READY TO CALL IT QUITS

[LexiJaye23]

Hello support family...I am have been completely out of the loop lately trying to keep myself busy and focus less on the hell I am living in right now. I am so tired of being sick and tired guys. I feel like am taking all the right steps in the right direction and absolutely nothing has changed for the better. I have been following a better lifestyle, working on losing weight, decreasing my cigarette intake, taking my meds, and have stopped drinking sodas. I have lost 13 lbs thus far (293 lbs) still a long way to go but I can't even be happy about that because of the ongoing struggles I have. Continued shortness of breath, chest and arm tightness, sleepless nights, muscle aches, neck pains, chest pains, and the list goes on and on. I had my echocardiogram and the first thing the tech says is "oh you are too young to be in here for this. this had got to be anxiety". I understand that i am 29 but gosh these symptoms are REAL to me. I feel them daily and they significantly stunt my quality of life. After my test was concluded, the tech stated that my examination looked great but the cardiologist would give me an official reading. I am still waiting and going crazy at the same time. I had a nightmare last night and my heart raced for several mins I knew it was the end smh. I really just don't think I am strong enough for this battle. I am so afraid for my daughter not having a good mother to raise her. I know there are people who have overcome this my mother being one of them but I guess I am not going to be the warrior that she is. I am just ready to give up smh.

[robynnicholson]

Hi Lexijaye23, You should be very proud of the accomplishments you have reached !! I think you are being way too hard on yourself. Anxiety is a monster, but you CAN overcome it, mainly by accepting it. I know this is very hard. I have seen every specialist known to man ..lol..all saying the same thing,,anxiety.. which took me a very long time to accept.My symptoms were endless - difficulty breathing, chest pains, rib pain, headaches, insomnia, off balance feeling, dizziness....now when I get any weird feelings or thoughts I just tell myself " whatever, its just anxiety" and get on with my day. You ARE as strong as your mother Sometimes were are just too impatient for results...I believe in you , and I am sure everyone else on here does too.......Love Robyn

[LexiJaye23 in reply to robynnicholson]

Thank you for your encouraging words Robyn. They truly touched me. I so desperately desire to have the life that I once had...filled with confidence, joy, and a promising future. I just hate being in this pit of confusion and worry that I seem to keep sliding back down to the bottom after clawing so hard to reach at least midway. I guess I will never reach the top with this attitude though. Gosh I try so hard to be positive...then these negative nancys of anxiety and fear keep getting the best of me. You are absolutely right....I cannot give up. If there was one thing that I can take and run with in regards to this is just anxiety what a great day that will be!!! I'm going to keep telling myself that one day I will find the answer.

[Hidden]

Lexijaye, just know that you don't struggle alone. I have all these symptoms day in and day out. It's no fun. I have an echo scheduled for Wednesday and I'm sure they'll say the same thing. Don't get me wrong, I want them to tell me nothing is wrong! That way I can once and for all focus on this anxiety. But I know what you mean about it feeling so real. I have 3 children that need me to be a functioning human being again. Don't give up! Your daughter needs you! Keep fighting the good fight.

[LexiJaye23 in reply to Hidden]

It is so refreshing to know that I am not alone Hdelmari. I totally understand when you say you want them to tell you nothing wrong but do you ever feel aggravated when they tell you are normal yet the many symptoms you have tell you otherwise? I must admit I am relieved for a minute or two when I hear that my tests are normal until one of these ugly feelings come back and the worry begins all over again. Ugh I just wish we had on/off switches to put these horrible condition away for good. Thank you for your kind words and your support. I pray that we beat this thing together! Just as you said, these babies need their mothers!

[Hidden in reply to LexiJaye23]

Are you in therapy? I've been in therapy for like a month and a half and it's starting to help. The trick is accepting these feeling and knowing that they can't harm you. You seem to be on the right track with the lifestyle changes you've made. Keep it up!