Not good.

[Richy626]

Hey all posted numerous times on here in the past and once again find myself in a horrible place.

While suffering from anxiety when panic disorder started onwards, I could never figure out what's triggering my anxiety.

I had a panic attack 2 years ago, used to have health anxiety from then on, until I realised it's anxiety that was causing all my head and neck tension, soon after that good realisation, I had a second panic attack last year in June, and then had them daily.

This panic attack happened while looking up at a ride at a theme park, I became afraid every time I'd look up I'd have another panic attack, which is what happened.

Eventually I obviously realised that how you feel comes from your thoughts, and you can probably guess what's coming next, though I didn't think it possible, I became afraid of even thinking, incase thinking would set off anxiety and result in a panic attack, at first it was negative thoughts, eventually I thought Oh maybe thinking even at all puts stress/pressure on your brain, bam even thinking anything caused physical anxiety, and then I became afraid about it attaching to my imagination, so that became part of it too.

By the time this started, I was on ssri medication, I also went through a phase on that where I didn't feel like I was in reality, so then I became afraid I was stuck in a dream or something, which eventually made me scared to think anything even something random like "I'm a coke can" incase I'd believe it.

So my anxiety manifested it's differently on the medication, or though the panic attacks stopped, I began experiencing raindrop feelings on skin, involuntary body jerks, muscle spasms, cobweb round head feelings tinnitus and now and again horrible low metallic humming noises when it gets vicious, this is while I'm breathing steadily and calmly also.

I came off the medication some time ago now, months back in fact, but the situation I'm now left with is terrible, my symptoms now are most of the above and random very painful stinging sensations.

Basically every time either something comes to mind or I think something in my head, just a little thought something simple like "it's time to get out the bath now." even a positive thought like "things are going alright today" immediately the physical response is INTENSE now.

Like when I first woke up today I thought a couple of normal things and BAM nasty stinging sensation in my back, left arm bicep starts spasming hard, then the side of my torso goes boom.

My 3 main questions are this.

1) Has it become engrained in my mind that thinking is a threat, if so how am I supposed to stop these physical reactions from happening.

2) and this is the BIG one, what the frickin hell am I actually afraid of that's causing these physical sensations to happen when I know there's nothing wrong with me health wise and accepted that a long time ago!

3) Has the medication changed my brain chemistry in such a way this is how anxiety will manifest itself physically in me from now on? Rather then the familiar butterfly's, head and neck tension and heart palpitations I used to have.

I still haven't reviewed any proper therapy through the NHS, so no therapist has been able to give me an answer, I'm suffering these feelings 24/7 pretty much, as any and all things set them off and I can't seem to stop it!

[Agora1]

Hi Richy626, having come off medication myself, I do know that it takes time for the brain to heal and readjust to having no meds. Everyone is different in that it could take weeks, months and some a year or so. It doesn't mean anything is wrong and I'm not sure there is much we can do about the annoying symptoms. I understand that they are different from what we were use to expecting with anxiety. Just know that it will go away at it's own time. I feel that anxiety will never leave us completely but we will be in a better position to accept it and not fear it. I hope you get to see a therapist who can better explain what you are going through. Although my psychiatrist never would admit that medication caused anything. I learned this through experience and a support group. Take care Richy, hope things get better for you.

[Richy626 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, but any ideas on what I'm actually afraid of?

[Agora1 in reply to Richy626]

I don't Richy626. Sorry...

[Jeff1943]

Richy626, I read your post, a blow by blow account of what you've been experiencing recently. I think maybe you are a victim of too much introspection, too much self examination, too much testing yourself to seehow you are today. I think all this introspection is producing stress, tension and fear - and that's the last thing your over sensitive nervous system needs right now.

What your over wrought nerves need is a rest from all the fear you're bombarding them with, a chance to recover. But your worry and fear are only serving to feed your over sensitised nerves so they can go on inflicting bad feelings, strange thoughts and panic attacks on you.

Why not do the opposite and let your poor old nervous system chill out and recover, because only when it does will you begin to recover and escape from the nightmare created by frazzled nerves?

So I suggest and assert that instead of constantly checking how you feel and reacting fearfully to all the symptoms your nerves send your way you should stop fighting, loosen up and simply Accept them for the time being.

You know by now that all these symptoms aren't physical or organic illness they are merely glitches in your nervous system and although they feel real enough they are in fact fakes, frauds - and toothless paper tigers. Toothless because they can't really hurt you, can't kill you, can't harm your body and can't send you crazy. Sensitised nerves don't have the power to do that and that's why they are really imposters.

So I say again Richy, simply Accept these symptoms when they come and practice Accepting them with the minimum of fear and the maximum of calm that you can muster. The symptoms will still make you feel bad for a while but with practice you will soon lose your fear of them - why be bullied and intimidated by a mere blip in your nervous system?

If you can frame your mind to Accept these old enemies (but it must be true Acceptance not just ' putting up with') and then carry on with doing all the things you normally do then eventually your nerves are restored to their normal and pacific state - and when that great day dawns you too will be restored to the quiet mind and the toothless tigers will trouble you no more.

Why not do it Richy, you've nothing to lose but your panic attacks?

[Richy626 in reply to Jeff1943]

I do thank you for your reply, as always you are great with what you say, but here's the weak link in the chain for me, I don't know how to accept them?

Imagine how frustrating it would be to have your nervous system produce vicious physical reactions every single time you think something anything at all, how do I accept that? It's no way to live to suffer every time you think, so far the best I can manage if at all is "put up with."

When I try to relax and be positive about it, particularly on a bad day like today, and get on with things like normal, it still brings me down.

I haven't had a panic attack in months, now it's just constant unpredictable spasms, pains, jerks and pins n needles.

Admittedly I did introspect to begin with, but that was with the goal to figure out what I was afraid of and overcome to stop physical sensations, but it's only made it worse and given me more and more questions.

[Jeff1943]

Nobody said it was a five minute fix, Richy, Acceptance is simple but nobody said easy. It will come with practice, maybe you will only be able to 'glimpse' acceptance for a few seconds, for a few minutes to begin with. I promise you that you can do it, when the bad feelings come just let the muscles of your body and mind go limp, feel every part of your whole body relaxing.

You haven't really tried it yet, Richy, there is no magic wand solution, only the slow advance into Acceptance. You are that rock on the shore, the waves break over and around you just like the bad feelings come, again and again, but despite the crash and hiss you survive.

Come on now, my friend, you haven't really tried to accept all the bad feelings that come your way, you can't be beaten by a few nervous blips, you're made of stronger stuff than that. Believe me.