Lonely and scared

[Onlyfools84]

I feel so alone and scared! My only real support is my mum and she's going on holiday tomorrow for 2 weeks!!! I've been suffering with health problems which are still being investigated so I feel like I'm in limbo land as they still don't know if anything serious is wrong with me. My life has changed so much in 2 months and my anxiety kicked in and it has been the hardest couple of months of my life and now I have to get through 2 weeks with just me and my daughter and try to function as normally as possible and my daughter starts school in a few days so I really will be even more alone all day and I'm so scared in case anything happens to me and I'm scared of my own thoughts. Usually my mum would come round when my daughter is at school and it's nice to know someone is there to support you but 2 weeks feels like a very long time and as I'm scared to go out alone I can't even fill my time with that. I know I'm being selfish my mum needs a break and I really hope she has a great time but at the moment I don't feel like an adult who is capable of looking after myself let alone my daughter. I'm really scared. I know I can talk to her on the phone but it's not the same. I don't have contact with any of my other family and I have no friends either. I really want to be strong for my daughter but I am so upset and worried and I can't get a grip 😥

[Agora1]

Hi Onlyfools85, I've been in the same position as you when my daughter was young. Losing that support person for 2 weeks is hard on our imaginations but somehow we do survive.

I didn't have friends either nor a forum for support. Even though I kept to myself with neighbors, I did reach out to the ladies next door. It was hard to tell them about my anxiety but they graciously told me they would be more then glad to help whenever I was alone. That in itself helped immensely. I never had to call them but just knowing somebody physically would be there in literally a "heart beat" made me feel secure.

Now that you have the forum, I would say to use that in between your mom's calls and your daughter being at school. It will give you some support and understanding. In the evenings and weekends, I would tell my daughter, we are having a girl's night out. Make it something special. Ordering a pizza, playing a game together, coloring together, watching a movie. It will give you some reassurance as well as make your daughter happy. We will be here for you, just remember you will be okay. xx

[Onlyfools84 in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora1 thanks for taking the time to reply it means a lot. I know your right my mum has gone away several times before and I have got through it and coped and once she was back I wondered why I made such a fuss! I suppose I'm more scared this time because of my health issues and still waiting for a diagnosis is torture. I know I have always suffered with anxiety but it spiralled when I had my daughter and since then I can't seem to be emotionally strong for her and struggle with such simple everyday things and this last 2 months since being taken ill has knocked me so much and I am so worried about the future as potentially I have a life changing condition to deal with. I do have siblings but don't really talk to them and don't feel like I can burden them they all have their own family and problems. I do say hello to one set of my neighbours they are a nice older couple who probably would help if I was desperate but again don't want to feel like an idiot just because I'm scared and can't cope with being an adult. I just wish I was strong enough to give my daughter a good example she's at a very impressionable age and I want to feel capable to deal with life and look back on these hard times and be happy with how I handled it and got through. My mum always says I have a very negative attitude towards everything and she is very right but when I feel like this positivity is really difficult. I will try to keep busy today as I have plenty of housework to do and talk to my mum a bit later on to make sure she got there safe and try to be positive. Thank you again for your advice it's nice to know people are listening x

[Agora1 in reply to Onlyfools84]

Hi Onlyfools84, reading your post is like looking in a mirror and seeing myself. Everything you mentioned is me including not wanting to bother my sister because she has her own problems. Not wanting to bother neighbors. Is it a part of not being able to cope with being an adult? My mom was always there for me, helping me with decisions and just listening. Now that she is gone, I'm lost. We are both stronger than we think and have to change that way of thinking.

I am more than listening dear, I hope this forum will reduce your anxiety some by just knowing others are out here to help you through the next couple weeks.

Let me close with something that happened to me yesterday. After having been agoraphobic for so long, getting out for short times is difficult. Yesterday when pulling into my drive, I noticed a neighbor standing right there with her walker waiting to talk with me. I stopped, opened the window and say "hi". I had literally been hiding from everyone for several years now.

She said how nice it was to see me and asked how I was doing, briefly I told her about the agoraphobia and anxiety and quickly changed it to her. Told her she looked good and how nice to see her walking around by herself mind you. She smiled at me and said "Yes and do you know that I'm 100years old." I couldn't top that one.

Went in the house and felt a little foolish telling a 100yr old woman my anxiety issues. Take care and know we are here for each other. xx

[kama24]

Hi, I read your post and believe me you are not alone with this. I have had panic/anxiety more than half my life. For a while it was controlled with Paxil but after going off it last Nov. my life has been turned upside down. I too fear being alone. The only one I have is my husband who is into my sports and away a lot of days and a week every fall. Now I have developed nausea that cannot seem to be controlled even with prescription meds. Yes, I have had a lot of gastro testing. Panic is not east to get control of, it controls you at times. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed I cannot control my own emotions then I get crying. My mind goes to "what ifs" when I am alone. I do have Ativan 2mg sublingual for "emergency" episodes but it is not to be taken regularly. It does help. More than half my life has been spent in fear and now, that I am old I realize how much I have missed. Back when I was young there was no help available....you were told "it's nerves, stop dwelling on it". Easy for someone else to say. Try keeping your radio on when alone. I am starting Cognitive Behavioural Therapy classes next week. I am so desperate I will try anything. When I was young and our daughter was tiny I would go stay at my parents when my husband traveled every other week for his job. That was a longgggg time ago and here I am right back in the same place. I've tried relaxation techniques, relaxation music, work books and more.....I truly feel for you and I do understand. I could go on and on but you don't need my woes. Please know you are not alone in this.

[lorianxiety]

hi there,dont allow those feelings of no one there for you get you down,hang on theres always this forum and im offering help if I can..always here ,try to find thingsthat make you feel good about yourself take care-----and always let us know when things are getting too much for you.