Alone and scared!

[Eeyore74]

My boyfriend died in April 2017! I had massive depression before then, but now I have massive anxiety on top of that! I am not able to leave my house alone at all! I can't go I to stores unless my daughter is with me (she is 10)! In 9 days I will be homeless cause I can't afford the rent where we were living! I am unable to work as I was in a car accident in June of 2013! Have had a lot of thoughts of suicide! Which I know is not right and my daughter needs me but when she goes to her dads on weekends it gets really bad! I get where I can't breathe I start crying and I don't know what to do anymore! Bob was my life and now he's gone! Cancer not only took his life, it completely destroyed mine!

[gettingbetter09]

Im sorry your going through this. My mum was exactly how you are discribing after the lose of my father due to cancer. She would be sleeping one minute and be in hysterics the next. Its normal, you are normal and you're reaction is totally normal. It is only natural that you want your daughter near, you need to feel closeness and reassurance. I know it may not feel like it now but it will pass and you will learn to cope.

Have you went to the doctors for a wee chat to see what is available to you?

My mum now is out and about enjoying life, even going on holidays, she still has off days but she copes. There will be ease eventually, just hold tight until then, take one day at a time or even hour by hour and get as much help as possible. Sleep when you can, cry if you want to and dont fight how youre feeling.

X

[Nicki1984]

So sorry to hear about your loss and what you are going through. Your loss is still very recent and the grieving process will take time. You are right your daughter needs you and you will get through this I know it does not seem like it now. Bob was your life but don't forget you are your daughters world and she will need you for her life ahead. I'm not sure what other support network you have but reach out to as many people and professionals as you can for help - doctors, council, citizens advice etc you need some support to work out your next steps as you have so much on your plate it must feel overwhelming. Good luck let us know if you need further advice x

[Eeyore74 in reply to Nicki1984]

Thank you! I have been packing to move to somewhere I have no idea yet! Have to be out of my place in 6 days and no where to go! I have not had time to call anyone! I am so work out and angry and scared and I just wanna give you!

[gemfire]

Isn't there some sort of disability you can get from your car accident? Where do you live? In the US there are a lot of resources to help you with your rent. On a side note...I also have problems leaving the house alone. It's a form of agoraphobia caused by anxiety. It's the least of your worries right now though. Post here any time you need to. Someone is always around 24/7 to "chat" with.

[Eeyore74 in reply to gemfire]

I live in Canada and I have been fighting with the insurance company for 4 years! I am trying to live off $935 a month! For me and my daughter! I was getting by until my boyfriend died April 2017! 😦

[Eeyore74]

I am feeling so alone and down! I still have no place to live! I told my landlords that I will not be leaving at the end of the month! They are not happy about that, but if I have no place to go the my daughter's dad will take her from me then I will have no reason to live and will give in and go be with my sweet Bob! I don't know what to do! It hasn't gotten any easier at all for me and my anxiety and depression are getting worse and not in any way getting better! I have an appointment to talk to my shrink on Friday! I don't want to be alive anymore!