Please tell me I'm not the only one

[JOEY23]

I know I have bad depression but also I been living with this feeling of not being real and numbness in my face also when I touch stuff it doesn't feel real to me. It is truly horrendous. I don't know what to do anymore. I take 60mg of paxil and I'm up to 12mg of Xanax which helps a little bit. I'm 40 now and I been going through this since I was 18. The psychiatrist I see and the many I seen before him swear it's anxiety. I googled my symptoms and their coming back with derealization. What I would like to know is anyone on here going through the same symptoms and how to cope or cure this. It said it causes severe anxiety and depression so I don't know what to do anymore. Thanks everybody. Joe

[Lvictoria81]

Hey,

Ive been dealing with this too. Is it your whole face or just one side that gets numb? Anxiety is so hard to hope with. I have more so health anxiety then anything. Every little thing bothers me lile oh new pain what's this its bad I'm currently looking into help but havent been lucky.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

As crazy as it sounds it's my nose mostly. When I go to rub it I know it's there but it's just numb. And if I try to read it feels like I can't feel the pages. It really hit me hard when I turned 40 and I have a 7 year old and I'm not where I want to be at this point. But you feel detached sometimes?

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Ok so I get everything you are saying. My face on the ride side gets this tingling numbing sensation and it shoots to my head above my eyebrow under my cheek and sometimes messes with eye and my nose. I had countless blood tests and a cat scan on my sinus everything came back normal. I go to see a Neuro Oct 4th. But I also feel disconnected like I'm not controlling myself someone else is. Like a puppet. In 25 with a 9 year old and a 5 year old I completly understand.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

Yeah I go to see a Neuro in Oct too. I was kind off hoping for something so I can take a pill. As wrong as that sounds

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

I'm the same way. I'm so scared of this Neuro appointment.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I feel ya. They'll tell you everything is fine. We got to relax and meditate and just keep reading self help books and remember our kids when we feel real bad and they'll get us through it. Hey this can't go on forever right. And also I find it hard to meditate so I been doing audio meditation. Google it there's a lot to pick from. And you can just sit in a comfy chair and just listen.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Its so hard to do that because I feel like something is wrong I just can't pin point it its so weird i just dont feel like me. I'm so depressed all the time & I never wanna leave the house cause I'm scared something is going to happen. Is it free the audio meditation?

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I'm just like you scared to go out or people are judging me. Believe me I feel like shit because I didn't take my son anywhere this summer. His mom did but I couldn't leave for some reason. Look up learning strategies. Com not free but 20 bucks and they got a lot of selections. Just put your headphones on and listen and that's it

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Yes I haven't been anywhere this summer it was so boring & I'm not working either. I literally sit inside all day and do nothing but play on my phone. Except today I cleaned my whole house

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I know I had to go on workers comp. And they look at ya like your garbage. It's like sorry my brain is this way. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. And it's been 13 years so my psychiatrist said that from drinking and doing drugs for so long that it could have triggered it to come on. That's why he wants me to get a cat scan

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Oh ok well I'm proud of you for being 13 years sober. My dad was an addict as well as an alcoholic and he passed away back in 2011. I think all this got brought on by my abusive ex & everything I've endured in the last 9 months

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I'm so sorry about your dad and being abused. Those 2 times in your life would definitely bring this on. Especially the trauma to your psyche. There's a new medicine out it's only been out for about a year it's called trintellix. Ask you psychiatrist about that. I'm gonna. You'll be fine. Just make sure you talk to someone about being in a abusive relationship. And thanks for the compliment I appreciate it. Believe me I lost my entire family and about half of my friends from drugs. So when I say I know what your going through I'm not bs ya.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Ok ill be sure to bring that up and ask about the meds. Thank you for the kind words. My whole life I never got away from abuse I seen it with my mom & dad & then in my relationships. The relationship I am in now is normal & it's such a weird feeling but good at the same time. I'm just so used to negativity that when good things happens it hard to accept.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I'm glad your in a healthy relationship now. We need support if we're going to beat this and we can beat it! Your mind is you. If we get control of our minds we can get rid of this. Stay calm and remember that it isn't real. And also there are good apps on your phone. Look up anxiety, depression, mindfulness, meditation. Their pretty good for just playing on your phone.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Ok ill look it up so far my day is pretty good. Except this damn numbness feeling it makes me think the worse and then I habe a panic attack but they havent been bad I habent let them get to their peak.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

