Need help

[Mel1980]

Hi my names Melissa I've been unwell for over 2 years, I had a bad spiritual experience in hospital 2 years ago which plays on my mind and body everyday. I suffer with insomnia, pains 24/7 , major anxiety and depression weakness all through my body and no doctors or physicians or counsellors or anybody really can find a reason behind it. I've been down so many different avenues to get help but I still suffer everyday and I don't know what to do anymore it's very scary. Thanks Melissa

[Hidden]

What was the spiritual experience?

[Mel1980 in reply to Hidden]

I had a guy ask me where my little girl was? And I don't have a little girl I have a 14 year old, and then he read my mind and I was reading his and he was saying I had done a murdet/ suicide between my daughter and me , i know it sounds crazy , but that's what happened and I was told it was my second death, I don't know how to explain this except for the fact that I had high blood pressure and temperature ATM and was in a catatonic state.

[Hidden in reply to Mel1980]

And you believe it?

[Mel1980 in reply to Hidden]

No, it was just the whole experience was horrible I also had a demon in my room not long after don't know if that too was a hallucination, but I'm finding it hard to cope, physically and mentally at the moment is all.

[Hidden in reply to Mel1980]

I'm finding it all very strange. I don't understand stuff like this.

I hope you can eventually cope with it all ok.

[Mel1980 in reply to Hidden]

I don't understand it either which makes it all the more scary and thank you I hope I can cope too , it's been a long horrible journey and I just want my life back

[Hidden in reply to Mel1980]

Keep in touch if it helps any..

Hopefully something will come up so that you can get help with this.

[Mel1980 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you , I will do .

[Anxiouspony12]

Was it an NDE (near death experience)?

[Mel1980 in reply to Anxiouspony12]

I don't really know but all I know is I haven't been the same since, my oxygen levels were 59 it was a really strange experience and Im still not well and they still can't give me a reason y

[Anxiouspony12 in reply to Mel1980]

Did you see anything like something like say a white light or place you found yourself in?

[Mel1980 in reply to Anxiouspony12]

No , nothing like that. It was all very negative and scary

[Anxiouspony12 in reply to Mel1980]

Ok probably not NDE then cos you know about them if had still scary just thought I'd ask anyway.

[jessiejakes]

Hi Mel1980 have they checked you for MS and that thing they used to call yuppie flu ? Sorry can't think of the name of it.that causes fatigue and weakness etc.

[Mel1980 in reply to jessiejakes]

No that's one thing I haven't been tested for

[benmaise in reply to jessiejakes]

Do you mean fibromyalga . Don't think my spelling is correct ?

[Agora1]

Hi Mel1980, When we are in a life/death situation, clinging onto moments of uncertainty, our brain chemistry changes. Some doctors have felt this is what causes people to see a bright light thought of as a near death experience. Others take it as a spiritual sign from God. In a catatonic state your mind was open to these powerful changes as well as being able to pick up any conversations around you. Our brain, in the state that it is in at that time, can interpret what is being said in a different context.

I have had this happen to me twice in my life. The first time I barely remember anything but a peacefulness coming over me, a doctor holding my hand and saying I was going to be okay and the realization that if death were like this, I was no longer afraid.

The second time was purely a first time reaction to a drug as well as any intense migraine (that changes brain chemistry on it's own) This time, I saw the light, the long dark hall and my father who had passed waiting for me. As I got nearer that light, my dad stopped me and said to go back. It wasn't my time, I had just taken in a 2y.o. foster child and he said I needed to be with her. That event left quite an impact on me for a long time which made me study the power of the brain under immense chemical changes.

I think what happened to you, probably runs along the same track. It's nothing that can be explained fully or do a lab test for. It is both a physical and spiritual event. If it has left such a negative impact on your life than it needs to be treated as PTSD. I also believe hypnotherapy might help in taking you back to that point in your life, resolving what you heard and then moving on.

An unresolved issue that plays on your mind and body everyday can lead to insomnia, constant pains as well as major anxiety and depression. Benmaise mentioned if you had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. All the signs point to that (I have it as well) due to an intense life event. I hope you will find the help you need. Once your subconscious can accept the fact that it was not a warning, not a death sentence but actually an awakening to live your life to the fullest. Don't allow undue fears control your life. What happened in the past must stay in the past. Try living in the present moment and with some help you will start feeling better.

