Hi I'm 18 years old still suffering since the age of 8 I've only been getting worse since I didn't get the grades at gcse or college to go to the uni I wanted. I have no friends to support me (used to have some all of them left me for other people) I was bullied emotionally and online I felt helpless and had no one to turn to (still don't have anyone) I have other problems as I am a lesbian and transgender which is probably may be weird for some of you to hear my parents are homophobic and transphobic and know nothing about me,my suffering or how I feel. I'm often pressured to get a job,do well at school but I just fail constantly I have an autistic brother who seems to hate seeing my face I have no freedom at home I can't come downstairs so I'm all alone in my room. I cry every night and self harm but it just doesn't seem like enough to relieve me. I really wanted to go university but gcse just didn't go my way I was previously a good student though I had anxiety I was an A* in physics and A in mathematics and Bs in other subjects but I dropped the maths grade down to C grade one mark of a B since then I've become worse I can't do the A levels I want anymore. I was forced to do subjects I hated I have attempted suicide but always failed when I began to try to kill myself. Life's gonna get worse since I can't have what I want to do in life. That is architecture. I have no chance since I'm not worthy. I'm becoming lower,feeling uglier,dumber, more stupid and useless than ever. I have no aspirations or motivation to go on with life. What should I do?
Oh yeah and anxiety is a issue since I can't talk properly with anyone I tend to stay away from people since I've been hurt far too many times. I seriously can't wait to die. When is a killer gonna come through my window and stab me what a beautiful day that would be for me.