Good I'm glad your doing good so far today. That's why we need this support group it does help. Try exercise too. I lost a lot of muscle but starting Monday I'm going to try to get back to the gym. Someone once told me that when you look good you feel good and then you do good. Even if it's just in your house just move and do something. Cause when I was younger I was really muscular and I don't remember having this. So give it a try.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Yesterday I cleaned my whole house & felt good cause I knew it was clean & it was one thing I didn't have to worry about. Its rainy & chilly here today so a walk with the dog is not happening today unless it stops raining.

[Injunb in reply to Lvictoria81]

My fiance and I just broke up and are taking a break. She said she does not feel like she can be in a relationship right now from everything that is going on. It is really hard getting pushed away by someone who says they love you. Anyway I think a big reason is because she has been abused her whole life to, and now that a good guy is treating her right it freaked her out and scared her. This morning is very hard for me because today is her Birthday and I can't talk to her.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Injunb]

Oh gosh I'm so sorry. Its crazy how a person can get so used to abuse & then freak out when good comes along. I just blame it on the flight or fight sense. It sounds like she has her guard up really high because she's scared. Me & my boyfriend have been arguing like crazy cause he doesn't understand it. It may be the same with her. I would still text her and say happy birthday just to let her know you are still thinking about her. Don't let her push herself away. She's just scared.

[Injunb in reply to Lvictoria81]

Yeah looking back all our arguments were related to her Anxiety and PTSD. She had a hard time trusting me, and I took it personally. I made lots of mistakes not knowing what dating a person with PTSD would entail. I also know I was really good for her. In fact her doctor took her off one of her anxiety meds and asked her is she had a boyfriend that took care of her. I know she is very scared and not because of me it is from outside stressors mostly dealing with her asshole narcissistic ex husband. Anyway I don't think contacting her right now would be a good idea she specifically told me to leave her alone. She has not returned her ring and she told me we can try and get back together in the future so I am going to allow her to contact me when she is ready. It is just really hard watching someone you love go through this and not being able to be there for her.

[Injunb in reply to Injunb]

Also she knows I care I told her that right when she told me we are taking a break. She needs to focus on her daughter and how her ex husband is messing her up. It is really sad.

[JOEY23 in reply to Injunb]

Just work on yourself getting better. I feel what your going through my ex cheated on me when I was at my worst and I kicked her out. It was one of the hardest things to do but you can't help anyone else until you help yourself. You'll be fine brother. It's gonna be the hardest thing your going to go through but once it's over you'll feel like nothing can ever hurt you again. Trust me.

[Injunb in reply to JOEY23]

Thank you just to clarify I do not have PTSD or Anxiety I am here to learn about it so I can better support those that do especially my ex fiance, but hopefully fiance. I am working on myself and not just mopng, it is just hard when you feel like a failure when you can't help someone you love.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Injunb]

Well that's good you are learning about it. Its something very hard to understand from the perspective of a "normal" person. Its more so being there every step of the way and ensuring them everything is ok.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Injunb]

Okay I understand. Let her come to you when she's ready. Its a good sign she didnt give back the ring. Maybe she needs her own time to clear her head. It is very hard watching someone you love go threw so much mental crap that isn't fixable or curable. The only thing we can do is just be their shoulder to cry on their journals to talk to and their lover.

