Depersonalization/anxiety

Just looking for some support today. I have had anxiety disorder since I was 18 years old (28 now) and it has come and gone in waves. After a crazy amount of life changes a year ago I had my first episode of DP (but I always worry that maybe I'm having something else because it's hard to explain and I freak out that I may not be explaining it right). Today I woke up and immediately felt almost numb. Pressure in my head and that feeling of detachment like I'm looking at everything through a video recorder lens. I cannot relax into this feeling. I am trying sooooo hard to accept it and not add more fear but this is the hardest thing I have ever done because it's the scariest feeling I've ever experienced. It's almost like someone slipped a strong drug into my drink or something. When I have it I feel so lost and terribly afraid. I feel like I can't connect. Like I'm detached. Numb. Like my senses are dulled or almost like I'm located deeper inside my skin so it doesn't feel "right " when I touch things. I can still feel everything just in a Dulles way. I feel almost floaty and out of it. Swirly headed? Idk. It's almost impossible to explain. I know what's going on the whole time and don't lose my sense of mental awareness or anything like that. Have any of you had these feelings and been in a spot where you are just paralyzed by fear over it? I have a normal life. I'm happily married with a 3 month old baby. I'm a registered nurse. I just can't understand why I struggle with anxiety and now this DP. I feel lost 😢

I have tried antidepressants and hey make me worse. I have tried several with the same effect. Anxiety goes through the roof!

I know i just have to accept and keep on going. I'm just looking for support right now :(

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9 Replies

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  • I can related 5,000 percent. You are actually explaining it very well. I feel like I am drunk without alcohol. My brain was in a fog, everything feels and seem unreal including this weird feeling that comes over you that makes you think you are in a dream, the dim light send me into thinking I'm dreaming (which I know I am not) I wasn't able to go outside because the lights ate the store freak me out. If I don't calm myself down I will go into panic and tunnel vision which made the detachment worse. I couldn't get out of bed for around 2 weeks. Feel free to go over my post starting with the first ones I ever posted. I was a hot mess. I am still not cured but I had some good days. What helped? People here giving me so much hope. Take everyone's advice. Force yourself to do exactly the same thing you use to do before this hell. Add more things like introducing healthy brain food, vitamins, magnesium is helping me a lot, yoga, meditation, exercise, read, go outside, force yourself to do everything, aroma therapy, camomile and lavender tea, and people say that accepting that is anxiety and nothing else helps but that I am having a hard time doing. Seek help. I go to a phycologist and psichriatrist. One gave me Zoloft which only help with the weird life thoughts. I was only on that for 6 weeks. Now I am on amitriptyline 10mg which is nothing and not helping with that issue. I pretty much just go day by day with the ignore power. Message me if you want to talk.

  • Thank you SO much for replying. No one I know personally has any idea what the heck I'm talking about. It's so isolating and scary when you can't relate to anyone! Forget all of the other anxiety symptoms like heart palpitations and stuff. Those feel like nothing to me after this DP stuff. I just feel so out of control. I feel like I'm never going to be able to control my anxiety. Like, I have this wonderful newborn baby who is amazing but I'm not sleeping more than a few hours at a time... im constantly tending to him (and I'm not complaining because I'm so grateful and happy for him) but I'm so tired from already having anxiety. I just feel like I can't get on top of anything and I hate it. I've been feeling the waves of DP creep back in the last few days and I hate that it's almost like a black cloud that I know is about to pour down on me all the time. It finally hit full force today for a few hours. I haven't had where some people say they feel it 24/7 for months or years but I go through times where I'll feel it several times a day (usually while driving or in a store like target/ Walmart). I absolutely hate it. It sometimes feels unbearable for me.... like I get so work down that I literally think "omg I can't handle it this time". If I get it while I'm out I have these thoughts like I'm not going to be able to make it out of the store or I won't be able to control my limbs... lol saying that out loud seems so crazy. On top of it I have to go back to my nursing job. Nursing is stressful. I'm already struggling. Im sorry that you struggle but I'm so glad people can come together on here so we don't all feel alone out there. Rant over.

  • Hi there. I have gone threw that before too. I'm 29 and first experienced it when I was about 19. Most recently experienced it again a few months ago. Just know that it will pass and you are not alone. Feel free to message me.

  • I get this, too. You have done a good job describing it, Heather. But I must not have it as bad as you do, because I can keep going and talking as needed to patients and push it (the DP, the weirdness) aside. At some point I seem to be re-entering Normality and that's fine with me! I'm only in the weirdness for a few hours and then I re-enter the "city of Normality" again. Maybe not totally but I'm on my way back and soon will be completely immersed back into the world of normal perception. For that I'm grateful. I haven't had a lot of this but I can understand where you're coming from. I wish I had an answer to help you with. If I do think of anything helpful, anything at all, I'll get back to you and make a suggestion. And if you want to try something out with me, contact me and see if I can help. You just never know.

  • Thanks! Yeah I can function as usual I just feel terrible. No one would know I was having it if I didn't say anything. It's 100% subjective. I just freak out and usually end up stopping what I'm doing because I get so upset. Thank you for your reply! It helps to know others get these things too

  • I function too while crumbeling in the inside and always checking for that feeling and so concern about my surroundings. It's just a nightmare.

  • Hello Heather

    This time last year I was in the same situation as you .

    Kept feeling frightened , didn't know why !

    That feeling kept coming and going forcmany months .Dreaded each day and didn't know if I would get through it .

    Also had strange sensations in my teeth , no one knew why , was told nerve issues , stress , anxiety ..

    A year down the road and I feel stronger , better ..

    Symptoms come and go but the gaps are getting bigger and I do have normality returning ..

    I know exactly how you feel ..it is horrid ..

    I never thought my life would ever return to any form of normality but by fighting the fear and anxiety I'm in a much better place now ...life is getting better

    It takes time .

    Be strong , patient and don't give in to anxiety .

    Recognise the feelings but don't let it fear you .Anxiety feeds on anxiety .The more you fear it the worse it gets .

    It is nervous energy in your body .If you except and don't fear it the anxiety will get less and less ..

    Hang in there and don't let it ruin your life .Your not alone xxxxxx

  • You are right my friend the more you think of anxiety the worse it becomes.

  • Sometimes I feel like if I research what's going on with me, I have a better understanding and therefore I tend to be less stressed. I don't know if it would help you or not, but you might be able learn a way to cope with the problem you are having. Anxiety attacks are no fun. I have been there. I hope you are able to get some resolution. Take care.

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