Hi, this is my first post on this site. I have struggled with Severe Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder for about 13 years now. I have been on every imaginable medication I think there is. I have had ECT all to no avail. I have attempted suicide on a few occasions, and been sections because of this. I have also self harmed a lot.
About years ago, I was again at the point of not being able to cope with life any more. I was looking on the internet about he medications out there, and came across Escitalopram, which I have never tried, I asked my psychiatrist at that time if I could try it, he agreed, and I started to pick up after a while, so I feel like it is the drug that saved my life. (I also take Trazadone 350mg every night, along with 20mg Diazepam a day).
Things have been getting so so much worse. I am no longer under the Mental Health Team, all things changed here, and you only get 12 sessions with a care worker and that is it. To be honest, she was of no help at all, and if anything, made things a lot worse.
I have nowhere to turn. I have recently changed doctors, who does not know me at all. I am terrified to go and see him, because the Mental Health Team referred my care back to the doctors. I do not want to be re-referred to them anyway, because each time I get mixed up with them, all goes wrong. If its left to the Doctor, I am petrified that he will try to play around with my medication, and I feel so on the edge at the moment, that I am scared he will remove one of them, which I wont be able to cope without, I already feel suicidal, and fear that this will tip me over the edge.
Please has any one else been in a similar situation, and if so, what did you do. I am really struggling, and I dread each day coming round.
Many thanks to all that have taken the time to read my 'book'
Best Wishes
Tracy
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tramelia
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Please go & see your mew GP , I know where your fear is coming from but you sound like you need the support
Tell him/her everything you have written here , in fact I would take a copy of what you have written down here & just pass it them as you have explained yourself very well in your post
There is also a site on here called Action on Depression , if you go on to look for communities & look on A you will see it , I haven't looked you maybe already a member but as well as good advise on here members will understand on there especially with the depression & the more support & advise you can get the better , we can never have to much support from people that understand
If your thoughts are becoming suicidal I would urge you to talk to the Samaritans there number is 08457 909090
Hi Whywhy, Many thanks for your advice. My last doctors knew all about my Mental Health problems in great detail, but for reasons I wont go into, my Husband and I had to move Dr's Practices. As I said, the new one, knows absolutely nothing about me. I know it will be in my notes, but from what we have gathered since moving to them several months ago, they have not bothered to look at them. So I will be going in there with them knowing nothing. As I said, I have been like this for many years, and am terrified that they will change medications and make it all worse, and that would just be the last straw for me. I certainly don't want to go back to the Mental Health Team and risk being sectioned again, I just cant go through that horrifying experience again.
I will go and take a look at the Action on Depression, thanks for that.
Thank you for the numbers to ring if desperate, I have actually rung the Samaritans, and did not find it helpful.
I am sorry, I know it sounds like I am not prepared to try anything, its not so much that, its just that I fear things being made worse.
It's awful that we can no longer rely on continuity of care. I'm convinced a lot of people's problems could be alleviated if they were just able to see the same care team for as long as they needed them. (I'm sure this would be cheaper in the long run too.)
I can only echo WhyWhy's advice. I know how hard it is to go to your GP (I have problems with this too) but make the appointment and have the chat. Sometimes things are much worse in our heads than they are in reality!!!!
Hi Lizard, thanks for your advice. I will think hard on going to the Doctors, the mere thought of it terrifies me. I am unfortunately, the sort of person that always thinks the worst will happen.
I will let all know how I got on, thanks for caring.
Discharge to your GP seems to be the accepted course of events these days no matter what the circumstances may be. The word 'recovery' is bandied about as if it were a 'cure' in itself which invariably it isn't. I think everything depends on your relationship with your GP. If it is a relationship whereby your GP knows you well enough to take control, for instance, of your medication as s/he sees fit then that is the best way to go. Your psychiatrist will prescribe medication based upon a thirty or so minutes consultation maybe once a year, a medication review, but it is down to your GP to take control of your long term health - it's cheaper! Obviously I cannot comment on more than a general level because I do not know you or your particular difficulties, but one thing I would say is that 20mg of diazepam a day is a lot and depending on the length of time you have been taking it that is probably of no use to you any more. Benzodiazipines are as addictive as heroin as I'm sure you know, and as difficult to become both physically and psychologically rid of them. All the old structure of support workers, CPNs and what have you has now been almost dismantled - money issues again - and discharge to the GP is all that seems left. Don't be afraid to tell your GP exactly what your feelings are at the moment and if you feel the need to keep your medication regime the way it is at the moment then allow that to be the first line of your conversation. Good luck and well done for existing after ECT - I lost four years of life because of that!!
Hi jrcornwall, Thank you for your reply. I could not agree more, its all to do with money. Prior to my last care worker, which I only had for the obligatory 12 weeks, I had a psychiatric Social Worker doing the job of a CPN, he was absolutely brilliant, I had him for several years would you believe. He left the job because he could not bear being in the job any more because he said it was not about the people any more, it was all paperwork, which is not why he took the job in the job in the first place, he wanted to help people. But, as you say, all they care about is the cost, and it turned out that my care worker used to be the receptionist at the Mental Health Hospital I was under, and she applied for the job (with no qualifications) and got it, I only found this out because I occasionally see my old Social worker socially for a cuppa. So basically, my life was in the hands of some young girl who had no training, but we must not forget the most important thing, she was cheap to hire.
Anyway, sorry for ranting on. Yes, I know 20mg Diazepam is a lot, I was on 80mg, and it was me that brought it down to what I am now on. I will be thinking seriously about going to my doctors. You say you lost 4 years of your life to ECT, did you find it helpful in any way? To me, it was the worst decision I ever made. Basically, I was not eating or drinking, the medications were doing nothing for me, and there last resort was ECT, I had 7 sessions out of the prescribed 12, but as they were not helping, they stopped them. My Husband will never forget the way I was with it, I did not know who I was, or him, or where I was, I was a total Zombie. Here I am several years down the line and still affected by it. I have lost most of my past memories, and as for now, I have no memory of things that happen. It does get to my husband, as he will say 'you remember when......' and I will say no. So I wonder how you got on with. it.
Anyway, please take good care of yourself, and thanks for the support.
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