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Should I tell my family about the abuse?

A few days ago I made a choice to respond to a post on here, truthfully and honestly.

For me not something that happens very often. It wasn't intentional but seeing someone

else struggle through nightmares like I have, I couldn't just keep my mouth shut and let her feel alone. I've been alone with this problem for the best part of 20 years and it's drained me of anything resembling a life!

About a year ago I went to see a therapist and told her about being raped when I was 13, she was wonderful and helped me so much but it brought the memories of being abused when I was 7 back into the front of my mind. I have tried for years to recovery from anorexia/bulimia and now my anxiety is so bad that I can turn on a dime and be the most horrid person in the world. I'm so angry all the time and in so much pain (that no one ever seems to notice) I just can't see a way out.

I don't know if it's still plaguing my thoughts because no one knows about it. I'm terrified to tell anyone as it was a friend of my family that abused me. please if anyone has experience or advice I'd be so grateful.

7 Replies

Hello. I'm sorry about what happened to you. I can't even begin to imagine what you feel. I can't offer any advise on how to get past your plaguing thought... all I can say is this... The world is filled with so much ugly and sometimes we have to look hard to see the beauty. I promise it is there. Just like there are bad people there are good ones. So surround yourself with good people. Maybe if you share your story with friends and family you will see how good people can be.

I can't imagine what it takes to open up about your past like that, but just sharing with us makes me feel that you are a strong person. Enjoy your life the best you can, leave the past were it belongs and live in the here and now.


Thank you so much

I will try and see the good people around me, unfortunately I don't have a lot of friends left, being the way I am, but it's helped to tell people on here and get support back rather than judgment and shame. I think all the good people are on here. It takes a lot of the anxiety out of it when there's someone you know won't tell you it's all your fault.

I will open up, I will see the good in people, I will live in the here and now.


Hi I've been thru similar my attacker was my cousin. will loved by my mom. I never told her I told two aunts, an uncle and my ex. But not my mom only because I know she would take his side :( my dad not a chance I'm afraid he'll suffer a heart attack.

My point is I was selective with whom I told based on how I felt about those people and how trustworthy they were and wouldn't jump to rash decisions. It helped me get past this ugly dark patch in my life.

It's your call you decide if you feel like this will help you move on DO IT. Don't let it control you, don't let that horrid person control you.

I will admit that whenever I see on the news that a man raped or molested a girl I always think if it's him and it scares me. But it's a reflux we won't get over it but we can learn to overcome the pain, betrayal, insecurities they've caused us.

Stay strong,



Thank you so much Yaz

I can't begin to tell you how much your reply has helped me.

I'm crying over my keyboard if that gives you some indication. To know someone else has been through a similar situation and gotten out from the grip of it.

I really appreciate your advice about only choosing trustworthy people and knowing how they would react. I'm really sorry that your mum would take his side. I can't imagine not wanting to kill someone who did this to my daughter or any girl.

I completely agree with you on the media coverage at the moment, it's hard to deal with, it brings it back into my mind over and over again, but then I think I wish I could publicly shame, humiliate and destroy the people who did this to me.

So I shouldn't be hurt by other girls and boys trying to do the same, I should embrace their courage and move forward to put the blame where it belongs.

I hope that karma kicks your cousins ass and gives you the wonderful life you deserve, thank you so much for helping me feel stronger.

If you ever want to chat please PM me x



Awe your welcome, I'm glad I was able to help in a way.

I know I would do something if they tried getting at my babies.

I know what you mean about wanting to out them out, but our world we live in is messed up. We will get blamed for what happened to us!!i was 11!! I didn't know what sex was!! Yet in some way we will be blamed.

All I say is that karma does get back at these guys.

This idiot since around the time he did his stuff, he would always say he wanted a good looking wife and a family. He's nearing his late 40s and still none of that, he's called my mom crying of his "misfortune", thank you Karma! He suffers his own way, just like he had made mine upside down.

Your attacker will get slapped so hard when he least suspects it.

Or maybe they already did.

Thank you, and likewise PM whenever you need a chat.




My experience of abuse lasted from when I was a toddler to the age of 17. I developed deep depression and, when my GP asked about possible causes, I told her about the abuse and she arranged for counselling. Once I was reassured that I was free from all blame I gradually, over the years, confided in a chosen few and, long after both my parents had died, I told my brother.

I chose to believe that dwelling on the past would ruin no one's life but my own, especially after watching the abuser suffer for years with his guilt and an attempted suicide. It has definitely

affected my relationships and I choose to remain alone after a failed marriage, and I live now for my children and grandchildren, with my past firmly behind me.


Hi trainer :-) I'm so sorry you went through that not just once but twice, no wonder you feel like you do. I've never been through such a thing and can't imagine how I'd cope with it. If you are looking for opinions ....I'd tell at least just one person...the person you feel closest to be it parent sibling or friend. It may make things just a little better for you and I'd ask to go back for more therapy as it helped before and maybe it will help further? Sending you happy warm hugs


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