Hi everyone.
My hubby has mood swings and when he's angry, feeling depressed, or annoyed with someone or if someone upsets him he gives me the silent treatment. Sometimes he won't talk to me a 1-2 days.
My phone stopped working after he put in a new SIM card, and he felt frustrated that he couldn't get the help from the phone company he needed, so he stopped talking to me. I know I did nothing wrong or said nothing wrong to him. This effects my children too and stresses them and me out. I'm not well due to have an operation to remove endo. I have been ill since 2009. My hubby has given me so many silent treatment since I've been ill, and this time it really got to me. So I decided to give him a taste of what he does to me and how I feel. I always feel like he has broken my heart and he once he's gotten over his silent treatment with me he'll act as if nothing happened. That leaves me feeling like I can't talk to him anymore about anything. I'm scared of talking to him. I always forgive him but it hurts so much.
Because I didn't reply back to him this morning quickly as I had food in my mouth, he just walked away and is moody all over again and not talking to me. I tried talking to him but he replies back rudely to me.
I just don't know what to do😢
Was I in the wrong to give him a taste of the silent treatment? Should I apologise to him and carry on pretending that this doesn't hurt me?
Sweety.
Hello
Well I know one thing is I would not put up with been treated in this way and it would make my anxiety go up if someone was !
He is acting like a spoilt child , if he has issues of his own causing this I do not know but it is totally unacceptable
I do not think you are wrong giving him so of his own medicine back and neither do I think you should jump and ask how high when he seems to be demanding you do
Everyone is different and know one can tell you what to do as this is your marriage but for me I would be telling him that either he listens and changes start or it is over , but as I say that is just me this might not be the way for you to go only you know that
We can never change anyone else and how they act they have to do that all we can change though is us and how we react
We can be hear to listen but somehow you have to decide where you want to go with this and people will try & support you
Remember though you are worthy of been treated with respect and deserve no less
Take Care x
Hi lulu-1,
Thank you for replying to me.
My hubby works nights, he can only manage 3 nights as he finds it hard. I understand working nights if hard. But he has changed a lot. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around him most of the time. We have some good days but even then I'm still scared of saying something that might upset him. The only times that I can think of when he is in a good mood is having sex. Sometimes his good mood will last a few days but then he's goes back to not talking to me. My kids are fed up as well. They say he's acting like a child. Or he's on his periods.
I think I love him still, but, I don't know. I'm always there for him no matter what, but I've noticed lately he's not there for me, he won't say encouraging things. My anxiety and stress levels are always high around him, but when he's at work I'm fine, I feel like I can breathe again and my kids they play fight and laugh.
It's difficult to think what to do.
Sweety.
When my son was about 3/4 he had a reward chart. He got stars for good behaviour and bananas for bad behaviour. Following what can only be described as a tantrum by my husband (a plate of food was upturned on the kitchen floor) my son chipped up "how come Daddy doesn't get a banana for that?" "Good question I said". Next day I bought a second reward chart for Daddy with a massive banana on it. For the next 2-3 days I awarded Daddy stars and bananas. It got over two points; that his behaviour was child like and that his bad behaviour was frequent. His behaviour did improve after that.
Hi FXP_OK,
Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated it. That's a very good idea and I think I might steal your idea if it's alright with you?
Not sure if it would work on my hubby but I'm willing to try anything.
Sweety.
Well perhaps you could apply the principle by just keeping a diary of the event's that bother you and then show it to him after a week or two. For me what I wanted to demonstrate was how often he was unreasonable. I don't think he realised.
I do keep a daily diary of how my day went, how I felt, how my pains and stress levels were and i always write down how my hubby was with me. I've never shown him my diary as I know he won't read it and mostly it's my only time I can vent out.
Sweety.
Reading back through what Lulu was saying, I think she's right in saying you need to decide whether you're going to tolerate his mood swings. Maybe you should get a highlighter pen and highlight all the entries about him and make him read them. It's hard to know the best tactic without knowing him but the main point is to stop putting up with it. Stand up for yourself. Make yourself heard. Another thing I did with my husband was to video his tantrums on my phone and then play them back to him later. Might be a bit tricky to record a whole 3 day silence though! Perhaps the diary option is better!
Yeah you're right, I should highlight the entry about him and show it to him. Sometimes I get the feeling from him that only he has the right to be angry and not me. When he knows I'm angry he'll say forget about it now, what's done is done, or no need to get angry and then he will laugh at me.
I'm becoming scared to talk to him about anything even when he's in a good mood, my anxietyand depression has become so bad lately that I hide it so well from that he doesn'tknow. Only my children do.
Sweety.
hi im sorry ur going tbrough such a hard time,its the worst thing being ignored i would hate that must make an uncomfortable atmosphere esp- when u have children they would know somethings not right and would just add to ur pain u need to seat him down and tell him how its effecting u and how much it hurts u his being out of order and i dont think ur in the wrong at all! Maybe u should both get relate counciling its better then just keeping silent coz u cant go on like this but there is hope for all if u and ur a mum like me and ur strong so u will be ok take care and good luck let me know how it all goesxx
Hi,
My hubby knows how his mood effects me and says he will try to be better but it never lasts. Maybe a few hours or a few days. It's becoming hard to talk to him and make him see things my another point of view. I have asked him lets go counselling and he says no we will sort it out. 2 of my children are suffering with depression due to all the stress at home. Hubby says he will change but I'm not holding my breath.
How are you doing?
Sweety.
hope u got my message
Hi, yes I got your message and replied back.