My name is .. and I’m 21 years old. Compared to other people, I haven't had that many hardships. Not really. You know. Shit’s happened, sure, but shit always happens, right? But the real challenge in my life, the real hardship, is me. It’s always been me. As long as I can remember, I’ve never not been afraid. Afraid of failure. Of not knowing what to do, or what not to do. Of letting people down. Hurting people. Getting hurt. I thought if I kept my guard up and focused on other things, other people… If I couldn’t even feel, well, then no harm would come to me. I screwed up. Not only did I shut out the pain, I shut out everything. The good and the bad. And now theres nothing.
I can’t remember the last time i lived a day where anxiety wasn’t at the forefront of my life. My self control was completely captivated by the damage anxiety has on ones mind. My everything was focused on nothing. A nothing that consisted of anxious thoughts about how I was viewed through the worlds eyes. The runaway thoughts i used to have, dreams goals aims ambition drive determination was all lost. I was locked in, under a spell if you will, life seeming almost impossible to live. I can’t do this anymore. What is my purpose why am i here!! I don’t give a shit about anything I don’t have any friends any goals, my family seem to stick around because, well, there family. If I could i would live alone.