I haven't written anything on here for 8 months now.
It's been quite a journey, through my agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, all of my problems and health crisis.
Since the last time I wrote, I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism and they have also discovered a lesion in my brain (a nerve has been damaged) which causes me dizziness. I knew my symptoms weren't "all in my head", and I pursued answers until I finally found them, forcing my doctors to not give up on me and I'm glad I did. I have yet to have some more tests done as I keep discovering everything that is wrong.
I've also started taking levothyroxine for my thyroid. So far, I've been having horrifying symptoms like insomnia, irritability, body hair, more dizziness, more depersonalization, and even my period is two weeks late which never happens usually. I guess they need to find the right dose for me. It's not good, the way it is now.
My anxiety is spiking once again. Last year, a lot of things happened to me: I fell ill with adrenal fatigue, I failed a year in college, my dad came back home after 10 years of working abroad, my brother moved away into a whole other part of the Earth, and I had to go back to college. In the end, I decided to take a break to sort myself out. Glad I did. Everything was fine.
But now I'm facing a new challenge. One year has passed. I am still sick, I am continuously getting new diagnoses, I am still agoraphobic, still anxious, still depressed. Yet somehow, I have to go back to school for my final year before I can get my bachelor's degree in psychology. I don't know how I'm gonna make it, let alone two additional years for my master's degree. As time is passing, I believe more and more I will never actually finish. Maybe I'll just get my bachelor's degree.
I start college again in October, and as the time is approaching, I am feeling worse and worse, both mentally and physically. I don't know how I'm gonna make it. I don't know how I'm gonna go to school every single day as if nothing is wrong, when there's so much wrong. I can't take another break or fail another year because if I do, they will kick me out and I have to start all over again if I wanna go to college. I am screwed if I don't make it, at least this one more year, and I've been told by my old classmates that the third year is the hardest. I am not ready for that.
I am looking for any words of comfort right about now... anything helps.
Thank you for reading this, if you have read it.