why do i cry for nothing and feel so alone?

[qwerty0]

i could be happy and laugh at anything then when i come home i will just go to my room and cry for nothing and i feel like just pulling my hair out and i carnt sleep propperly either. i havnt got any friends but iv got a loverly boyfriend who trys to keep me happy when i cry i frount of him, my life is fine but i carnt cope for some reason. iv tryed to run away a few times but police keep bringing me back. i carnt explain how i feel when someone asks if im okay so i dont talk to anyone about it, my boyfriend said he is going to take me to a doctor or somthing but i carnt talk about how i feel

[Mandy26]

Hi Qwerty. You sound very depressed. I too have gone through these feelings. I still do now. I will come home and cry my eyes out and I have no idea why. I just feel so down and worthless sometimes. I too don't have many friends, but have a lovely boyfriend who I love dearly. And the support he gives me makes me so thankful I have him.

Do you work? And if so do you enjoy work? Do you have hobbies? what kind of thoughts do you have when you come home and feel like this?

x

[qwerty0 in reply to Mandy26]

i go to college and everythigs fine, i used to get bullied but its been sorted out, iv got mo hobbies my boyfriend has horses and i help with them which is good but thats about it, i like doing tans and my hair and stuff but it always gets took off me its sounds prethetic but when i bottle of tan gets took off me ill start shaking and crying, im really happy that its not only me like this thankyou for a reply x

[Mandy26 in reply to qwerty0]

How come your bottles of tan get taken off you? do you do beauty and hair at college? It sounds like you have a lot of interest in that.

I think it's really hard to get yourself out of these states sometimes, because you don't even know why you get into them half the time! If you find that you feel like this quite often perhaps a trip to the doctors isn't such a bad idea. I first went when I was suffering from anxiety and feeling down and I opened my mouth to speak and just burst out crying. I could barely speak I was so hysterical, but they were very supportive.

It's great that you have such a supportive bf. I would just say concentrate on the things that make you happy, your time at college, your other half. It sounds like you have a lot to be happy about (I know it's easier said than done)

[qwerty0 in reply to Mandy26]

iv been doing my tans since i was in school about 4 years and cause i sometimes put too much on an get patchy my dad doesnt want me using them soon as he sees them they get thrown out, i have to save up and as soon as i get it it goes in the bin and at college i do painting and decorating but i carnt do it and i dont want to do it im ettin told what to do, what to wear and cause im shy ill just get pushed about by everyone, and i would like to go to the doctors but i wouldnt know what to say, i tryed to talk to my dad about it last night and i couldnt i just wante to go to bed and cry x

[Hidden]

Hey you are not alone, you have found this site and there will be so many people who can relate to how you are feeling. You dont have to feel like this there are people who can help you. Your boyfriend sounds supportive, could you go with him to the doctor? I know it's hard but your doctor can put you in touch with someone trained to listen and help you to talk about and make sense of why you feel like this. Keep talking hun xx

[qwerty0]

eve39, i carnt talk when someones infrount of me i dont know were to start i carnt explain how i feel and im scared incase they think im a drama queen or somthing. it sounds daft ano but i carnt talk about how i feel, its okay when im typing cause i carnt see peoples reactions and stuff xx

[Mandy26 in reply to qwerty0]

I know it's easy to sit and say but I wouldn't worry about talking infront of a doctor. they have seen so many people in so many states, that is what they are there for. You would never be treated strangely because of how you feel.

I know what you mean about feeling bottled up, I'm not one to talk about my feelings as I don't like to think I am weak or a failure, but once I got infront of the doctor I couldn't shut up Lol. It was like somebody had turned a tap on. All doctors are different but they will all try and help in their own way. x

[qwerty0 in reply to Mandy26]

my sisters told me to see a doctor aswell, she said my dad wouldnt listen cause of my mam and stuff, so she just took a overdose and tryed to kill her self, because it didnt work she slit her wrists open, my dad didnt listen cause he didnt want to hear about my mam again cause my mam was like this aswell but she got sectiond in the mentle health ward, and i havnt saw her for 7 years, im scared incase it happends to me i dont know what to do x

[Mandy26 in reply to qwerty0]

It sounds like your Dad has been through a lot and is maybe trying to ignore the horrible things that are happening in the hope that things get better. I'm sure he doesn't mean to seem unsupportive and in his way he thinks he is looking after you.

