Please help , will welcome advice

I suffered bad anxiety which started in 2014 , triggered by son getting married and having to meet up with ex husband and his new wife .To top it all the wedding was in Greece which made it worse in many ways .

I had a relapse with teeth issue last year . I worked hard to rise above anxiety , start getting back to some sort of normality .

Today my youngest son had just told me he is getting married next year , ( in England )

My confidence feels low since everything ( I was so strong and confident )

Since hearing this latest news I can feel my self feeling tearful and fearing it all returning .

Since my other sons wedding , I now wear glasses and although I feel at times I look trendy in them just feel continua with ex relatives around and suddenly fearing everything .

I can't deal with contacts , gave tried .

I can feel everything racing towards me , fears , upsets , return of everything before ,I nearly lost my mobility last time as my anxiety was so bad .I want to be ahead of my self and not let this all happen again but hate the thought of the wedding just like last time .I should be happy on these occasions but can't find the joy .

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  • Ps

    Also I have no relatives living near me , a partner that doesn't help me through this very well .

    It will be all ex relatives and brides relatives that I don't know ..

    Feel nervous , frightened , weak in this situation .

    So out of character .

    I am really a young minded , quite petite , ok looking , high cheek bones as half polish .

    Just feel horrible about myself

    Like I want to hide , run away , just can't find happiness how ever I look at it .

    Hard to explain

  • Sounds like you.need support more than anything. Do you not have any close friends who can go with you to this wedding ?.

  • I have a partner that works away but sadly he's not a rock , he needs to be there but not a lot of support doesn't really understand anxiety and the situation , I'm sad and embarrassed to say

    You are right that is what I need exactly .

    Thankyou for caring x

  • Paulina21, it sounds like you need several of us on each side of you walking into that wedding. They say there is strength in number. We've got some time to get you to that point of self esteem and confidence to walk in proud to be the mother of the groom.

    You can do this Paulina. That strong and confident person is still in you and you and the forum will bring that strength to the top once again. So much so that when you walk into that room, people will buzz and say, "isn't she a young and beautiful woman who is the mother of the groom". You hold the Ace card, you can be anyone you want.

    Talk with you more about this. Please continue using the forum for support. You're going to be just fine, just fine. xx

  • You are so tight regards to suppprt and lots of people to understand and walk with me .

    You brought many tears to my eyes , came from no where ,

    Thankyou ..

    Feel it's going to be a long journey getting through the next few months and next year .

    No date yet , possibly summer ????

    Xx

    I think you have released something that had been trapped inside of me because the tears won't stop ..

    Thankyou and your right xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Paulina, I was you a long time ago and I will personally help you get back the confidence and woman that you are. xx

  • Thankyou so much xxx

  • Just wondered what area you live ?

    I'm near southend on sea area

    X

  • Paulina, I must not have hit the submit button when I

    wrote that I am in Chicago. Sorry about that. x

  • Sometimes the release of tears can help , its strange how it just happened , ..

    Emotions , anxiety and dealing with things that are thrown at us is so hard at times .xxxxxxx

  • I too had cried myself a river of tears, it does help release

    the emotions that we feel. When I finally had enough crying

    I turned that into laughter and smiles each day. :) xx

  • How strange , you live in Chicago and my son , that just proposed to his girlfriend is on Chicago now on holiday with her !

    I like Chicago , lovely city .

    My aim is to stay strong and not go down the road I went through at my last sons wedding ...build up was hell and I don't know how I got through it , I was so weak and struggled .

    What is your story ?

    Understand if you don't want to talk about it .

    I don't know how to pm messages on here ? Is it possible ? Sometimes there are things one feels better mentioning on a private one to one .

    Are you happy now or do you still suffer ?

  • Paulina, I have left anxiety behind in the last couple years. I am finally back to being myself and it's the greatest feeling in the world. It's not that there are no stressors in my life. (I have an Anorexic daughter) but I've learned how to accept anxiety, how to know my triggers and how to eliminate them before they even take affect.

    I meditate and use relaxation and deep breathing daily. Anytime you may want to PM me would be fine. I'm not as good in explaining how to private message me as I am with medial issues lol

    I'm sure someone will see this and offer their help. Everything will work out. You learned from your first experience with the wedding and don't want to repeat any mistakes you may have made. We're all here for you xx

  • Thankyou

    Glad you are living happier beyond anxiety .

    Like you , I have achieved a lot ,hence why I don't want to go back to that rocky , crippling road of anxiety .

    The happy feeling when life gets more normal again is amazing but have had set backs .

    Due to my experience I can understand other suffers having been there .Its horrid but having experienced it has made me stronger and more grateful to life when symptoms go and normality comes back .

    Wouldn't wish it on any body .

    I helped myself by listening to audios of

    Dare (Barry McDough )

    Clare weeks

    Mindfulness

    Went on a CBT course ..

    All the above can help when feelings come back .

    Feel for your daughter and you dealing with her issue , hope she can get through it xxx

    You have helped so many on here , kind , caring person .

    When something comes along and rocks our cage again sure need help .

