I've had GAD for years and when I'm starting to feel better it comes back again. I guess I'm never going to be free
But I'm concerned that the relationship I'm in isn't helping me either. I apologise now if this is a long one, but I feel I need some advise
We've been together for 16 years and I fell pregnant with our first child after 4 years and then another followed. When my youngest was 6mnths old I was diagnosed with depression (I was living far from my family, a new mum and my own mum was diagnosed with cancer). I don't know if he realised but he would make me feel like I wasn't good enough. He'd come home from work and immediately start sweeping floors, puffing panting n moaning about how he'd had a busy day and had enough to do. He still does this now, 12 years later, tells everybody he works hard n then has to come home and clean n tidy (my house is very clean already, so he doesn't need to). This has continued for years. He can be lovely, he works hard to give us things and is always saving for new things. But he can also be rude, confrontational and very opinionated. In life, if he says it's not right, then it's not. He moans about what the children watch on tv. He thinks everything they watch or read should teach them something. Whereas I believe in enjoying life, being happy and laughing.
I find I'm stressed out when he's around, on edge. I feel I can't use my phone, can't watch what I want or say what I want. And if I do have an opinion I'm 'just going against everything he says'.
Ive had counselling for years and try so hard to live each day positively. I've got numerous books that I'm reading but try to deal with it all privately
Im really wondering if this relationship is holding me back, stopping me from finally moving on into a positive happy future
Can anyone offer some advise? 😥