So fed up of my anxiety symptoms

[Kellt]

Hi Everyone and Happy New Year, wishing you all a relaxed and anxiety free 2013.

Ive had enough of my horrendously scary anxiety physical and psychological symptoms, ive seemd to have gone down every avenue of help now and as much as i know ive got to suck it up im finding it very hard. My anxiety started when i started a job in a gp surgery, it was the most hostile and unsupportive environment ive ever had the mispleasure of working in. I was severely bullied by a senior partner and when a final straw came i appoached my manager i was told her "my hands are tied and thats just him" . Ive never felt so demotivated, lonely and isolated. I seemed to cope at the time but reflecting on it all, it is definately been source and trigger for my anxiety and panic states. A very close family member became ill in summer and they would not let me take a day off even when we as a family were called into the intensive care unit as he had taken a turn for the worst and was very critcally ill. Long story short, i was so angry at my workplace for this and just kept bottling this angst, anger, frustration and anxiety. On his discharge home he was great but his wound started to open so i took him to a local walk in centre and sta with him thinking of a million secenarios.... I worked up to a state where i needed to get out, couldnt breathe, heart pounding, sweating, i didnt know whe to book myself in, call an ambulance. I was on my hand and knee outside the main entrance as i didnt want my family member to see. This started my panic attacks and lifted a lid on the most almighty anxiety.

After this i remained to have horrnedous panic attacks but carried on at work as i knew at some point the right job would come along and i needed a good reference. My anxiety was at an all time high, and it had now moved onto my health and why am i having palps and shortnessof breath. (i have a run of svt in jan last year probably brought on through stress and i feel very scared of it happening again) i seemed to have tried everything, i saw my gp who gave me propanalol, which didnt help any anxiety but im still taking them. Things got alot better in my life in sept, my husband secured a fantastic job, and i gained my dream job. So i didnt really have nothing to worry about, but the anxiety if me putting my notice in and the reaction of the management was unbearable. Lots of snide comments and my new job being alot easier etc... I just kept my head down for the reference.

As it was hugely stressul i saw my go and asked for some help, she prescribed sertaline 50mg and i was ecstatic as she described it as a wonder drug. I took one the next mornign and preceeded to have the most terrifying freezing cold chills, whizzing up and down my body like electric currents and it scared the living day light of of me. I self refered for CBT, which i found totally useless.The counsellor said she didnt want to know about any reason i came to refer but what u felt like in the last week. Her approach was to just stop when i get a negative thought and do something else, when this didnt work she posted me a "worry tree" thats she wanted me to write on which seemed a little futile as i think a talking therapy would be my best best. I then went back to my gp who said she cant give me anything else and "the best thing for you young girl is 5 portions if fruit and veg a day, so pull your socks up and eat up" which i found very upsetting as i went to her very upset and left in an even worse state. In the kead up to christmas i found a local group talking therapy but there was no structure, there should have been a 12step recovery programme that was followed but it was never address and seems like a was of time.

Im gradually pulling myeslf together,my panic attacks are few and far between but this anxiety if horrid. In the kead up to christmas i was very very weepy, my sleeping is appaulling. Im having sort of night terrors, as soon as i drop off i wake with a fright and banging heart. Im having a more positive day/night as im reasoning through stuff but it the nights where ive raced ahead with my thinking and sen myself in a coffin.

My main anxieties lie with my health, and becoming ill or collapsing in front of my children and dying leaving my children without a mother. I had my first session with a psychotherapist this evening and whilst its costly im begining to may a bit of sense about things. Its seems i needed a good old fashioned talking therapy.

Im sorry to go, thanks for listening. Does anybody else have times when they are very upbeat and can reason with things and then days where your convinced death is around the corner? And has anyone had help with their sleeping as this is getting unbearble. Ive got to get up in 3 hours and dropped off for about 10mins and woke with a horrific start. Im just wonder how to tackle my gp with sleeping meds. (i already take natrasleep and calms throught the day with rescue remedypastiles)

Thanks again and sorry to go on.

