Having suffered from an Anxiety disorder since April of last year, and accepting all of my symptoms, feelings, thoughts, triggers etc 100% without fail since August last year and never trying a single pill... I think it’s safe to call it that this is probably the best I’ll ever be at. Whilst I’ve made huge steps in my recovery from where I used to be.. the underlying anxiety *still*lingers. No fear is added to this I must add, the sensations arise on their own with sometimes no obvious reasoning behind it. Sometimes my body sends a mild signal when a trigger arises, sometimes I get no signal at all. But the misfiring hasn’t gone away completely , they are just more manageable now. I cope. And that brings me onto Anxiety recovery as a broad spectrum from a sufferers journey and my personal opinion as a result. My opinion is just an opinion and not concrete, however I believe those that claim to have ‘recovered’ have only got to a point in their lives where they don’t care anymore about these lingering feelings, they get on with it , they accept them. If you accept them, great... I do it every single day, but they are still there. But... the word ‘recovered’ to me means that the anxious thoughts , feelings, reactions to what you *used* to fear, simple aren’t anymore. I get good days , and I get bad days and I’ve come to realise that whilst some may be able to FULLY recover, the majority cannot, and never will. I get days where I feel great, and I get days where I feel awful. Anxiety is a normal part of life when in a rational situation, it’s going to arise from time to time, but then once that situation has passed, the anxiety subsides and never returns , why? Because you forget about it and get on with your day as you haven’t crossed the border into the ‘disorder’ land. Once you’ve crossed that border, I don’t think we ever get back to the way we once were where Anxiety didn’t consume our lives, instead we just accept it now as a part of us and have to embrace it everyday until the day we die.
Apologies if this post has come across negatively, it was not my intention however my hope has faded and I’ve finally realised that this is me now. Is that me finally giving up? Finally accepting? Maybe. Time will tell, but I’ve tried time... 8 months of it. I guess i’m just done grasping onto the bullshit ideology that anxiety disorders can be FULLY overcome.