[Injunb in reply to Lvictoria81]

Yes and I am learning about it because what I thought PTSD was is totally wrong. Another big thing for me was when she was always talking about her ex. I thought he was sad she was no longer with him. However I have since realized she was just processing what happened to her. The event was so traumatic that she cannot fit it into her normal brain functioning.

I am curious when your boyfriend does not understand and you argue how does that make you feel? What do you wish he did differently so it would have a better outcome. PTSD from the outside looking in is very hard to get. I wish I knew just a little of what it is like to be triggered.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Injunb]

Ok so when he doesn't understand it makes me feel alone and scared because I hate being inside my own brain. I always say if ubwere to take a look inside my brain you wouldnt last for a second with blowing you head off. So it scares me when he doesnt understand because I get those bad thoughts. I wish he would just listen and calmly tell me its ok and to just talk to me and rub me and hold me and dont leave me alone until I feel better. Or take my mind off of it like ask questions about my day or anything really. Play a game tjats stimulates my mind. Like a card game or monopoly something to make me think. If I'm having a good day tell me if I had a semi good day tell me lile praise me. Its basically like raising a child all over again with the praising and the loving extra hard.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I know right. I tell my psychiatrist if I could give this to you you wouldn't know what to do. People that don't have what we have think we can just shake it off and think positive thoughts and everything will get better. They don't know it's a disability because it's not physical. Did you talk to him about the way he makes you feel worse sometimes? Did he know you had this when you guys got together and if he did he should have known that you would need more support than usual sometimes. Try really talking to him calmly about it. Do you have anyone else you can lean on when it gets really worse than usual? I'll be here for ya but we also need psyical contact as well. Talk to him about it.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Honestly when we got togethee my anxiety and depression was gone for years I honestly think because of the abusive relationship it had my mind thinking on other atuff. Like am i going to get hit today why am I so stupid all bad things but it wasnt focused on my health or my mood per say. So when I kept getting sick in January till July I just brushed it off because it aas strep eh just take antibiotics and I'm good. Well when they didnt work I started getting scared. So then one morning i got up felt like I had strep again looked at my throat and tonsils were swollen. So I went to the doctor and it was his assistant so she was like eh its anxiety ur fine... Then I go to the er cause ibwas hyperventilating and couldnt breathe and my throat was on fire. They sent me home eh its anxiety. I go back to my doctor and hes like go see ur ENT and schedule an appointment for Neuro( numbness started when my ex pushed me down the steps and i hit my head) ive been quiet about it for 4 years until now. Then I go to the ent who puts a camera up my nose down my throat and goes yeah these need to come out ASAP then after a week i started getting very sick fever chills depression BAD thought ibwas dying and no one could help rushed to the hospital the did an EKG, cat scan of my throat and sinuses, blood work and pain meds. Everything vame back fine. I went to have my surgery and my adenoids grew back from when I was a kid which is very uncommon. I was doing great until recently (this is day 9 post-op) depression came back anxiety came back. All i can think about it supppse this numbness is a brain tumor causing all this. I went to my dentist and they are idiots they are like Idk if its ur wisdom teeth see an oral surgeon. Well I cant see one yet cause i can barely open my mouth. Its just been a downwards spiral. Now last night i felt great. Yhis morning I was ok up until now I'm so dizzy and tired like i stand up and fall over.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Also I cant even find a psychiatrist I'm so lost. Idk where to go. They want me to sit in an intake facilty but i dont have time for all that. How did u find yours?

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

My company I used to work for sent me to one. But whatever insurance you have call them and they'll refer you to one. And if you don't have insurance use the state's. I was on welfare before there ain't no shame in it as long as it helps you get better. Are you on any meds? If not you really got to see someone. But don't give up there is always a way to get through this. You just might need some medicine for a little while and you'll be feeling a lot better. They wanted me to go away also but I need to see my son so they will work with you. Monday start making some calls and you'll be fine

