NEED HELP - RUMINATING, anger: Hello! I have... - Anxiety Support

Anxiety Support

47,862 members47,473 posts



Hello! I have huge anxiety now, because I had fight with my friend, we talked later, but he told some nasty things. I didn't tell him that it was hurtful, just listened. Than I gave him handshake and went away. We say hello on street and he is not such a close friend so it is fine. But recently I started to ruminate about - what should I told in thar conversation, that I was hurt, that he was wrong etc. I almost want to meet again and tell - Listen, you hurt me a lot.

But I want to find inner peace to not do that. It would not change a thing. We will never ever again be close and I also don't want it. It is enough that we say each other hello. But sometimes I see hi on street and I am so friendly, I smile, say excessivly positively- Hi! And when I am home I think- I should have been more angry, I shouldn't be so friendly. Maybe he thinks that all this fight didn't hurt me, but I want him to know it did and I am still hurt. Please, help me to calm a little bit. I didn't slept night thinking maybe I need to meet him and say again - you hurt me a lot.

But instead of it I want to learn let go. Just let go this need explain how hurtful it was. I even drank Xanax tonight, because I had such an anxiety over it - that I need to meet him, sit down and say - you hurt me.

But than I think - would it really help? More than that I just need to learn let go. Maybe somebody can relate..:( Thank you a lot!!! T5iday is not a good day... :(

2 Replies

Hi Notsobravesometimes,

I had the same trouble trying to deal with my anxious feelings about a bully.

Through my psychologist, I have learned a thought challenging strategy to address and change anxiety. This technique involves questioning our thought(s) rather than assuming they are correct and going along with them. Challenging thinking is likely to have positive flow on effects on your mood and behavior.

The 7 Question Thought Challenge (often known as 7 Qs)

1. Is this a thought trap - an example of an unhelpful thinking pattern

2. What is the evidence - for it being true or false

3. Is there an alternative explanation - explained in some other way

4. Can I see it from a different perspective - what would a good friend say to me or me to them

5. Will this matter later - today, tomorrow, next week, next month or year

6. What purpose does this serve - to act positively or undermining me

7. How can I best respond - what is a more balanced thought and how can I act in a more helpful way?

The way to take the challenge is write the thought at the top of the page and then the 7 Qs and your answers.

After you get to question 7 take action to implement the best response you wrote down.

One thing I do, is screw up the paper and put the thought in the rubbish bin - I have dealt with IT!

Sorry to anyone reading this for the 2nd time today but it tried, tested and true.

Have a great weekend :)

Thank you for advice!

You may also like...