Really Bad Day at Work Today

[Cforte]

I had a bad day at work. My boss scolded for me for a few issues, including watching TV on the computer while I am covering the office for her (I work at a parking garage). While I know I can't use my depression and anxiety as a crutch or an excuse to be lazy at work, what she didn't know was I was actually trying to fight the constant panic attacks I get, especially when I am covering the office alone and have to deal with our customers. In fact, I was mostly on this site trying to get reassurance so i would calm down when I was scolded for not working. I am also late quite often now because it is hard for me to sleep at night and sometimes don't fall asleep until the sun comes up, though that is the exact time I'm supposed to be up for work! Before this I was never late in 3 years and got nothing but compliments on my work ethic. So the anxiety is really hurting my job performance, to say nothing of my social life. The good and strange thing about it is the conversation got my mind off my panic symptoms and the increased blood pressure and circulation and alertness made me feel better, even if I was a bit upset, not to mention being scared about my job. It is when I am "up," with my alertness alleviated, my blood pressure and circulation elevated, more blood going to my brain, and my mind distracted on something else, that I can avoid the intrusive thoughts and feelings of panic. Which is why I take stimulants like diet/energy pills or just plain caffeine. When they are working I feel great! When I come down from them, the panic tries to kick in (so I don't think sedatives like Xanax and such would work). Ironically, it is when I am relaxed that I start obsessing about my breathing and chest. (This may also be due to my chronically congested nose that I can never breathe through and the sinus pressure, feeling like a hand constantly trying to suffocate me.)

I see a psychiatrist on Wednesday. I know I need medication, but after a bad experience with one (a generic version of Lexapro), which may have not been the medication's fault, we still don't know, I just hope this psychiatrist can prescribe the right one. If I get medication, I am taking a week off work to get through the side effects, hoping they aren't real bad and don't last too long (I have plenty of vacation time, so I can afford to take two weeks off, but that puts a lot of pressure on my employer, and as you just read, my boss is not too thrilled with me right now). Even now, as I am writing this, I am sighing every few seconds, I just feel like I need to, and it is making me tired and my chest muscles sore. I don't know if this is just OCD or what, I just feel I have to sigh, like taking a deep breath too often. The doctor explained that I can get dizzy and light-headed doing that, because it deletes the CO2 in our lungs and body, and on each deep breath or "sigh" the feeling of not getting enough air gets stronger because your body knows you really don't need all that extra oxygen, no matter what your thoughts say, so fights against it. I just don't know how to stop sometimes. It was worse when I got home and the adrenaline stopped and I tried to relax. Thanks to the bad day I had, I finally almost panicked when I got home. (I was fighting it good at work with other things to keep me occupied.) This is like having an itch in the middle of your chest, where the sternum is, and only taking a deep breath and expanding the chest can "scratch" it. Yet i know it is not my lungs. The feeling is in the wrong place and the dr and ER both said my lungs are healthy.

Anyways....I am ranting and babbling now.because I am still so anxious....if I get medication, do you think a week should do for the possible side effects? Or will they last longer? And how should I prepare for them? I find that if I know what to expect and how to plan for and cope with it I can handle it better. And I hope I get back to my old self again and have good days at work. Thanks for letting me rant!

[Agora1]

Hi Cforte, I've been following along with your posts and want to reassure you in what you are experiencing is high anxiety which is exacerbated by your taking diet/energy pills or caffeine. Two of the biggest triggers for anxiety disorders. You need to learn how to settle your ruminating thoughts down which are causing the physical symptoms to be so pronounced. The mind/body connection is powerful. Learning and practicing mind control through acceptance and will power can help put you in better control of your emotions.

Looking into alternate methods that can be used can be just as effective if not more than popping a Xanax, which is short lived. I don't know if you are using something to calm you during your work hours so that your body is not so overly stimulated by the time you get home making your anxious state continue.

Tell us more in how you deal with all these symptoms? Do you do deep breathing? A very effective and quick acting method to use anywhere, anytime. It's always with you and no one need know you are using deep breathing as a coping tool. Start looking into some of these practices that may help you. You'll find a lot of the methods on YouTube. Watching and listening to a video explaining how to reduce your stress can help get you started. Take care Cforte and breathe deeply.

