Anxiety Support
35,103 members38,866 posts

Panic disorder and dating

Ok so I have been dealing with panic disorder and struggling to go far from my house except to places I feel are safe or I don’t know how to describe it. But I work, I’m a personal trainer and I work out constantly so I know my symptoms from panic attacks are not going to do anything to me, but i still for some odd reason fear them. But I recently started dating someone and she lives about 38 mins away, and she is getting frustrated because she always comes out my way and she wants me to come to where she lives, which is out of my comfort zone, so my question is should I just say forget it, and go and let what happens, happens. She knows about my condition and is not judge mental or anything like that, she just wants me to come down to where she lives, what do you guys think.

Sorry for the long question, just didn’t have anyone to ask advice on this. Thank you

6 Replies
oldestnewest

If she is understanding towards your condition then she should understand that going out there will flare up your anxiety attacks. I'd say keep trying. Try to talk to her about what you go through and how it makes you feel when you leave outside your comfort zones. If she still can't understand then she is not the one for you.

2 likes
Reply

That is very true. Even though she has been very understanding, she gets frustrated and let’s me know at times, which makes me feel horrible because I want to go, it’s not that I don’t you know, it’s just right now I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t want her to think it will never happen but just right now I am working through it. I don’t want to go stay with her, and just be miserable the whole time if that makes sense, I don’t want that to be a memory. She says she is understanding and what she has shown, shows me she is but she has never had anything like that so it’s hard for her to understand it no matter how much I explain it, but I have to keep trying to do things out of my zone, it’s just that for a weekend is too much at this moment, not that it won’t happen just right now I’m not sure. I like her though and I don’t want her to take off just because of this, but you are right if she does, then she was not the right one

Reply

Explain to her exactly what you just wrote. Baby steps

1 like
Reply

They'll never be the right time or a good time to go, the only thing you can do is go and deal with it, it's that simple.

You can do it, you're a big boy Ben.

At the height of my anxiety I went from my home in a country village to London for 5 days which was 2.5 hrs away or 300 miles, I didn't want to go, I tried my best to not go, but I went and I'm glad I did.

1 like
Reply

BritBen, You have conquered the biggest anxieties { for me at least} , WORKING OUT! You have a great body and can keep to a schedule and routine.

May I suggest that you accept who and what you are right now. If you can not drive out to her location, DONT. When we want something badly enough and it is RIGHT, it is easy.

GIve yourself 6 months in therapy with someone who deals with phobias. Find the best therapist you can. Indulge in intense consistent therapy and get to know yourself.

I speak from both sides here. I traveled as a dancer in a large show, and came back to college and was part of a Japanese karate team.

AND now, with a few events that came back to back in the past few years, I don't go far from home. It is always the story you tell yourself about yourself, or events that you judge in a negative " ain't it awful" way.

Forget about dating right now. You deserve to work out the mind muscles, get to know yourself, and put in the time to install positive, comforting thoughts that will get you what you really want.

1 like
Reply

So I know I left this kind of a long time ago, but wanted to give an update. I went, and I did it. It was awesome, I had a great time and it has actually made me want to stay away more. Now this was a crash course exposure, which I do not recommend, but like joey21 said there will never be the right time, the right place, the right situation, you really have to just make it happen and be willing to make it happen no matter what. So who ever comes across this, yes you are strong and yes you can do it. Thanks guys for all your replies

1 like
Reply

You may also like...