Lost my love and soul mate to alcohol.

[Wildmage]

I have struggled with anxiety and depression recently and in the past due to various reasons but more recently because I had a falling out with my man. I knew he drank too much and struggled with depression and I wanted to help him. I told him I loved him and didn't want to lose him in my life and he got angry and pushed me away, told me to get out of his life. I was so upset and panicked and kept trying to talk with him. I did not want to give up on him. He passed away from alcoholic liver failure recently and I feel lost and alone. I feel like I should have done more to help him. His friend told me that he did not understand why I loved him so much, as he didn't think he was worthwhile. He was to me. His friend told me that Brian loved me but did not know how to show it. "Men don't show affection" that's what he believed. I don't know how people deal with this. He was/is the only man I have ever loved and at 53 he was too young to go. Alcohol changes you, it changes how you think and feel and in the end the love of the bottle is more important than loved ones, family and friends. I am 41 and I feel like my life is over. I don't want anybody else. I am trying to keep busy doing my job as I know that's what he would have wanted and how we met. I am struggling everyday with the thoughts that I will never see him again. That was the only thing/hope keeping me going and now thats gone. I don't blame him. Alcoholism is an illness and is so hard. I just wish this had not happened. I miss him and think of him every single day. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression please please don't numb the feelings and hurt by drinking. It is not the solution.

Emma (wildmage)

[Petita]

Hello. I'm sorry for your loss. Alcoholism is a terrible and scary thing. My parents divorced when I was young because my dad was a raging alcoholic. I am thankful that he got his life in order and has been sober for a little over 20 years now. He's a different person, loving, caring and supporting. Although both my parents moved on, I know it is still hard for my mom to know she dealt with it for the 20 years they were married. I think it's frustrating to know there is nothing you can do to help someone who is not willing to help themselves.

You are right, for anyone with anxiety/depression, alcohol is not the answer. I'm sorry once again for what you are going through. Your life is not over, you are still young. It's ok to mourn your love, you have a reason to feel sad, but don't let it take you down. Stay strong and remeber the good times you had with your love.

Wishing you all the best.

[Wildmage in reply to Petita]

Thanks Petita. It is just hard to feel this way right now. It took me a long time to find him and now I have lost him and I never got to make things right or say goodbye.

[love2 in reply to Wildmage]

wildmage. Just want to say I'm sorry for your loss. I've had lots of experience with alcoholism in my own life. I urge you to seek out Alanon meetings in your area. These meeting are for family, friends and loved ones of alcoholics. Have you ever been to a meeting?

[Wildmage in reply to love2]

I have been looking for a group. I think I need to understand what makes a person become an alcoholic and why they push everyone they love and who loves them away. Thanks love2.

[love2]

It's a physical, emotional and spiritual disease. I urge you to go to whatever meetings are in your area and ask there for a meeting book for your area. You can go to meetings anywhere you find yourself in the world. They also have meetings on line now, that could be good for you also. There may be a list of groups & meetings in your area on line also. Do it Wildmage- you will be amazed how much the alanon program will help you and indeed the support of others you will be able to identify with. Cyber hug