A daunting realisation & conclusion - Anxiety Support

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A daunting realisation & conclusion

Carl87
Carl87

Hello all,

Having suffered from an Anxiety disorder since April of last year, and accepting all of my symptoms, feelings, thoughts, triggers etc 100% without fail since August last year and never trying a single pill... I think it’s safe to call it that this is probably the best I’ll ever be at. Whilst I’ve made huge steps in my recovery from where I used to be.. the underlying anxiety *still*lingers. No fear is added to this I must add, the sensations arise on their own with sometimes no obvious reasoning behind it. Sometimes my body sends a mild signal when a trigger arises, sometimes I get no signal at all. But the misfiring hasn’t gone away completely , they are just more manageable now. I cope. And that brings me onto Anxiety recovery as a broad spectrum from a sufferers journey and my personal opinion as a result. My opinion is just an opinion and not concrete, however I believe those that claim to have ‘recovered’ have only got to a point in their lives where they don’t care anymore about these lingering feelings, they get on with it , they accept them. If you accept them, great... I do it every single day, but they are still there. But... the word ‘recovered’ to me means that the anxious thoughts , feelings, reactions to what you *used* to fear, simple aren’t anymore. I get good days , and I get bad days and I’ve come to realise that whilst some may be able to FULLY recover, the majority cannot, and never will. I get days where I feel great, and I get days where I feel awful. Anxiety is a normal part of life when in a rational situation, it’s going to arise from time to time, but then once that situation has passed, the anxiety subsides and never returns , why? Because you forget about it and get on with your day as you haven’t crossed the border into the ‘disorder’ land. Once you’ve crossed that border, I don’t think we ever get back to the way we once were where Anxiety didn’t consume our lives, instead we just accept it now as a part of us and have to embrace it everyday until the day we die.

Apologies if this post has come across negatively, it was not my intention however my hope has faded and I’ve finally realised that this is me now. Is that me finally giving up? Finally accepting? Maybe. Time will tell, but I’ve tried time... 8 months of it. I guess i’m just done grasping onto the bullshit ideology that anxiety disorders can be FULLY overcome.

17 Replies
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Carl87, I think you are very right in that you didn't give up but you just accepted this as your new life. Many people with chronic conditions will go through the different stages w/ anger, denial, fighting until acceptance and coping with how our life has changed comes about. It's not a defeat but a learning strength that whatever life throws upon us can make us stronger. We may mourn the way life was once so carefree and look towards our new journey in life being more constructive in how we live. Life is still good but now has a more profound reason. :)

Carl87
Carl87 in reply to Agora1

Thanks for your reply Agora. I’ve come to realise that this is me now... yes anxiety can’t harm me... it’s just a feeling. I must hold on tightly to the good days and not be disheartened by the bad. Life is for living as best I can WITH or WITHOUT anxiety. Denial has been my biggest downfall, a refusal to accept that this is me now forever, and deep down ... literally craving for a break where my brain finally gets the message there’s no threat anymore .. but as time as gone by, reality has set in more and more and I’ve realised it ain’t ever going to happen. I should be thankful that’s its only anxiety ... people are suffering with much worse debilitating conditions. I was just having a frustrated rant I guess. Each time a wave of adrenaline hits me over certain triggers... I think ‘Really? Come on , give me a bloody break... I’m done being interested in reacting to you anymore, a long time ago.. I’ve moved on , but you’re not letting me’.

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to Carl87

Carl, I'm glad to see that there is someone else who talks down to anxiety out loud. I will not allow anxiety to control me as it use to but sometimes....it's a little more difficult. Keep Positive :)

I agree i don't think you can ever be fully recovered, yes some days are better than others, you might be doing ok for weeks months even years but that's fine, some of us are just grateful for that tiny little glimpse of normalcy

Carl, most people can recover, most people do recover completely from anxiety disorder.

The exception are those who have inherited anxiety, some hormone flows too easily, but they are a minority. But even they can learn to control their anxiety so that for most of the time, for long periods of time, they feel completely normal. I am one such, you most probably are not.

Eight months is not a long time to recover your quiet mind. You have made good progress and what you describe is a triumph of willpower. But even after that a shadow lingers on. This is quite normal, this too shall pass.

You are perhaps too optimistic in expecting full recovery in 8 months. 'Let time pass' was the fourth commandment of Doctor Claire Weekes whose method for recovery has helped untold thousands to reclaim their lives.

You talk of 'accepting' and so does Weekes. But I think you mean different things. You mean 'putting up with' and accepting this is the best you can expect.

When Weekes spoke of Acceptance she meant accepting all the symptoms of anxiety disorder FOR THE TIME BEING calmly and without turning the flash of first fear into second fear.