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

I went to my regular doctor and they gave me Prozac but it was making me cry 24/7 so I just stopped taking it. I called all day yesterday for a psychiatrist and left messages no one has gotten back to me yet. The hospital I went to gave me all these numbers and none of them took my insurance . I have state insurance. I just don't know what else to do and googling brain tumors really aren't helping because I read stories of how people have lived with them for years without knowing.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

Are you in Pennsylvania? Cause I go to Einstein but I don't think their taking anymore people. But I know Temple has a group and Jefferson also. But Prozac is garbage. You need Xanax or klonipin. But if you're in Pa. Try Einstein behavior health. Or any major hospital has a behavior department.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

Okay my next door neighbor works at einstein. I head good things about Xanax and klonopin I need something cause this is annoying stuff. I'm going to look into what you said. What part of PA are u in?

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

Yeah I would give them a call. I'm in northeast Philly. But Xanax or a benzo sounds like it would help a lot just don't get hooked on them.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to JOEY23]

I just need something to relax my body today I've been getting chest pains & I'm like come on give it up. I'm getting annoyed with it. Its just not going away. I wanna enjoy my life.

[JOEY23 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I know exactly how you feel. I know there's people a lot worse than me in the world but I can't just sit inside anymore cause I'm scared of everything. I wanna go and travel and see this big beautiful world. Sometimes I just feel hopeless but I just keep trying to stay positive.

[Injunb in reply to Lvictoria81]

Thank you for the very practical ideas for supporters to help you. I tried talking to my fiance and she was I don't know what I need. That is the PTSD talking since she cannot think clearly. I will know to have something stimulating to do help ground her. The holding does not always work since she does not wan to be touched when she is triggered.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Injunb]

Really? See me is ibwant to be held really tight like laying on me or a heavy blanket I need that heaviness it helps me feel grounded I would say. I'm starting to wokder if I have PTSD but not really bad like your finace.

[Injunb in reply to Lvictoria81]

She has it really bad since she has many sources of trauma such as father abuse, sexual violence, car crash and rape.

I think the rape is a big reason she does not want to be touched. She has a lot of trauma but she is also one of the strongest women I know and i believe she can get over it.

Never question your feelings and how bad they are. They are your feelings and they bother you and people should take that seriously.

[Injunb in reply to Injunb]

Well I made it through the day, but man it was hard. I just wish I could hear her voice or get a text telling me she is ok. It is so hard when someone tells you they love you and then goes cold.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Injunb]

Im glad u made it. And I'm so sorry how hard this is for u but just remember its for the person u love

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Injunb]

Exactly I completely understand what she is going threw I was raped too. I just dont think about it honestly. I have more of a health anxiety then anything else.

[Injunb in reply to Lvictoria81]

Thank you for being able to say it. I can appreciate why you would not think about it. I encourage you to try though if you don't the feelings will only grow stronger.

[Hanachan in reply to JOEY23]

Hello try to use Lexapro 10 m its a miracle tablet for me at least u should try ist one week or two u feel lazy but once if it kick then ur life will be changed at least just try

[Agora1 in reply to Hanachan]

Me too Hanachan

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Hanachan]

Ugh I hated lexapro made everything worse I felt very sick on it. Celexa the same thing.

[Hanachan in reply to Lvictoria81]

lvictoria for a week or 2 you will feel bad but once it kick in then you will feel better i dont know what you are anxious for i have anxiety of heart attack thats why i have done plenty tests recently angiography was clear so i m not more anxious about palpitation heart flutter i think the easy way to handle the anxiety is what ur concern is do plenty of research ist then go for test if test is clear its easy to deal with anxiety---look if there is a new car there is no gurantte of engine any time it will be seeze so same like that our life has no guranttee----suppose we are going by car and there is an accident we will die or we go out side from home and some thing fall on our head we can die any thing is possible the point is that what ur concern is like heart attack anxiet cancer anxiety do tests it will make clear and after rhat u deal with anxiety u will think oh come there you are again you will not kill me only make me frighten here i m standing i dont care of u any anxiety come on kill me thats what i m doing if i have palpitation i say to my self come on kill me now. Im ready to die--medicine will not help 100% the main power is the emotions if u have control on it u can handle anxiety😫😫 i have fear of colon cancer as i have ibs i do colonscopy i dont care of ibs any more i have acid reflux i do endoscopy clear no more thinking heart is concern i do echo 24 hours holter ecgs 99% fine ct angiography clear no more concern taking lexapro for a while then i will leave it----i notice if u think more medicine didnot help so go for tests if tests are clear anxiety medicine will help then bcoz all worries will finish then