    Since my message can't get ex hubby and irritating , in your face , new wife ..

    She is very difficult to deal with and truly believes she is my sons mum !!!!

    My ex mother in law helped a lot in early days to help wreck my marriage .They are thick as thrives together and often widower to each other and burst out laughing , looking at me .

    No body really noticed apart from comment mentioned that the wife is always full of self importance and in your face at all times .

    I'm not interested in her world at all and need to learn to rise above it all .Feeling good and confident about myself is the only way I can do it .

    Hate confrontation and respect that ex mother in jaw is an elderly woman now and my sons grandmother ,I've never bad mouthed her in front of them and don't intend to .

    These get together are going to happen and need to know how to stay strong

    and never have to fear them .

    I'm going to step up my exercise and monitor diet more , not that I'm over weight or eat perm junk but got a little lapse .Use to do more ...

    First steps to stronger me ....

    Private messenger would be nice for an option at times , will seek help there ..

    Xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Paulina, Your choices of audios are excellent. I listen to them as well as others that I have found work for me. Dr. Claire Weekes is someone I have carried through the years. First her books and now her videos on YouTube. It always amazes me that I'm able to hear something for the first time each and every time I listen to her. So in a way I'm still learning. The more we learn, the better we can understand . The better we understand the easier it becomes to accept anxiety w/o any fear.

    But know that the final challenge is always up to us. We can read and listen all we want but if we don't believe in what we are hearing, it's not going to happen. Believe in yourself that you have the power to change anything you want. With anxiety it's about undoing all the bad habits we have gotten into over the years including loss of self confidence and self esteem.

    I'm glad you found the forum. I found this one to be one of the best ones out there. The people are genuine always willing to extend a helping hand.

    Make it a good day Paulina. We care xx

  • Thankyou for excellent advice and support .

    I love this forum .

    Feel for everyone suffering , all ages , males and females .

    I have worked out PM with the help of a kind lovely looking young man on here xxxxxx

    Just incase I feel I want to mention or ask something I'd rather just MP xxxxxx

    Audios help me the most as I feel some one is with me all the time that understands due to self experience xxxxxxxxx

  • Paulina, I have found that audios work better for me as well. When I'm reading, my mind seems to go off in 10 different directions. On an audio video, I tune into someone guiding me through relaxation .

    I'm open to personal message anytime. I'm glad you like this forum. I think it will be very helpful for you. Stay positive xx

  • My mind does exactly the same when reading .

    Thankyou

    Hopefully we can stay in touch .

    Wishing you happy calm days xx

  • I always believed I was unattractive when I was young despite other people telling me otherwise. I now see photos of myself when young and see my kids who are very much like me and realise it was anxiety and lack of confidence not my looks at all. Far uglier men did better for girls than me not because of how I looked but because of my introvert ion. Luckily some good looking people find introverts attractive personalities. YouTube has a section on the positive aspects of being an introvert.

  • I went to my son's wedding two days after my eldest brothers funeral took along a chatty friend who could divert conversation away from me. Stayed for the day part but left before the evening. Despite the pre anxiety and fears I enjoyed the day. If you had said that I would of managed as well as I did I wouldn't of believed it possible. I avoided alcohol and was able to build some bridges with ex her new partner and her family. Just my experience. The day is about the newly weds people won't focus much on you. It's become e happy memory. If this sounds up beat believe me I am very anxious and low in mood constantly I can only offer you my story.

  • Thank you for your message and sharing your story .

    How sad to loose a son and so brave to then attend another sons marriage .

    You are right it's not about me I know , but fear causes my feelings .

    Will take a lot from your story

    You are an inspiration xx

  • Hi there various things can knock our confidence and self esteem and them wham anxiety is there and it's hard to get back on top of. Have you ever had counselling or cbt for your anxiety? I'd really suggest giving it a go to help you to regain your confidence and prepare you for future events as well as working on any other past issues that may be contributing to your anxiety. Good luck x

  • Hi Nicki 1984

    I have done CBT and been to anxiety support group .

    These things have helped me to get my life back on track .

    My concern is how I'm feeling since the news of sons wedding .

    It just fears me ,I know I need to take on board the great advice everyone has offered , keep positive , live in the moment and let the wedding be a happy event ... know it won't be as easy as it sounds but others have managed under worse situations .

    Thank you for your advise xx

  • Sometimes we may to check back in with our therapist or revisit cbt again. It's great that you really understand your anxiety and triggers. Have you spoken to your son about how you feel? It may help if you do? Sadly some people continue to be nasty and bitter throughout their lives and be glad your not one of them. It's usually these people who have their own problem but project them on to others. Try and find a buddy for the event and hold your head high you deserve to be there x

  • I don't feel I can discuss how I feel as if I do I feel the eyes will be on me more and also I don't want to upset his day and him having thoughts of me not coping .

    I need to find the strength to rise above all the issue and try and enjoy the day and respect it is their special day .

    Xx

    My big aim is not to go backwards and anxiety take over like before as it nearly crippled me literally !

    Xx

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