Feel so alone with anxiety right now...

[miasouth4]

Today, as I was at highschool, i began to have an anxiety attack. Right in front of everyone. My 4 friends were there though, and brought me to a place to get away from everyone. I just started crying, and crying, and crying. I felt like this yesterday. Skip forward a few hours, I'm going home, and the whole drive home I was constantly yelled at by my own mother about how mental i sound and that "if it was normal anxiety i would get it." There were so many other things, and each comment broke my heart, and just when i thought i couldnt cry anymore, I locked myself in my room and i cried harder than yesterday and this morning put together. See i would not let her speak to me about my own disorder and how it works, but I can never speak up to her because she'd only come back harder. I've never felt so alone, like no one understands, like i cant get help, like a failure. She's allowed to have her bad days and cry about them, but when it's me with an actual disorder, it's my fault and im the bad person. She complains that i never speak up about things, and I don't see how she doesn't know why. If i spoke up, im only afraid that I will be lectured with hurtful things about myself just like she does, and i dont want to hear it. I dont understand how she wants me to "get my sh*t together" if she's only making it worse.

[Agora1]

miasouth4, dear, sometimes the meanest remarks come from family members just because they feel helpless in not knowing what to do or say. I know it isn't right in kicking someone when they are already down. I'm glad your friends at school were sensitive enough to bring you to a safety place where you could let out your fears.

It's never the right time to discuss what it's like for you when having an anxiety attack but maybe it might help if you and your mom had a quiet lunch somewhere one day. During that time, you can express your fears as well as letting her know you need support and comfort with your anxiety.

Don't make it argumentative but talk in a calm rational manner. Maybe you and she can have a talk with your doctor who can better explain the physical trauma you go through when having an anxiety attack.

I hope this evening is a calmer time for you. Remember, we are always hear to listen and understand when you feel alone. Take care dear. x

[BonnieSue]

It's true you have an anxiety problem but why aren't you getting it treated with a medicine? So many people do get it treated that way and get that help rather than go through panic attacks so much. They aren't something you want to keep happening to you. Will your mom allow you to get a medicine? You'll be "getting your sh*t together" much faster with a drug to help you.

AND...do you have a counselor? Someone to guide you through the process of how to reduce and head off panic attacks? You could use that help, too. How can you "get your sh*t together" without a professional instructor trained in this? How will you know all of the telltale signals to look for and the things to head off trouble before it's too late? Are you expected to just know this stuff?

I hope you're getting all of the help you need to conquer these panic attacks because you deserve them. Your mom seems clueless and not trying very hard to find a single clue. I'm sorry about that and I wish I could change that.

[miasouth4 in reply to BonnieSue]

Yes, due to my anxiety attack today the school insisted i see their counsellor as of next week. i don’t have medicine, and have yet to see a doctor. I don’t know when but i really hope its soon

[BonnieSue in reply to miasouth4]

What can you do to see that an appointment is made very soon? I doubt your mother wants to make it for you or to get you there. She might be more cooperative if she's going herself. Don't let her come with you is my best guess about your mother's coming because I think God's telling me she would dominate your time with the counselor.

[miasouth4 in reply to BonnieSue]

My friend told me she was willing to take me with her mother anytime, so I might take up the offer

[BonnieSue in reply to miasouth4]

Good idea! Who would pay? How would it get paid?

Sorry about the mix-up in the last message, I fixed it now.

[miasouth4 in reply to BonnieSue]

I would pay, I'd do anything. I'm just desperate at this stage

[BonnieSue in reply to miasouth4]

Hey, as long as the counselor gets paid she/he will work. And you do need one. Sounds good! Maybe you can work out a lower fee since it's you paying.

[miasouth4 in reply to BonnieSue]

perhaps. Thanks for your help

[BonnieSue in reply to miasouth4]

You're welcome. Anytime!