The origin of my anxiety

Growing up I was a happy and carefree child. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I had my very first panic attack. About 6 months prior to my attack, I was constantly stressing out daily trying to keep up with my spriritual, social, and school work life. I remember feeling really pressured by my mom to be an example in the church. I lived a very restricted life, I could only have friends whom where from the church. I felt the pressure of which College I was going to and what career path I would take. It all bottled up until one night... I exploded.

That night, I was working late on some math homework. Then as I lay down on my bed to go to sleep, I felt a weird sensation, intense fear. It felt like I was being possessed by a demon and that I was going to die. I shot up out of my bed and ran to my mom and told her that I couldn't breathe and that something was wrong with me. I remember pacing back and forth in the kitchen, checking my pulse, feeling so scared. I couldn't feel my arms or legs, so we decided to go to the ER where they told me that I was having a panic attack. I couldn't believe that it was anxiety, I seriously thought something was wrong and I was dying. But after many doctor visits and examinations, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder.

Today, I still struggle with panic, derealization, anxiety, and negative thoughts. I fear the feelings that I felt that night. I have gotten better. My anxiety attacks are less frequent. I acknowledge that my feelings are just anxiety and they seem to settle down. Of course, some days are harder then others. I look forward to the day that I can live without worrying and overthinking so much about my anxiety, all it does is suck the joy out of my days. I find console watching YouTube videos, Pinterest, facebook, talking to family and friends, and typing out my thoughts and feelings onto this community. This online community has helped me realize that I'm not the only one who feels those terrifying feelings, and that it can be helped. I look forward to the time where I can enjoy my life fully again.


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11 Replies

  • I sorry u had to go through that. I remember my first panic attack like it was yesterday it was the worse feeling I ever felt. I hope u feel better soon. Do u see a therapist? Or take meds? I rely on God to heal me. But I have try everything. Best of luck to u.

  • Thanks for responding. No I kinda rely on self help, I wouldn't mind seeing a therapist. I might try it if my anxiety gets worse, but I've been feeling pretty good. I choose not to take meds just cause I'm not sure how my body will react, I've heard for some people it makes their anxiety worse. That's nice that you rely on God, I feel like my faith has been slacking, I guess cause of the religion I was in last, but I wanna try to rebuild a better connection with God. What makes you have a strong faith in God?

  • I been in church all my life and. And I believe in him and I know he's a healer.

  • That's great that you find console in God ☺️

  • God love us so much what we going through is only a test we will enjoy life That's God promise to us

  • Most of us realize that our own strength is not always enough to get through some of the situations that this life brings. At those difficult times, it is wise to call on God for extra strength and for His strength to help sustain you when your own strength fail💜

  • I also remember my very first panic attack like it was yesterday. This was induced by Marijuana when I was 18 years old. First time smoking too. I remember being high and all of a sudden my eyes closed and I opened them and I was in complete detachment. I couldn't feel my body at all and I started screaming saying I felt my soul was leaving my body, that I couldn't breath, and to call 911. Long story short, the next day I woke up and everything felt weird. People, surroundings and everything. I couldn't explain it. I had to go to the Er multiple times because that feeling kept coming. Eventually I went into a mental clinic and they told me that was a panic attack and send me home with some Paxil. They didn't explain anything to me. I never took the pills and I suffered for over a year with that damn feeling. Eventually it went away and I was living a happy life until 4 months ago when all I did was think about that night 18 years ago (I'm 36 now) and BAM the hell returned. This time I was not high, I don't drink and I'm healthy...... so I'm stuck in this hell that I don't even know how it got here. It really sucks and we don't deserve this at all. I hope you all feel better soon. Do you take any medications? I only take Amitrypiline and it helps to sleep. Now that I just read your name I'm thinking I probably have talked to you on messages...

  • I know the struggle, there are some times where I can go a couple months feeling great, and then once I start thinking about my anxiety, then I spiral down into having terrible anxiety attacks for the next few days. But I think if our minds created it then we can get rid of it ourselves right? That's one reason why I prefer not to take meds just cause I feel like self help helps me feel more in control of my anxiety, even though sometimes it's hard. I'm also afraid of any reactions towards medicines like making my anxiety worse. And yea I've replied to some of your posts.

  • When u pray ask God to send u to the right Doctor's that can help u. Because is good and bad Doctor's out here. And God gave use everything we need on this earth thats where faith comes in at. Meditate on God word's amd sing praises to Him. I will pray for u.

  • I first panic attack I was in my teens I smoke some weed. And I thought I was dying I was detached from my body. I was going to the ER daily. And having panic attacks daily I was scared and thought I was losing my mind. I struggle for years and I dont take meds

  • Same story with me!

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