Hello, please help

[mailime]

Hello, I'm new to this forum so nice to talk with you all and thank you for helping me.

Lately, I am really struggling. I am 17 and currently doing my a-levels. I struggle to make friends because whenever I go to speak to them I cannot physically speak and my heart aches. I do know how to talk to people but I haven't been able to because of this physically inability, I do not even know why I feel this way.

Also, certain events that happened lately have made me feel far, far more anxious than I usually do. I have cried every single day for the past 2 months and my heart constantly aches even while writing this post right now.

A few weeks ago, my granddad died after having dementa for 12 years. Then my best friend has made new friends and when I went to see her at lunch times in my college (she does BTec art but it is in the same campus as me) she ignored me to talk to them and they also ignored me. I started to cry from feeling overwhelmed because I spoke but got no reply which made me feel like they think I am annoying and not worth their time. After I told my friend how I felt and she said that her new friends said I was clingy and they pity me just because I waited outside her class to see her for (I had only waited for 2 minutes before she came out). They said I was clingy just because I sat next to her - not like I was in her face or anything. So, I got upset and started to hyperventilate as I got home and I still haven't really calmed down and that happened 2 weeks ago. Now she has started to treat me differently and is trying to distance herself from me. I told her how I felt and she said "why should I bother with you if you are just getting upset all the time?" and she never thought that she was spending too much time with me until her new friends said that. I do not know why they don't like me when they barely even know me. Me and her have been friends for 4 years and pretty much hanged out every day but she can throw that away for people she's only known for 4 weeks. She is my only close friend and this has happened to me with every single friend I have. They all weren't too happy or confident when I met them and I try to help but they never help me. Every time I tell her something even something simple like how my class was she just says 'meh' and starts to talk about her own stuff. I started to wonder am I really that uninteresting that people don't want to talk to me? I feel like my friends have always teared me down to feel better about themselves. Once, my friend told me they were angry at me for being so nice and considerate to them. What is wrong with being nice? I don't like to be mean.

I feel like all of this is really taking away from my ability to study and do well. I am so scared that I will fail my a-levels but I am also scared of being alone. I'm sorry if this post was long and thank you for any advice you may give me. I am here to help if anyone else on the forum has something they need help with too.

[Bb53]

What a kind lovely person your are and you sound clever to😊.you are just starting out your life and going out into big wide world 🌎 lots of great things ahead for you I'm sure.your friend is mean and trying to get in with a new crowd.let her go painful I know but you can do it .you are never alone on this site we all support each other I've had greater support from all over even people in America send kind wishes and comfort.posative thinking little one we are all behind you !!! Big hugs 🤗 to you love bev xx

[mailime in reply to Bb53]

Thank you for your support I really do appreciate it xx

[Bb53 in reply to mailime]

Any time you need to post do it! I'm following you ⭐️Keep strong and study lots xx