[Cforte in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, Agora1. But I can't function at work without some help with energy. Even when I used to sleep well before my anxiety came back, I was still always tired and out of it without help. Of course, that could be due to depression. Sometimes I don't know if I am depressed because I am tired or if I am tired because I am depressed. For me, the caffeine and other stimulants actually help. Because it is when I am alert and energized that I stop thinking about my breathing and chest, the causes of my anxiety and panic attacks. This is a catch 22: be awake and panic-free at work while on stimulants and suffer with a (hopefully) mild panic attack later? Or just be tired, foggy-headed, weak, sleepy, and almost unable to function at all at work (and in other situations) and STILL possibly get a panic attack later? Of course, I hope all this will be addressed when I see my psychiatrist.

Deep breathing doesn't work with me because I have breathing anxiety. Thinking about my breathing makes my anxiety worse. I need to get my mind off of my breathing and chest and trust my body to do the right thing automatically as it is supposed to. Getting my mind off my breathing, as opposed to deep breathing and other breathing exercises, actually helps.

I cope with my anxiety and panic attacks by distracting myself, getting my mind off of them. I just have to stop obsessing over my own health since I know everything is fine (except for severe nasal and sinus congestion...but are not life threatening.) At home, there is a city simulation game called SimCity that takes a lot of focus and concentration, so is successful at getting my mind of my breathing. At work and in other situations I just try to be "present" in the moment and focus on what is going on around me, and not on my body.Thanks again though and I appreciate you following my posts and for your caring and advice.

[Agora1 in reply to Cforte]

It is a Catch22...it will be interesting what the psychiatrist suggests on Wednesday..... I wish you well with your appointment. Please let us know how you do. There is a different answer that works for each one of us. They will find it for you. My best, Agora

[Jeff1943]

Cforte, you ask if you go onto medication will a week be enough for possible side effects to pass. I suspect probably not because you haven't started taking the meds yet but you are already worrying about the side effects that you are expecting, imagination will fulfill your expectations.

May I say that you are concerned about the symptoms you are experiencing to the exclusion of the cause, anxiety. Only by focussing on the cause and successfully freeing yourself from anxiety will you be free of the symptoms. But other than a hint of meds I see no evidence of a plan to overcome the anxiety.

Of course, you may be hoping thst the psychiatrist will do that for you. But psychiatry is an infant science.

If your anxiety is causing serious problems like with your ability to hold down a job then a period of respite that meds will bring is worth considering. But don't start taking them expecting a bad attack of side effects, or imagination will oblige your expectation.

Meds have their uses but they do not cure anxiety disorder. There may be other ways but I only know of one way to do that, we have exchanged posts on it before I think, and it begins with the letter A.

[Cforte in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you. There is no reason for me to have anxiety. Everything was great in my life and just getting better. Now, I do have a reason for it: the anxiety itself, the possible panic attacks themselves, a lot of new medical debt.........before, though, I was fine. A diet supplement I took gave me a panic attack, and my mind being as weak and suggestionable as it is, hasn't gotten over it and is now very sensitive to anxiety and panic. That is just my theory. Things I used to just pass off or not think of before (like my heart, breathing, and chest) now preoccupy me and I obsess over them. My mind is too weak for me to fight this on my own. And the cause is, to me right now anyway, just a mystery, or were the diet pills. So I have no plan to overcome this...because I don't know what caused it, other than diet/energy supplements that I have now been avoiding. And I did take medication once and to this day no one can definitively tell me why I got so dizzy, if it was a side effect or something else all together. If I know what the side effects are, how to cope with them if they are not too bad, and get some moral support and experience from people who have been through them, stayed on the medication and got better it helps. Yes, we've talked many times before. And I do appreciate your wise insight and experience. Thank you.

