The need to be wanted..And wanting to be needed..

[shadow45]

I was wondering this morning if these two sentences make sense... i woke up today again with really nothing going on in my life... I believe that the need to have someone in life that needs me to be there for them Is what makes life more full...I have read where if we have to love ourselves.... Become all that we need within our own existence ..But now I am not looking my parents.(it's been 4 months) since they went into care... I wake to the feeling of who gives a crap if I am here or not.... .I mean I don't think of ending my life because of this feeling.... its just odd to wake up thinking these things.... I do have a few friends whom I can make contact with... But it seems like I am always the one who has to make contact... I mean I never get a phone call asking to get together... I sometimes wonder why I have a phone at all.for all the use it gets.... I have thought about asking my daughter just to check in with me from time to time just to say hello... I do Email her but she has a busy life and I seldom get a response... Or if I do its weeks later.... With the few people I know can't really call them all friends as some are people I see in the restaurants I go to.... I don't socialize with them at all ...Its just an hour or so at lunch where we have short conversations.... Its just not enough you know.... I have to let that be enough because that's all there is.... I do the rounds.... Sometimes I don't get to see the people I need to see because they are busy with other things.... So I can go two or three days without any contact at all... which leaves me wondering what I am thinking today... Who really cares who really needs me..

[Hidden]

HI Steve, Yes to me they make sense perfectly, I have a desire within me to feel needed, truly wanted and needed 24/7 . Its hard to explain but to me its the thought of belonging x Being in the company of people who want to be with me for me and not just as i am there, but then needing them to prove it by showing they want me there. But then I think you have to accept yourself and love yourself before you will be able to accept the others can return the feelings. Some days when we have anxiety, I feel it is more t do with the loneliness, we are human and we are adapted to be social after all. I often also think who would miss me if I was gone, but then I turn it into what would I miss, and i would miss to much so I have to run with life x It is hard when life around you seems to be going and you are at a standstill but soon you will be back among those and having a good life again xx Donver

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Separation and abandonment issues are always present in life.. They are often hidden by the illusion that were are part of something.... A family ,a working group,.or just society in general... This bloody anxiety sets us apart from the normal ways of interaction( for me anyway)... But your right Donna when I get back to work I`ll be part of a bigger mechanism that has a purpose which everyone will be working toward...

[Hidden]

hi steve, your posts are so poignant, sometimes when I read them I have to stop because they are so distressing, other times there is a real sense of humour and you have me laughing, I think its sad your daughter is not in touch more, after all you are her father & have cared for her all of her life, its so hard when your parents are in care, my mother went into care ( dementia ) 6 months ago, I can see her drifting away from me, wish I lived closer would love to have a beer with you, keep posting steve, all the best jasperx

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Yes Jasper.. I have met so many people on this site I know I could be friends with in the flesh as it were... I agree if we could go to the pub for a cold one that would be wonderful. Cheers steve

[Hidden]

Hi Steve.

The need to feel useful,wanted and important to someone is very natural.When you've been in that situation and then it stops it's awful,as if your purpose is gone. I've found you've just got to keep on battling through it,make the phone calls,make arrangements to meet.

I've felt at times that Its always me reaching out,but it's worth it in the long run.

I'm sure things will improve when you return to work.Is there any news about your cat?

Sendin hugs Anne xxx

[shadow45]

No Anne... I have to stop thinking that she will turn up now... Its just too painful to go around looking for her every night ....I have seen a good portion of the neighbourhood and if she goes back to the wild she will have lots of hunting ground and covered sleeping places. So I am trying to think the best...Its been a week now miracles do happen but for now Ill have to put it behind me.. steve

[hamble99b]

steve, what you are feeling is perfectly normal.

whilst we are caring for family, our life & likes take 2nd place, and others' routine becomes ours.

when that link is broken, we need to find ourselves again and re-learn "how to be me."

we have changed, have different likes/dislikes and priorities and the adjustments take time -

I'd forgotten:-

how to grocery shop just for me;

how to go for a stroll, a walk, just for me;

how to window shop.

I wouldn't take back any minute I spent, and shared,

I just couldn't remember what Sandras do

regards,

sandra