It's taken me 4 years to tell my husband about my panic attacks

Two weeks ago I was having a very rough time. I had a lot of events going in that I was planning and the stress overcame me. I sat my husband down and cried like a baby telling him I was having daily panic attacks and I couldnt take trying to hide it from him anymore. After I broke down I was feeling better but now (2 weeks later) I feel embarrassed around him like every time he looks at me he thinks I'm having one even when I'm not. Since telling him I've been having more anxiety! I'm afraid he thinks I'm weird now or not the same woman he married.

I had panic attacks when we were dating but not daily. I went a period of time right after we got married and didn't have any. We have two kids, 3 and 2. The past few months I can't seem to get my anxiety at bay. I'm not my normal goofy self and I'm constantly thinking of my health. Which then makes me have panic attacks. I've gone to the Dr and everything is fine she says. She tells me to just try and relax. I so badly want to get myself back!! To be able to just enjoy what is right in front of me when I'm playing with my kids instead of physically being there but not mentally because I'm battling myself in my head to stay calm. I'm sick of it!!!

If anyone has advice please help! Thank you


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11 Replies

  • Mamakatie84, I am really sorry for the way you feel, because I have been in the same exact place myself. I kind of envy you because you still have someone to make sure or show concern once in a while that you are getting an attack. In my case, people just think I am faking it all up. Because anxiety just doesn't show any physical symptoms, and any changes that should make your loved worried about your health.

    I think the key is to not fight it. I understand you might have heard this from a lot of other websites and people, but trust me, it really is as simple as that. Just go with the flow. When I first got into this panic attack crisis, I could fight it. Everytime I got a spike, I tried controlling it, and thought if I let it go, it would eventualy end up getting me a heart attack or something. However as time passed by, my persisitency to fight with it, deminished. Fighting these attacks is not a pleasent feeling, it is more likely that you will eventually run out of the strength to fight it. That's when it started scaring me a lot. I thought like I was losing the battle. I was so afraid of these attacks ever since, that I usualy would burst out crying. Then one day, I just let it all go. I was not afraid anymore, rather I was fed up of being afraid. I just wanted to see the limits. When I actually let it go, nothing happened. It just went to a stage of utmost fear, and POOF! Not that my attacks were gone for good. But this made it easy for me to live with it.

    This was when I truly understood the meaning of, "NOT FIGHTING WITH IT"

    Try to find things that take you into your own fantasy world. Like I have a few of my own. Like, MUSIC, GAMING..

    There is another thing that has helped me get out of this paradox. Its a Buddhist Lama theory.

    The theory goes like this, "You have to believe that this problem was faced by someone in the past, they were able to solve it, so should you be able to"

    It actualy makes you feel that what you're dealing with, is not terminal.

    (sorry for the long explanation, I just like being subjective.)

    Hope this helps, cheers.

  • Thank you so much for sharing this with MamaKatie. I could have not explained this better. I deal with X and D. Mostly Panic attacks and it can be so scary .. I still deal with mines and it definitely feeds off of my fears. I to have learned how to let it be and let it roll. It is still hard at times for me.

  • Please try not to let these attacks get to you, if you ever get a moment (with two small children) I fully recommend a good relaxation tape. However if this is not possible then keep fully occupied and focus on positivity. As panicked wrote everyone on this site has been through the same, we are all still here and getting through it. Try not to worry that your husband may think you strange, you are not, my husband is extremely peculiar, he is still on antidepressants after his Mothers death at Christmas, he will not discuss death, worries over our sons then passes all his anxiety on to me, I am used him now after 44 years, but I let it ride over me, it's the only way I can cope. Rest assured we understand what you are going through, it will not last, enjoy your children, they grow up very quickly. You have our support😊😊xxxx

  • I've told my husband about my panicked attacks and my anxiety... at first he thought it was just something I was making up.. but when he saw that I was serious about it.. he started to take the girls out for a couple of hour a so that I can relax.. (I have a 6yr old and a 11 month ) I have some good days and some not so good.. I take it one day at a time and when I go feel an episode coming I sit down and just relax and breath and focus on telling my wlf that it will soon be better.. it helps a lot. . Feel better soon 😄☺

  • I'm really struggling. I am in constant fear. I have been having chest pains for 8 weeks and the pain feels like a dull ache that travels to my back. I have lost weight and habe started with headaches now. I'm not sleeping very weel either. The doctor claims this is down to aniexty. I have had chest x-ray and blood test and they are clear. I can't stop thinking that i'm dying and there is something seriously wrong with me. I was a normal 31 year old proir to this and now feel like my life is over. Please can someone help.

  • Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm having a better day today. I kept myself busy for four hours and deep cleaned my house. Something I haven't done in awhile. I usually just tidy up enough but I'm feeling better organizing. I do love to clean so I'm feeling positive that I did this without panicking once. I've got the kids down for a nap and I'm trying to relax a little. I'm loving that I found this site! I have to remember that I'm not alone. I forget sometimes because I don't have any friends that have anxiety problems so I feel like I can't really talk about it to them.

    Thank you for the support!

  • Hello Mamakatie 84 i used to have severe panick attacks that i also thought i was constantly dying but you know what eventually it fades away when you dont focus on it all the time. Keep yourself busy like you said you enjoy cleaning your house. Do you have a day job or a stay at home mom. Either way find maybe a church womans group you can join that will help keep your mind off the panic attacks. Hoping you peace and joy

  • I honestly would recommend you talk with a therapist or counselor about this... I am so sorry that you are going through this...I know he doesn't mean anything 'wrong' but I also know how you feel... it WILL get better, Katie... but please...this one calls for you talking to someone completely objective and knows how to give advice. Good wishes to you! :)

  • My whole post disappeared!! :( ...basically I wanted to suggest that you visit with a therapist or counselor... you need the support and the are a good brave soul and deserve some kind of direction. Please, Katie, consider this... :) Hugs to you.

  • Thanks! I've been considering going to one but I feel scared and quite frankly I'd rather spend the money on something else. My aunt is a retired therapist and I've been debating talking to her. I just have a hard time telling people I know my business. I'm so self conscious about it.

  • Magically my posts re=appeared... Wonders be!

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