Kellt

[Hidden]

Hiya kellt, yes I have exactly this. We have spoken before, though I must say hun when mine first started it was 24 hours a day but like you I have learnt to reason with myself at times if death thoughts. It hasn't gone though it is mainly night time I have IT now. I just can't seem to reason that I'm not going to due in my sleep and my son will find me in the morning which means I get no sleep or maybe couple of hours, and I think sleep is a main part of this illness because if I'm slightly tired my physical symptoms worsen which will then make my thoughts worse. And I see things like if I need to pull a plug out of socket I'm going to get a shock and die, or when I walk home from work I'm going to be mugged and stabbed and die, or cross the road while going shop and die, well you see the picture lol anything I do the outcome will be the same. But can usually talk myself out of it. But at sleep time I can't and every morning I wake up I am shocked (so pleased) but so shocked that I didn't die in my sleep!

But if we think how far we have come from day one of this, we have got a good chance of it going altogether.

I haven't taken any meds for this. Have had counciling. Not CBT but I want to try this.

All the best, wishing you a wonderful day ahead

[ilsonbunny]

HI KELLIT

yes I have had all the horrible stuff you have described.I also went through hell when I decided to Whistle Blow against my Manager and senior managers.I had a fantastic GMB union representative who knew his stuff and held my hand all the way.These people are Bullies and I have challenged bullies all my life. I think the worst part was I live alone and was the sole bread winner so was afraid I would loose my job. I came out the winner and shot everyone down in flames. As regards the Panic/Anxiety I had suffered badly on and off for 35yrs but with the support of a great Gp team and CBT councillor I am managing my Panic Attacks most of the time. There are no weaknessess only overdone strenghs. Keep in touch

xx

[Kellt]

thank you for your comments, it does give comfort that other go through this and were not alone but its not nice for everyone. Its truly horrid. Im not sure which avenue to go down now, hoping the psychotherapy will do help.

thaks again everyone and ilsonbunny, i can really sympatise, working in these environments is very distressing. great that your over coming some symptoms.

x

[Hidden]

Hi. Kellt. You are very wise to go for psychotherapy. It saved my bacon, but you have to have the right therapist for you. There are many schools of psychotherapy and many practitioners so make sure you get the right one. By the sound of it you have and I couldn't agree more about the 'good old fashioned talking therapy'. I found CBT to be so superficial. Many get on with it and good for them but it is not getting to the root of the problem. For those in the early stages of anxiety, maybe, but I have seen them all come and go. From Behavioural therapy (from which they all spring) back in the 70's, to the modern numerous expensive 'get you well in a week' type. They are like fireworks, last for a while then are gone and something else takes over.Nothing, but nothing beats talking to a good counsellor or psychotherapist. That, plus medication in the early stages can help enormously. It does, however, take time and is not an easy process. One can get fed up and want to withdraw but my advice is stick with it. It will come out right. CBT is a way for doctors to get you out of their surgery. As I said, it does work for some but I do not believe it provides a long term answer to the problem. Now wait for the howls of protest from pro CBT people. We can agree to differ on this site, that is the beauty of it. Good luck with your efforts. I wish you well. jonathan.

[Hidden]

I have just seen your remark about 'pulling yourself together'. This is exactly what psychotherapy will do. You see we are 'fragmented' in this illness. Bits of us all over the place. To come together, to be 'whole' is the aim of Holistic medicine. Not many therapies have this in mind. j.

[Kellt]

Thanks for the words Jonathan6789, i feel encourgaed by your positivity with psychotherapy. Thanks

[misaq]

hi kellt, i run ptsduk on facebook , and did an article on bullies , and how the sufferers get post traumatic stress disorder. sertraline is a ptsd drug , and is used for panic attacks . from what you have said you have been abused in the workplace , and are now needing talk theropy , you really need to see a psychologist, as they would get to the root of the problem and work with you . you need to ask your G.P for a ptsd assessment , they will know what you mean , once this is done you will then be put under a psychiatrist who will then sort out your medication and refer you to the psychologist. it sounds drawn out kellt, but it needs to be done sooner than later , people think it will get easier if i leave it , but it is always there. by the way i suffer from ptsd too, and one of the many symptoms is anxiety...

take care...