All alone

Recently had to move home from uni because my anxiety and depression has become really bad. My fiance and I have sort of split up, we are technically on a break but my gut says its over. I really love her and don't what it to end but i cant change the way she feels. My best friend is also away on university placement in Egypt for 7 months so my contact with her is limited. I don't really have any other friends at uni, not that i talk to anyway.

I have no friends in Birmingham, where i am now. Don't know how to make any, my anxiety really stops me doing so much and i don't know what to do anymore :(

Im just so alone.

6 Replies

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  • Hello. First thing - you are not alone :-) This group is full of people who feel the same way you do. So there is a lot of understanding and support available here for you.

    It would not be surprising if you are also feeling a bit depressed at the moment in addition to the anxiety - the ending of a relationship will always be hard to cope with especially if you are not the one who wants to end it. It is a blow to the self-esteem, and if you have no close friends or family immediately available then it can feel like you are alone.

    Are there no groups around you that you find interesting - universities always have lots of groups to join. Then there is the internet to consider - there are so many forums and groups you can get involved with, anxiety wont hold you back on the internet at least.

    Having had my fair share of heart breaks in my life I know how hard it is to recover from it - but it helps if you can find something to focus your attention on especially if you are living alone.

    The fact that you are at university and coping,indicates that you have the anxiety under some control at least. So maybe you could try pushing a bit further in terms of exploring joining some group that interests you. If you cant then fair enough. Might be easier to deal with people at arms length for a while through the internet.

    Anyway those are just some thoughts :-) I hope you feel better soon

    Karl

  • Sorry to hear that you feel alone - no one should ever feel like that.

    I remember Uni being a stressful time for me when I was a student and it was hard to see my friends and partner for long periods of time and it caused a few riffs.

    I just remember thinking "I'm not going to get through this" but I did and you will too.

    Have you spoken to your fiancée about how you feel?

    This for me was the hardest thing I ever had to do as I am generally a positive bubbly person and admitting I had a problem was strange to me.

    I am undergoing a stress awareness course and my partner comes with me and I think he understands a little of what I am going through and although he struggles as he does not feel the same, he tries to as he knows I am not like him.

    Is any of this making sense? I do ramble on quite a bit!

    I would say that I have never really struggled with meeting new people - I am the kind of person who can go into a room full of people and talk to anyone.

    It was not always the way but over time I have come to realise that If I want to speak to someone I am best speaking first as I imagine everyone is shy and would feel better being spoken to first.

    You will meet new friends - just try to engage with a few people and see where it takes you.

    Your friend in Egypt will be back in no time and just think of all the stories she will tell you of her travels - very exciting!

    I would say just go for it - talk to new people - don't let anxiety stop you from being happy.

    I have (and still am in some respects) struggling to cope with my anxiety but I know that I have to go out of my comfort zone and try to gain a little control from time to time.

    Hope this is helping in some way and that I don't come across as a babbler......even though I am! :)

  • Thank you both for your replies. I'm constantly looking for groups and things i can get involved with. Made a few esquires but its the actually turning up thing that i suck at. Hopefully once i can push myself to do a few things then it will get easier.

    Doing my best to speak to people online now aswell, always felt it quite awkward but am giving it ago as i know there is tons of support. The problem with uni is im at Cumbria Uni whilst living in Bham, i commute up twice a week for my lessons. Couldn't carry on living there as i was hitting rock bottom.

    Me and fiance have spoken quite a bit and its at the stage of she says she needs some time apart and would like contact to be limited for a while. I totally understand but its hard not having her to talk to. She also lives in suffolk so its a long distance thing whilst im at uni. All i hope at the moment is that we can stay friends, the break up as kinda been mutual, i knew there was a problem but i miss her terribly.

  • Hi. I had to do the same. I had to leave university a few times because the anxiety and depression got really bad. I didn't have anyone to talk to and I could barely speak up; the social anxiety was just tremendous.

    But then one day I stumbled across this site. I found that the people on here are extremely supportive and understanding. Most everybody has been in your situation of felt like you have at one point or another so we all understand. You will not be alone on here :)

  • I am the same as you I don't speak to people. I have got one friend and that's all. I haven't got any confidence.

  • bluebella83 as Susan Jeffers book title suggests "feel the fear and do it anyway".

    I think it will be a good read for you if you ever get the chance. :)

    I sometimes struggle talking to people but I figure I'd rather be in conversation with someone than sit in an awkward silence.

    I was once sat in the waiting room of my counselors office and I just made a comment to the 3 other people in the room that it was quiet and all of a sudden we all ended up in a conversation about summer holidays and where we had all been.

    My therapist walked in and looked shocked as we were all laughing and chatting away.

    He then told me it was unusual to see that as normally people are more subdued.

    I guess the point I'm making is that we are all the same in a way - even the most confident person gets nervous and anxious but it is just having the confidence to say something and once you have that, you will find your anxiety fading into the background! :)

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