you have given me with your replies to my post when I needed help. I have had this trouble with my sisters husband, he made it quite clear of what he thought of me and my anxiety in no uncertain terms. I to worried as to what they all really thought of me my family as well and this stressed me out even more. I can only say what I did after a few days after the he shouted at me,

    I thought I know I have this anxiety and if he or any members could not understand it there was not a lot I could do. I cannot change them, I know my family love me as I am sure yours do, but they just don't understand this part of us, and it's only a part not all of us.

    Hope you have a okay Sunday, don't forget we are all here for you on this site.

    Gardener x

  • Oh Holly, that's a horrid thing to say. I know that, the husband said it to me!

    I bet you feel really down. Your family are not better off without you, I'm sure.

    Please don't hesitate to come on here and relay anything you feel, I love to hear from you xxx

  • Thanks so much. It means so much when you reply a d also other people have had the same problems

  • Oh Holly

    I didnt have to think twice about this answer & its a NO they wouldnt be better of with out you in fact they would be lost without you

    I have listened to all you do & to be honest it sounds you do to much at times !

    Sometimes things get said in anger , even though I no it hurts & can take some forgetting

    You have asked your kids & they have said no , i would think they no how lucky they are to have a Mum that does all you do !

    When my anxiety is bad , I no I can think everyone would be better without me about , but when its low so is my self worth & thats what can make me think & feel this way

    I have stopped worrying so much now what others think about me as even if I didnt have anxiety , someone would find something wrong , people tend to do that in general

    As long as at the end of the day , I can put my head on the pillow & no I have been the best me there was that day , than I no I have done all I can & that is more than good enough

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Thanks winter and whywhy. I know if you dont have this condition it can be difficult to understand how it can affect your life. I started with this when 23 it seems never ending

  • I know Holly, I started at about the same age! It's been on and off ever since usually when I seem to have a life changing event!!!! Although my husband saying that I was selfish is the first time anyone has said hurtful things to me and it really hurt and made me doubt myself. You need a bit of you time to get a bit calmer, is there anything you can do today that is nice? I do hope so xxxxx

  • Holly please don't think this way, sometime people say things they don't really mean. I'm alway told that people fear what they don't understand and people without anxiety rarely understand how we feel. Can you try talking to your son in law and explaining how you feel?

    Xx

  • Hi Holly.

    Firstly let me say no family is better off without a mum, she is the kingpin that keeps most families together. Your son in law has obviously never suffered with anxiety or he would not be so critical with his comments it really gets under my skin when people who have no knowledge of anxiety say such hurtful things. I hope you start to feel better soon :)

  • We are talking now but I never really liked him, he's a bit of a tosser

  • Hi Holly

    so sorry that you've have this said to you, I know how hurtful it is....... My brother said to me in an argument 'Im sick of your f-ing depression, Ive had it for 20 years and Ive had enough, its about time you pulled yourself together! '

    A. Hes a man and they don't understand, and open their mouths and say the first hurtful thing that comes out. One thing about our condidtion, we would never hurt someone like that so whos the better person!!??

    B. They have no idea how it feels, men get a cold and they are laid up !! (not all men, not having a go at our lovely fellas on her) lol

    C. He has no right to speak for the rest of you family!!

    I know how hurtful it is, and I felt hurt for days but please don't let his comments make you feel worse, fellas are just self centred sometimes!! (Again not having a go at our lovelies on here)

    Families take each other for granted sometimes, especially taking our mothers for granted!!

    Rise above his awful comment, maybe you could talk to him abuot it when you feel stronger, ??

    Anyway at least you know youre not alone HUn

    Be nice to yourself today!!

    Lots of love

    Ker xxxxxxxxx

  • Thanks everyone. It's so nice that I've got some support. I even feel embarrassed talking to my doctor about it

  • oh that's not a very nice thing to say, people can get frustrated and don't fully understand, my partner said horrible things to me but apologised, still doesn't give the right to talk to you or about you like that. Your kids no you care and always there for them, yes you have your bad days just like everybody, but it doesn't mean you don't care or bother or try your hardest, some people just don't get it. I bet if you didn't bother lending money, baby sitting and all the other thousand of things mothers do, they would actually realise how much you are there for them even with your difficulties, I think that makes us even more of a good mum, having a tough time feeling rubbish yet still carrying on because you care. Your kids know you care, try not to let it get up your back, take it on the chin, be nice to yourself your not a bad person your strong, we can all see that

    Try have a nice day:-) positive thoughts and hugs xxxxxx

  • Watching idiot abroad doing nothing trying to chill out. Thanks for the reply. Good to know there are people who understand

  • Oh I love Idiot Abroad :-D

    I am always watching the repeats , he makes me laugh , I love his out look on things & as daft as he is he can be right in what he says :-/

    He is bringing a New series out of his own on the 20th of this month called the Moaning of Life

    We cant wait for it to start in this house :-D

    xxx

  • I didn't know that thanks for telling me. The only problem that after watching it I don't fancy going abroad what with eatiing toad and toilets with no doors on. Looks like I will have to keep going to Skegness

  • Holly there is nothing wrong with Skeg Vagas :-D

    Been many a time & have happy memories :-)

    Remember though they do send him to the worse parts & getting him doing the worse things possible for are amusement :-D

    I have been abroad & its not like where they send him when you go as a normal holiday maker , promise you :-)

    xxx

  • Hi Holly

    That is a horrible thing to have been said to you...I don't think anyone has ever said that to me, but a couple of people before have said what they think they should say but act in a way that suggests I could just get on with it if I really wanted to because I'm fine 95% of the time...I'm lucky that my immediate family are fully aware that they would fall apart without me! No one would be better off without you, it has been said here before that people with anxiety have tendency to be more generous and kind...

    take care of yourself

    sam

  • Thanks. I might be a bit sensative

  • I don't think your being sensitive because comments like that can really hurt. People don't always think before they open their mouths and things get said in the heat of the moment. I think often part of anxiety is that we have really low self -esteem so negative comments hurt deeply and where others might say go f.. yourself your not so brilliANT YOUIRSELF we think other people really think that and need lots of reasurrance. It sounds to me that you do lots of things for your kids and the most imortant is that you care and nurture them. As for son in law tell him if he can't say anything nice to keep his mouth shut.

  • Hi Holly your family would NEVER be better off without you so get that idea out of your head now. You are their mother and you only get one mother. They love you warts and all. I have never had children but my mother was a very difficult person and we never once thought we would be better off without her! She drove us mad frequently but that was just her. We still loved her. She thought she had to keep earning our love which I found really sad. I told her straightaway that she had already done enough as our mother. Nothing extra was required. Feelings do boil over sometimes in families - that is normal. So don't worry about what your son in law said. So what if he does think that? Your family obviously love you anyway and none of us are perfect are we? I know you are not selfish but even if you were - so what? There are a lot worse things to be. You are a loving caring mother and person and you deserve to be happy.

    Bev x

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