[Cforte in reply to Jeff1943]

Btw, just fyi, I also suffer from depression, and both, depression and anxiety, run through both sides of my family. I have two siblings and a grandmother (90 years old) on antidepressant and antianxiety meds.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Cforte]

Cforte, inherited anxiety is quite common, my ancestors had it going back to the 19th century, my mother and daughters have it. This means thst it's likely to return from time to time but if we know how to deal with it successfully then it doesn't rule our lives.

It's a fine line between depression and anxiety, sometimes it's hard to tell them apart. But I believe we get depressed because of our anxiety disorder but if we can heal ourselves of the anxiety the secondary depression resolves too.

May I suggest again that you are too introspective, still concentrating too much on the symptoms of anxiety rather than the single cause of it all which is the anxiety itself. A diet supplemeny cannot give you an anxiety attack, your over sensitised nervous system did that.

So I suggest that you accept that all your symptoms are down to anxiety, do not question your doctor's diagnosis and believe he or she has 'missed' something.

Whatever other paths you choose to follow for recovery can I also suggest that you read a small book that was written 50 years ago that has helped untold thousands to recover. It was the first book to advocate the Acceptance Nethod of recovery: the idea that if we can learn to ACCEPT all the symptoms of anxiety without fear then we stop resensitising our over sensitive nervous system every five minutes with fear - and give our frazzled nerves time to recover. You see, fear and the fear if fear is the cause of all our problems. So go to Amazon and look up 'Hope and help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes. You will note there are several hundred recent reader reviews even though the book was written before you were born. You can buy a copy new or used for just a few dollars. The book is life changing, you will soon recognise yourself in its pages and feel the author knew you personally. 90% of the reviews rate it as either Very Good or Excellent.

It will bring understanding, reassurance and a road to recovery based on accepting our symptoms for the moment. I commend this book to you.

[Indigojoe]

You have an excellent "diary" of your thoughts, feelings attitudes and beliefs to take with you to the doc on Wednesday. Print this out if you think it would be helpful. All of what you describe is exactly what the doc should be interested in. Let us know how the appointment goes........

[Cforte]

Btw, just fyi, I also suffer from depression, and both, depression and anxiety, run through both sides of my family. I have two siblings and a grandmother (90 years old) on antidepressant and antianxiety meds.

[Cforte]

unfortunately my boss has all next week off and she has put in for it a long time ago so I have to work it. I was going to take it off in case I do take any medications after visiting the psychiatrist tomorrow so that if there were any side effects the first week I could get through them without being at work. But now I'll have to take them and suffer any possible side effects at work or just wait until the week after and start taking them. By the way I'm not the only one, as you know by being on the site, who is concerned about possible side effects. I've read a statistic, I don't know how true it is, that out of a thousand anti depression medication users, 65% stopped using because of the side effects. Of course I hope there aren't any side effects or if there are that they will go away quickly and I can persevere so I can get better somehow. And thank you all for being so sympathetic and patient with me.

[b1b1b1]

You seem to be obsessing about possible side effects from anti depressants. Are you aware that you are overly worried about this? Ask the psychiatrist about side effects in order to relieve your anxiety about them. Usually you start with a small dose. Side effects are not terribly likely and if they do occur would likely be minor. Also, your difficulty sleeping may be caused by too much coffee and stimulants.

[Cforte in reply to b1b1b1]

I am dead tired at night and feel sedated. It is obsessing about my breathing and fighting off the panic attacks it causes that keeps me up. I don't have insomnia. Why I don't take Xanax. I am so tired already, I am afraid of what it would do (and what it did the time I did take it.) It is perfectly normal to want to know what the side effects of medication are and then how to cope with them. I hate surprises. If I know what to expect and how to handle it, I'd feel much better. For example: if the side effect is nausea, some advice could be "eat with or right before taking the medication, " "eat certain foods," or "take anti-nausea medication or dramamine, if your doctor approves it." For headaches, advice could be: "talk to your doctor about pain medication that won't interact with your antidepressant." For dizziness, some advice could be "eat regularly. Make sure your blood sugar doesn't get too low. If you get dizzy, lie down and let it pass. It will stop eventually." Practical advice like that is better than saying, "you're just obsessing about the side effects. That's all. Stop worrying." Now it could be I won't have any side effects, but I hate surprises. I just want a plan on how to cope with the side effects if any happen because I do want to stick with medication. I know I need it.