Acceptance was her second commandment (my word not her's).

Anxiety disorder is all about our nervous system becoming over sensitised and as a result sending out the bad feelings and the symptoms of anxiety disorder. That sensitivity is maintained by fear and the fear of fear. The nervous system is not healed of its sensitivity over night.

You may be having a good day, not a care in the world, and yet anxiety still strikes. Why, you ask? Because your nerves had not had long enough to recover, you thought they should but they had not.

Carl, have you read Claire Weekes' first book titled 'Self help for your nerves' in the U.K. and 'Hope and help for your nerves' in the U.S.? Same book, different titles, both available new or used from Amazon.

I recommend it for it brings understanding, reassurance and a road to complete recovery that she claims everyone can achieve.

The book was written 50 years ago so the social context and gender roles may seem dated to our eyes. But you will soon recognise yourself in its pages.

Doctor Claire Weekes M.B., D.Sc., F.R.A.C.P died many years ago but if you combine the recent reader reviews of her books on amazon.com and amazon.co.uk there are nearly 1,750 and 90% rate her method as Very Good or Excellent.

Carl, Weekes did not deal in bullshit promises of complete recovery. She dealt in the certainty of complete recovery. The untold thousands whom she guided to cure either in her clinic or remotely through her books underline this claim and many left their testimony in the reader reviews already mentioned.

You have come a long way on your own, Carl. I suggest it is now time for you to complete your journey to reclaim your quiet mind in the company of Claire Weekes.

Carl87
Carl87 in reply to Jeff1943

Thanks for your reply Jeff. But I know all about Claire weekes’ approach. I’ve practised it for 8 months. I didn’t buy / read her book but I found audio mp3 files online which I found wonderful at the time and helped tremendously.

I know all about 2nd fear, I certainly do not add that consciously as I know that is only adding fuel to the fire. For 8 months I completely dedicated myself to acceptance, not avoiding anything and living my life normally. However the symptoms are still lingering and frustration has replaced the fear now. I could be sitting at my desk in work and someone would say a certain word and I’d get a flash of adrenaline to the stomach... then it instantly passes , no more follow.... an hour later... someone else could say something and it will happen again .... this time the feeling may linger a little longer for say half an hour ... on and off then stop. So that is what I currently am dealing with on a daily basis. Other times then, I’ll get bouts of brain fog/derealisation for a week or two then it completely goes.. what causes it? An overstimulated hypersensitive nervous system no doubt. The permanent crippling anxiety I first experienced has long disappeared , which I’m extremely thankful for.

I am not giving up hope, I have simply accepted for me that these reactions going off take time to fully stop, if at all. Like I said , sometimes when these associations arise, I get no fear reaction at all. Frustration is the key word here and this is me.

My mother revealed to me recently that when she was carrying me, she was very anxious ... but ... I spent 30 years absolutely fine, it wasn’t until hitting 30 that I developed the disorder. That to me indicates that it may not have been hereditary and that it was indeed self inflicted.

Anxiety is also stored as memories , and past triggers are always going to be there until new memories and associations are formed. It’s a long and gruelling road, but to compare myself to this time last year, I’m a new man.

Jeff1943
Jeff1943 in reply to Carl87

Carl, thanks again for sharing your story with everyone here. Eight months is still early days: I think there is every chance that by continuing with your anti-anxiety stratagies further improvement lies ahead for you, I certainly hope so.

Also have the pressures that prompted your anxiety disorder 8 months ago been neutralised, these might include worry, over work, disappointment, grief etc etc

Carl87
Carl87 in reply to Jeff1943

The pressures that started my anxiety were intrusive thoughts about certain things, I’m pleased to say those thoughts no longer exist which has been eliminated through acceptance. All that lingers is random bouts of adrenaline around my body , sometimes for no reason... and other times because they react to triggers which were related to the thought, if that makes sense? Some are stronger than others and it’s completely random and intermittent with no set pattern.