[HopingCat]

Yep. Been dealing with depersonalization/derealization for 6 months now. I just force myself to do everything like normal even though it's pure hell. According to my old psychiatrist she said this is a phenomenal from anxiety and you have to cure the anxiety first so it can go away... I'm still waiting to snap out of this hell

[JOEY23 in reply to HopingCat]

At least your psychiatrist knew what you had mine are just a bunch of goofballs. So it just has to wear off eventually that's what they said? Cause I used to be a real go-getter now I'm scared of even leaving the house. I was even thinking of shock therapy. But I gotta look into that more.🤔

[HopingCat in reply to JOEY23]

Oh trust me I don't know where the hell this came from. I wasn't even suffering from any disordered. I have a good life and I was happy before this hit me so I don't know why my brain decided to do this to me. Now I'm forcing myself to do everything I use to love to do and sometimes I can't even go into a store because the lights are so Intense it makes me feel like I am in a dream... yeah disturbing. Anyways, i tried Zoloft for 6 weeks and didn't work and came off it. Now I am on Effexor and it's been 2 weeks of that and I'm praying it works

[JOEY23 in reply to HopingCat]

The same with me with the lights it feels like I'm looking through plexiglass. There's this new drug out my therapist told me about to tell my psychiatrist. It's called trintellix it's supposed to be the best anti-depression medicine out. It's only been out for about a year. Ask about that, I am.

[Hidden in reply to HopingCat]

i know the feeling with the lights. lights intensify the feeling of being in a dream for me too. even sun light bothers me to the point that i had to put black shoe polish on the top of the inside of my sunglasses so that i could cope with being outside. this actually helps me in my anxious state. i feel a little better since i got back on the meds i took before. i have to take a trip (16hr drive with my hubby). im scared to go but i want to try.

[Hidden in reply to HopingCat]

you have had it for 6 mo how do u keep going as normal? what do u say to urself? i really need help because when it hits me i just want to run. it makes me afraid that im going crazy and will end up in a mental institution. im so afraid it will get so bad that im going to have to quit my job like i did when it first happened 27 yrs ago. i couldn't work for 7 years. i found an antidepressant that worked and was able to go back to work. i've been working for 19 yrs but now that it has hit me again, im afraid it might cause me to have to quit my job and i don't want to do that. i really would appreciate ur input being that u are able to force urself to do everything like normal despite depersonalization/derealization. im terrified of it when its really bad and nothing i do or say to myself helps.

[HopingCat in reply to Hidden]

It’s 8 months now for me. I am on medication now and it has been helping. It hasn’t cured me but it has helped me cope. So I take Effexor and Xanax. I was refusing to take Xanax but now that I do I wish I would have started sooner. It helps. Especially with the dream feel and light sensitivity. It gives me a eff it attitude. All these months I just been trying really hard to distract myself and do everything I use to do even if it feels horrific. Time is my best friend. As time goes on I am able to cope better with these disturbing horrific symptoms.

[noemikahle]

Have u tried any other meds? Paxil and Prozac never helped me but celexa does with combo of amytryptaline.

[JOEY23 in reply to noemikahle]

No I been on paxil and Xanax for about 10 years. I'm going to write them down though. My psychiatrist swears by paxil. I don't know why. If something isn't working try something different right. But he just keeps upping my Xanax.