[Cforte]

Update: I saw a psychiatrist, and just as I thought, my doctor didn't know much about Lexapro. It is supposed to be taken at night and with food. Not in the morning, like he prescribed. My psychiatrist said the severe dizziness I felt when I took the Lexapro was due to it being a side effect that was exacerbated by not eating, i.e. low blood sugar, and not eating with it can also cause nausea (though I didn't have that.) My doctor didn't know that, neither did the doctors at the ER when I went there the day I had a bad reaction to the Lexapro because of not eating. I was also prescribed buspirone to take when needed but no more than 3 times a day and not at night as while it relaxes you, it also causes you to be alert.

As for the cause of my anxiety, there are many. I was referred to an ENT specialist because of my chronic sinus congestion that makes it impossible for me to breathe through my nose, always giving me the sensation of suffocating, which then causes me to panic. My father had that, a deviated septum, and got surgery for it. So it is in my family and can be genetic. My father also has sleep apnea and uses a c-pap machine, and it is very suspected that I have the same, so I was also referred to a sleep study. Not sleeping right and getting enough oxygen to my brain could be causing not just the chronic fatigue, lethargy, and forgetfulness, but also my anxiety. I am not allowed to drink grapefruit with the buspirone, yet I just bought some Apple Juice because I didn't know that until I read the medication's directions and because when I felt dizzy that one day on Lexapro Apple Juice helped a lot. Is Apple Juice a grapefruit? I forgot. Of course, as many of you said here, I was told to stop drinking energy drinks. I just don't know how I'll function during the day since I am not sleeping at night due to the anxiety and until a sleep study is done which will then give me a remedy for my sleep apnea. A pharmacist told me that coffee or anything with caffeine won't interact badly with my medications, but would nullify their effects by possibly giving me anxiety. So what do I do until I can sleep better?

Other than that, today was a great day. I avoided panic attacks and didn't obsess over my breathing once. On the way home from the psychiatrist I walked a path along the San Diego River, taking photos and videos of the water, the flora, and of the wildlife. It was very relaxing and I felt good that I was able to enjoy some nature (in the middle of an urban city) again without panicking and because I haven't done so in almost a year. I was also able to sit still for a haircut without panicking and take public transportation (the San Diego trolley.)

Tomorrow night I will start my Lexapro medication. I can't today because, sadly, I already had some energy drinks. I will also give the buspirone a try tomorrow at work. I asked if I should take a week or just a few days off work so I can adjust to the medication, but the psychiatrist didn't think that was necessary. Of course, I have plenty of vacation time, so I can ask for that even without a note from a doctor. I just have to do it at least two weeks in advance. I am thinking of taking a few days off around Easter.

All in all, it was a good day, and I hope the medication I got works well with few or no side effects until the cause of my anxiety (possible sleep apnea and chronic sinusitis) can be addressed. Thank you all for reading my long posts and helping me out. I'll keep you updated as I go along with everything.

[Indigojoe]

GOOD report. I came on here to read what had happened to you today. The UPSIDE to your anxiety, is that you had a great day without problems, so you now know that a good day can be had without the extra meds, too.

What you can do to stay awake without the monster drinks??? Believe it or not, WATER, liquids. The more hydrated you are the more awake you will feel.

Picture a grapefruit in your head.

Now picture an apple.

They are different fruits therefore different juices, so you will be fine with apple. ALways dilute your juice with a big splash of water, or pour over ice.

High water content fruits will keep you hydrated too. Grapes, melons peaches etc. Swap out hydration for the caffeine drinks. The "withdrawal" of caffeine might be a headache, so take some Tylenol with you just in case. I am not prescribing, I am suggesting.

If you stay hydrated you probably will not get the headache.

You got this..............and you will be better in no time.

[Cforte in reply to Indigojoe]

Thank you, Indigojoe.