Take care, we at the forum are always here to support and comfort one another. x

[Mel1980 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, I've tried getting help , but nobody seems to want to know about it, I tell them my story and they get freaked out by it and don't want to help me so it makes it hard.

[Jeff1943]

I think what Agora1 experienced was a classic near death experience but what Mel1980 experienced doesn't sound at all like a NDE or anything paranormal to me, it was just the mixed up wandering of your mind whilst you were in a catatonic state. It doesn't have any of the hallmarks ofan NDE. Did you not carry a child to full term for some reason and thst was on your mind. I think it was a bad dream, nothing more than that, and you shouldn't let the rest of your life be badly affected because of it. It wasn't your second death wad it, you survived, so that was nonsense. Draw a line under this bad dream experienced when your mind was under great stress and get on with your life, put it behind you where it belongs, life lies ahead.

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[Mel1980 in reply to Jeff1943]

Yes, I've had a termination at a younger age and I've miscarried a child also. I also had a demon in my room and other paranormal things come about from this so it's been a scary and traumatic time. And I do need help to get through it.

[Agora1 in reply to Mel1980]

Mel1980, I didn't know you had a termination as well as a miscarry. You don't think that this played into your thoughts? I do.. You may never have gotten over the guilt, the regret as well as the thought of a life lost. This could be the demon inside your mind.. However if these paranormal things keeps happening to you and you believe this so deeply, then I would see a priest first and then a paranormal specialist. Let's get down to the root of this problem. It is a terrible and frightening way to live. Doctors and therapists don't get into this kind of ideology but there are professionals who will tackle this case. I hope you find the help you need. It was concluded in that you have no psychiatric condition, I assume. x

[Mel1980 in reply to Agora1]

Maybe, I've seen a priest already and he's been to see me a few times and we're working on things slowly but he's very busy, also I suffer from anxiety and depression and was told I had a personality disorder I was diagnosed with bi polar, but then I was told I don't have that I have a personality disorder instead. So I'm confused to be honest.

[Agora1 in reply to Mel1980]

Mel1980, I'm glad you saw a priest. His blessings alone can help. I have been given last rites a couple times as well as blessing with oils. Having a personality disorder can play into how you perceive things as well as react to them. Are you under the care of a psychiatrist for that?

You seem to be taking the right steps in helping yourself. It's not easy but well worth the answer. Keep us posted. We can help with the anxiety/depression however as long as this other issue is behind it, it will take a professional to solve the puzzle. I wish you well xx

[Mel1980 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, and I've tried to see a phsychiatrist they're not easy to get into see, and I feel as though I'm being punished for having my termination although I have repented this to God and I was only a 14 year old child at the time, and my parents did not want me to have the child. I was young and scared, and didn't know what to do. Does that make me a murderer?

[Hidden in reply to Mel1980]

No it doesn't make you a murderer.

[Mel1980 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you , I just feel so trapped in my own body and mind and exhausted from it all

[Agora1 in reply to Mel1980]

It does not make you a murderer. You are not being punished by God or by Fate. I know psychiatrists have a long wait time but it would be in your best interest Mel, to see a professional who can unravel all this from your mind. I can see how this is eating away at you. It needs to be addressed ASAP xx

[Mel1980 in reply to Agora1]

I know and it is I'm unwell everydaybecause of it , and thank you

[Jeff1943]

No it doesn't make you a murderer, Mel1980, you were only 14 and your parents were responsible for that decision. When I asked if you hadn't carried a child to full term for some reason I had a feeling that you had a termination and as Agora1 has suggested I think that your bad dream and subsequent bad feelings are because you feel guilty about the termination and I think the demon is part of this too. I was waiting for you to say that you had a termination because then everything fits.

I don't believe for one moment that the God you asked for repentance is punishing you, I think you are unnecassarily punishing yourself. But you are a victim not an offender, and you are judging yourself far too harshly. There is nothing to forgive you for, remember God knows the full circumstances of what happened, you were a child.

