So I went back to counseling with my psychiatrist and i explained to him that i was nervous to take medication because of what I've been reading... Instead of him reassuring me of positivity he said if I don't want to take medication he doesn't know how to help me... Like WOW. It seems like the only one who wants me to feel better is me, and the people here to help you aren't really here to help you. Like he didn't try to give me alternitives. He said well maybe you need to see a therapist. I didn't say I would never take it, I said I was nervous and to be honest, if he diagnosed me with Anxiety, a mood disorder, and derealization disorder, how can he expect me to feel comfortable taking medication. My fear is losing who I am to me, not being able to bounce back, forgetting my family, turning into a zombie, and being uncontrollable. That's why I don't want to take medication. Instead of him trying to help me, he simply said well then I don't know how to help you. I was on the waiting list for months. All for nothing because Im not even seeing the psychiatrist any more. Now Ive been put on the waiting list I thought was the same list but i was wrong, it is a separate list which means I have this waiting process all over again. It's really frustrating and sometimes I just want to scream and black out. I feel like its unfair that I have to go through all of this. I don't know if you guys are religious but I sometimes question why do I have to go through things. I ask God for is help to deal with all my problems, especially my mental ones... But, he hasn't helped me yet. I just don't know what to do at this point. I try to make a big deal about a lot of things, and I'll shut down... If anyone can give me some advice I would appreciate it. I'm getting so very tired of feeling this way. Defeated, confused, helpless. I'm tired of feeling like I'm daydreaming. I want to be okay.