[Hanachan in reply to JOEY23]

I remember when i go to my gp i request for klonpin i m currently living in japan---i request my doctor my gp to have a klnopin and propnolol---he mention me that now there is a new tablet lexapro that is a good tablet i say ok lets try and he give me lexapro 10 mg once at night and pronolo 10 mg3 times a day i use the combo for three months i feelcwell then i stop propnolol snd use lexapro for more 2 months then i stop it 2 month i m fine but i have ct angiography which bring back my anxiety my angiography is normal now i use lexapro 10 mg again and i feel fine but this time i think i can use it for a one year then i should eat one day one day i will not eat then i take two times in a week then once a week--------

[Hidden in reply to noemikahle]

I have been back on paxil for the past 3 months and wellbutron. I took paxil before and it was wonderful. It took away my sex drive so I wanted to try something with less sexual side effects. That's when I tried mitazipine. It has not worked so now I'm being weaned off of it. The withdrawal from mitazipine has intensified my depression and anxiety. The depersonalization is at times unbearable. Although I feel better than I have been since December, it still interfers with my usual routine. Being back on paxil has helped. I think I just need to take it a little longer to be my old self again.

[Zuixdoll]

I can relate with feeling numb and how. Or hinge feels real.

[JOEY23]

How do you deal with it?

[Hanachan in reply to JOEY23]

Try ro avoid searching on google and also dont see in this page to it will make u more sick and u think about differenr kind of disease just try to pray and try to spend ur time in sport activites or fishing other else which u think make u relief and u didnot think about ur anxiety its a humble request dont search ur symptoms on google not in this page leave every thing now i will not search any thing on google and i also quiet from here

[Pinky0]

Years ago things used to occur which I was sure had happened before. Exactly the same scenes. Things I'd seen. Real life not from dreams or something. I can't remember now what they were.

[laruecharles]

If I were you, I would look at extreme diet cleanup first thing. Get the bad stuff out and the good stuff in. Those pills are part of the bad stuff. Next is exercise which is crucial to improving mood. Here are some diet ideas:

Digestion

Take 1/2 teaspoon of Swedish bitters after each meal

Eat fermented foods every day, such as yogurt, kefir and sauerkraut

Meats

Eat only organic grass fed beef and chicken.

Avoid all processed meats like luncheon meat

Sugar

Eliminate all sugar, honey, artificial sweeteners, fruit juices

Eliminate all wheat, corn, barley, and rye from your diet

Eliminate all cake, muffins, etc., forever

Caffeine

Eliminate all caffeine

Fats

Increase high quality fats, such as avocado, butter, coconut oil, organic milk and cream, cod liver oil, olive oil. Stay away from all other fats

Organic vegetables

Eat steamed broccoli, kale, spinach, collards, cabbage, etc. every day

Organic fruit

Eat some organic berries every day

Fiber

If you tend to be constipated, take 3/4 teaspoon of psylium husk powder in water every day

Supplements

Take a good vitamin B supplement, also B12 and Vitamin D3 along with vitamin K2

Water filters

Buy a reverse osmosis water filter and only drink filtered water

Install a shower filter that gets rid of chlorine and florides

Anyway, you get the idea.

Be sure to exercise or take a mile walk every day, preferably at the beach in bare feet.

[Hidden]

you said you have been going through it for 18 years. how have you been coping for so long with derealization? i suffer from anxiety and depression and derealization is a symptom of my condition. when my meds work and my depression lifts, i don't have it. im going through a bad spell now bcs of withdrawal from an antidepressive that didn't work (so im told). comming off this med has worsened my anxiety and depersonaliztion symptoms. pls tell me how you manage to keep living with condition?

[Pain_bane_of_my_life]

Good

[Kuldipkenya1]

Hi. From what you say I would say it's most likely extreme depression . I had these signs some uears back to the extent that i could not walk. I was not myself any more...

But Prozac did help me. Also I was on some antistamine. It did help.

Now I am battling anxiety and I am just Fed Up.

Hope you get better soon.

Regards