In my opinion none of your experiences fall into the category of being paranormal, they are the result of your deep feeling of guilt which you are absolved from for the reasons given. I suggest you must frame your mind to put the past behind you, all the obsessing in the world can't change a second of it, and that you now accept that your present health problems derive from your unquiet mind and that you embrace the joy of life.

[Mel1980 in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you I'm trying I just don't have the energy and haven't had it for a long time and this pain I'm in most the time is unbearable 😰😰😰😰 plus I don't sleep without medication it just adds to it all .

[Hidden]

You are not being punished, there are many verses in the bible explaining that God does not punish us because Jesus died for our sins. The only one I can find specifically is Romans 8:1 "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" but I know there are plenty more.

The subconscious has strange ways of trying to tell us things and symbology, which you can see even in our dreams we have every night. When we're stressed or dealing with intense emotion it can make things even weirder. I agree with the other users and think the demon is probably a physical manifestation of the "demons" of your past. I'm so sorry for your situation, it sounds like a terrifying experience and I will pray for you!

[Mel1980 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou

[reinagrace]

Hi Mel1980 I'm glad you're seeing a priest, please tell him everything, don't hold back. I'm praying for you to be healed on all levels, biochemically, emotionally, and spiritually . i attended a depression support group years ago and the words of the group leader always stuck with me- she said depression is the only illness that attacks us on 3 levels, physically (Brain chemistry), emotionally, and spiritually , as satan is real and he will attack where we're weak. I pray all are healed

[Mel1980 in reply to reinagrace]

Thank you, and I don't hold back i tell him everything

[Rjsurk1]

Hi melissa , what have the Dr's diagnosed you with . Have they tested you for anything specific ? Im glad your talking with a priest. What has he done for you ? And you are not a murderer you were only 14 and your parents made that decision.

[Mel1980]

I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and been tested for several things, but I can't remember what it all is but a lot of things I've also got Acidocis, thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, whiplash, low potassium, but I take meds for all these or I was but nothing helped. It's strange. I'm tired all the time have insomnia and taking meds for that, but I'm so weak, I can't get out of bed most days and when I do I have to sit down a lot. I'm drained, pale as a ghost, get massive miagraines and stomach pains , but I've had ultra sounds and Mri s and cat scans and nothing comes up. I'm at an absolute loss 😓

[BA-H]

Hi Melissa - I echo what everyone else is saying about you not being a murderer. Please, please, please believe that. Romans 8:1 is a great verse. Another is John 3:16-17. Personally, I always go back to that one: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

Note that John does not say that whoever lives life perfectly shall not perish. He says only that whoever BELIEVES in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. You said you repented to God. That's all you need to do to be right with God. God has already taken care of everything else for you.

It sounds like you will probably want the help of a psychiatrist or psychologist as you work through everything that has happened, but a priest or local pastor can probably help bridge the time while you are waiting for an appointment to open up. If the priest of one local congregation is too busy, please try another church. I don't know about Australia, but many Christian churches in the US also have a program called Stephen's Ministry, where they train members of the congregation to work with people who are going through problems like your's (our's). You would be assigned a person in the congregation who would talk with you on an ongoing basis, and again could help bridge the time spent waiting for a doctor. [I just checked on the Stephen's Ministry website, and they refer to themselves as "worldwide" so this would be another avenue for you to consider.] - BAH

[Mel1980 in reply to BA-H]

Thanks

[Mel1980 in reply to BA-H]

Thanks

[Donnat7]

Hi Mellisa I was reading your story have you tryed writing down your feelings about how you feel and I don't no what you experience spiritual but writ that down to also I find cats/kittens are relaxing get your self a kitten that way you are been kept busy that will help you so get your self a pad pen writ down your feelings and what happened to you like do a diary and get cute little kitten it mite sound silly but it will help I hope I do help u let me no how u get on my name is Donna my email is [e-mail] 🐱Xx

[Mel1980 in reply to Donnat7]

Thanks I already have a dog though , fish and my daughter has 2 Guinea pigs so I think a cat ATM mite be outta the question but thanks for the thought. I'm just really struggling with life on a daily basis atm.

[Mel1980]

And I do write things down sometimes when I feel up to it