Anxiety symptoms become stored as memories once you've experienced them, like any other memory they can pop up from time to time, a certain smell or place can trigger any memory including anxiety, but that doesn't mean you can't have your life back, I have many memories both good and bad, anxiety being one of them, but I can tell you hand on heart I AM RECOVERED, :-)

Carl87
Carl87 in reply to suzie482

Hi Suzie,

Would you mind sharing some of your story? Thanks

Hi Carl87 my story is a very long one. too long to explain in great detail, but in short, my anxiety, depression and panic has in the past had me confined to my home, it's lost me friendships and relationships, it's scared me to death, at my lowest point I couldn't even wash myself, I was petrified of everything, all normal daily activities became impossible, I felt I was in constant danger, I was convinced I had some undiagnosed illness that would eventually kill me, I was a wreck. My journey has been full of despair and self pitty, why me? etc. I have on a couple of occasions felt better and was able to get some aspects of my life back, it was during one of these occasions that I realized that if I could get some of my life back, then why couldn't I get it all? that's when the hard work began, I went all out, I studied anxiety, I studied my reactions, I read book after book, I went in a 6 week course, I wanted as much information as I could possibly get, I can tell you with honesty, knowledge is the key, if you can get to a point were you understand how anxiety works you will understand that it's all based on your thoughts, you have to loose that fear, you can't fight anxiety because you are the inventor, it comes from you, my life now is completely different, working full time, I can live, I can breathe, I can travel alone without being scared stiff of dying. Knowledge, accept and let time pass, you don't have to fight, we are captains of our own ships, we our the inventors of our own thoughts, anxiety is stored in my memory bank now along with many other experiences, and thats where it belongs, any anxious thoughts or anxiety symptoms I get now are when I need them, if I step out into the road I want anxiety to step in and alert me of oncoming traffic, if I have an interview I want anxiety to give me that rush to keep me alert and help me respond to questions, if I'm walking home in the dark I want anxiety to accompany me to keep me safe, I need that extra adrenaline rush in times of danger, anxiety is a normal reaction, its what helped keep our ancestors alive. Xxxx

Carl87
Carl87 in reply to suzie482

Thank for your personal story, I am very grateful for you sharing and I greatly admire your courage. I can’t even begin to imagine the struggles you endured at the height of your anxiety and panic, but by the sounds of it you’re a changed person and have your life back, remarkable! Your an inspiration and I agree entirely that it is all created by our own thoughts and If we continually focus on it , it’s going to persist ! We created it , we can also reverse it. I’ll have a read of your posts :)

suzie482
suzie482 in reply to Carl87

I'm pleased if anyone can get any comfort or inspiration from not only my posts but from others too, I know the anxiety struggle it's horrendous in its symptoms and has no preference when choosing it's victim, but thankfully we have communities like this one, full of fellow sufferers who understand, if we can help each other in anyway then this community is indeed worthwhile, I still come here and read and offer advice wherever I can because I know how lonely and frightening anxiety can get, wish you all the best xxxx and thank goodness for this site :-) xxxx

Hi carl187. I too have been suffering an anxiety disorder since last year. When I went to my GP he also said it was anxiety. No labels, no particular diagnoses. This bothered me at first. I have been a part of this forum for some time, and some very knowledgable and thoughtful fellow members have reminded that anxiety is anxiety, they are all symtoms. No labels. This helped alot. I too have been suffering from intrusive thoughts. Mainly just one thought that plays constantly in my head. Does cause a lot of anxiety. I don't know if I'm learning to accept the thought or avoiding it, but the past 2 days it has been very faint in my mind if at all. Maybe its because I'm keeping busy I don't know? I too am doing all the self help I can to recover and get my nerves to a calm state, no medication and no therapy. Although at times I feel I should try both, as I know it helps so many people and someone dear to my heart as well. No judgment there. It's been really tough to to go through these anxiety symtoms, but I'm doing it. I can relate to your symtoms and your anxiety fears. Why does the intrusive thought go away for a while and then come back? Does this mean I haven't accepted it yet?

Thanks for reading

Carl87
Carl87 in reply to Worrier35

Hey worrier35, don’t worry it’s all normal. Mine came and went and when they came I didn’t label them after a certain point , I was just like ‘ok you’re back, stick around as long as you want, I’m no longer bothered’. One of the biggest things that helped me was a clip I found on YouTube. Not sure if you’ve seen it... type in ‘Bignoknow thoughts’ huge game changer! Amazing. Also... realise that because you experience fear to these thoughts , it’s comfirmation that they will never come to fruition.. ever :) the fact you experience fear , proves this. And even if you don’t fear them in the future , you will instead laugh at them at how preposterous they are! Just practice and keep accepting them , thats all buddy! Good luck.

Worrier35
Worrier35 in reply to Carl87

Thank you for responding to my post, really appreciate it :) I will look that up for sure! I try not to worry lol, sometimes it can be difficult. I tell myself I can do this!! I can change negative into positive!

WE GET WELL IN PROPORTION TO THE AMOUNT OF DISCOMFORT WE ARE WILLING TO BEAR. BEAR THE DISCOMFORT AND COMFORT WILL COME. COMFORT IS A WANT AND NOT A NEED. a pain viewed with despair is totally different than one faced with fortitude.

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