It sounds like you have also gone through a lot. Regarding your bottles of tan, that must be hard, especially when you are working hard to buy them. but I think your Dad will think he is looking after you, and maybe he wants you to be comfortable in your own skin if that makes sense? Everyone is different and enjoys different things, there is nothing wrong with using fake tan, some people don't see the point in it which is maybe what your Dad thinks. I personally have never used fake tan (I am very very pale too! I used to always have the micky taken out of me) but have learned to live with it and I embrace it. Do you feel more comfortable having your tan on?

that is very sad about your Mam. but you sound like a very strong person and coming onto this site and talking like you are is a huge step. You are saying all the right things and if you were to see a doctor, these are the kinds of things you should say. The other thing to remember is, if you do go to see a doctor, and are uncomfortable, you don't have to go back until you are happy to. It sounds like there is a lot going on around you so perhaps to speak to somebody outside of your home is a good idea? And continue to talk on here also? this site has helped me a lot.

You should do what makes you happy. Perhaps look at another college course that you really want to do and do it for you? If you enjoy hair and beauty maybe look into a college course on that?

xx

[qwerty0 in reply to Mandy26]

i feel alot more confident in fake tan and with my hair done and that, i would like to see a doctor because i know its not healthy to be like this i dont know what doctor to see tho and thankyou for helping me xx

[Hidden in reply to qwerty0]

Hi I know it's really hard to talk face to face. I went into my docs, burst into tears, had a panic and then handed Doc a piece of paper with my thoughts on. could you try writing down how you are feeling or asking your boyfriend/sister to go in initially? There wasn't much support when I was younger but there's so much out there now please dont be scared of asking for help I wish I had done it years ago and my doc said "why have you been struggling for so many years", they will support you. Remember you are strong to have come this far. Keep talking big hugs xx

[worrymagic2013]

Maybe you can call a telephone based counselling service. (Does anyone here know of one?) Phone based counselling means you wouldn't have to look someone in the eye while you're talking about difficult things. Just a thought.

Also - it is the doctor/nurse's job to help you feel comfortable when you're talking about symptoms. And if you get in there and find you can't speak... this will tell them plenty as well They don't just listen to your words, they will be observing your manner and any physical signs.. like finding it very hard to talk about it all.

I hope that makes sense but as others have said, there are people who can support you, and I think asking your bf to go with you to the docs sounds like a good idea. Maybe he can help you write down what's happening and take that in with you too.

[qwerty0 in reply to worrymagic2013]

thankyou for your help xx

[Kaz12345]

Worrymagic, anxiety uk offer telephone counselling services. You do have to pay, but it is based on your income.

[qwerty0 in reply to Kaz12345]

i dont know what my income is as im only young, i dont want to talk to anyone cause i dont feel like i can xxx

[bonkerswoman]

Hi there, Qwerty. You must see the Doc, love. I think the writing down what you need to say to the Doc is a really good idea.

Please don't worry about being like your mum. I used to worry about being like mine because she was very depressed too, but now I know that I don't have to be like her in any way that I don't want to. I've wasted so much time worrying and it does no good.

I'm sticking my nose in here and I risk you telling me to go take a running jump off a short pier, but do you have dyslexia? If you have, it would explain a lot about your depression and you could be helped. I'm not meaning to be pushy, but I used to be a special needs teacher and my son has some problems in this area, so I have become quite good at spotting it. If I'm out of line, just ignore me and put me down as a batty old woman. If you think there might be a possibility of Dyslexia, go and see your doctor because it can help. honest.

I think you need a professional to talk to. Your doctor could get you someone - I've had it and it was a fantastic help. Don't put it off. Get that lovely fella of yours to go with you and make that doctor earn his/her huge salary! We have to keep them busy! Bless you, Sweetie, I hope your situation improves.xxxxxx