Lost again Feeling alone and scared about my future.

[shadow45]

How can 24 hours make such a difference in ones life.... Going from hope to despair in one fowl swoop. I haven't lived a stable life.... Never have I had a time where I felt safe, My early days were spent being dragged from pillar to post by my nomadic parents.... By the time I was in my 20`s we had moved 30 times. Both my marriages failed leaving me devastated emotionally I did recover but I was less of a human after the experience.. It didn't strengthen me... it took its toll... Now with the failure of the house selling to these people my life has once more being cast into doubt and worry. I`m not a strong person I have no inner strength to muster .I have been single for 17 years. No one in my life to prop me up when I need it..My family are indifferent at best....My brother lives in another town... All I want to hear is a kind word from him.. But this is my problem not his... Same with my daughter why should I burden her with all my doubts and worries.

Now at 60 my future looks bleak....Looking after my parents for five years took me out of the work force.. Now I'm running into all kinds of issues with my age when I apply for work... If I can't find a job what am I to do. I'll have some money when the house sells and that is the only thing that keeps me going....But so what... money is not what I need. I need love in my life I need a hand to hold. I have never lived an independent live... Its either been my family or a lover who I need to feel human. Living independently is not going to work for me... I'm scared..I have so many more years to get through... and I can't see going it alone I woke up in tears today I look at my life now and I see nothing but heartache in the future.... What am I going to do with the next 20 years... How Am I going to get through the next week... Oh god this hurts.... One day all is well the next total despair I don't think I can take much more of this life of uncertainty and isolation from hope.I was just starting to come around to thinking I was going to be ok then this happens and I'm right back in the dumper again. Im tired now and I have to pump myself up again I don't know if I have the strength anymore...I'm empty I`m lost. God please help me.........

[Hidden]

Hi Steve

I am so sad when I was reading your post to see how very low you are feeling

I know we all have a story to tell how our lives have panned out & not always as we hoped or should have been at the best of times & I have often asked why me ?

But through all the struggles & there have been many I have had so many times when I have thought I have nothing left to give , the strength in me is no longer there to keep going but eventually somehow I have found it again & you will to

I can understand you feeling it would be nice to have someone that you could share the good as well as the bad times with , I went through a phrase in my life when I thought without someone to share everything I wasn't whole & yes it is nice to have someone there I wont deny it but what I have learnt is that I have to love & accept myself & find happiness from within because only me & me alone can give myself that & even someone in my life cant make me feel that way they can enhance it but it has to be already there within me

I think when we suffer with anxiety these events happen & we are so sensitive we feel like it is just us , but its life & so many don't get the best dealt cards as we say from where I come from but that can be how life can be but its nothing we have done or asked for or deserve but life & what it throws at us

None of that makes it any easier & the pain any less , but look at what you have dealt with , there is an inner strength in you , at the moment it feels weak but it is still there & you will get through this

I always look back & at the time I don't see it but I am a big believer everything happens for a reason & the reason even though it can take a while to see usually is for the good , I believe there is going to be something better than you thought originally was going to be for you

I know its not quite the same , but you have friends on here & we care we might not be physically there but we are just a message away

Sorry if this hasn't been much help but wanted to let you know I am thinking about you & you are not alone

Keep your chin up kiddo

Love

whywhy

xxx

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

B.less you whywhy I need to make a move to be with my family again That's what I'm going to do... I have made up my mind now. So I`ll do that when the house sells... Its the one and only decision that gives me hope for some happiness...

[Hidden in reply to shadow45]

Your not alone,never think that Hun ,we are allways here ,sending the biggest hug xxxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi,I'm so sorry your feeling total despair.

Don't really know what to say,as the way your feeling right now words won't mean much to you.

Just wanted you to know your not alone,we're not there in person,but we are there to care about you

Sending you good wishes and hugs .Really hope just replying to your post helps a little. Xxxx

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

It does bless you..

[Hidden]

Hi Shadow, I'm so sorry to hear about the house falling through and about how you are feeling today. I just want to let you know that I've read your post and I'm thinking about you x

[shadow45]

Thank you all for your kindness and compassion... I really don`t know what I would do without your love and support. Bless you all..Peace and Love steve

[Hidden]

Hi Steve

I'm sorry you are feeling so low.

You have ha such a stressful time. I sure your daughter wouldn't mind if you reached out to her. She would want to know about what you are going through? You would do the same for her as her dad. I hear from your post you feel isolated. I feel like that allot of the time, but you have all of us on here who are here to support you. I know what you mean about thinking you have turned the corner and things will be alright. It gives us hope and then we get knocked down again. This has happened to me so many times in my life and it is very hard to keep bouncing back. But you will bounce back. I believe that things will come good for yo Steve. It is really hard I know to keep going but we are all behind you. Xxxx

[shadow45]

Angel. You really are sweet... What a lovely post.. Thank you... :)...

[Hidden]

Hi Steve,

Sorry you are in such a state of despair. These knock backs are meant to make us stronger, but as anxiety suffers that doesn't always seem the case.

It to have been on my own for over 20 years, but I have a strong family unit and fortunately lots of friends, who share the same hobbies.

I never wanted to be on my own, when my marriage of 16 years went wrong, but I did it, and am proud that I now live happily on my own.

Have you any hobbies, or any clubs you can go to?

I am sure your daughter would love to help you.

Sending you a big hug.

Eunice xx

[claire4042]

I am curious to know how you are doing now. It was almost like you were writing about me and my life, minus a few details. Hope you are ok. If you respond to this we can find away to connect. Take care.

[tablerock2005]

Yes, I do understand. I'm 61 and almost in the same situation. I cry a lot and can't seem to get anything accomplished. I'm scared and my mind just can't take any more heartaches. I feel the sameway about having someone hold my hand. We just can't give up!

[Felicitas in reply to tablerock2005]

I'm 25 and I feel the same ... xxx

[Ashmary]

Hi steve! How are you feeling now.