Fed up of getting the silent treatment from hubby😔

Hi everyone.

My hubby has mood swings and when he's angry, feeling depressed, or annoyed with someone or if someone upsets him he gives me the silent treatment. Sometimes he won't talk to me a 1-2 days.

My phone stopped working after he put in a new SIM card, and he felt frustrated that he couldn't get the help from the phone company he needed, so he stopped talking to me. I know I did nothing wrong or said nothing wrong to him. This effects my children too and stresses them and me out. I'm not well due to have an operation to remove endo. I have been ill since 2009. My hubby has given me so many silent treatment since I've been ill, and this time it really got to me. So I decided to give him a taste of what he does to me and how I feel. I always feel like he has broken my heart and he once he's gotten over his silent treatment with me he'll act as if nothing happened. That leaves me feeling like I can't talk to him anymore about anything. I'm scared of talking to him. I always forgive him but it hurts so much.

Because I didn't reply back to him this morning quickly as I had food in my mouth, he just walked away and is moody all over again and not talking to me. I tried talking to him but he replies back rudely to me.

I just don't know what to do😢

Was I in the wrong to give him a taste of the silent treatment? Should I apologise to him and carry on pretending that this doesn't hurt me?

Sweety.

54 Replies

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lulu-1

2 years ago

Hello

Well I know one thing is I would not put up with been treated in this way and it would make my anxiety go up if someone was !

He is acting like a spoilt child , if he has issues of his own causing this I do not know but it is totally unacceptable

I do not think you are wrong giving him so of his own medicine back and neither do I think you should jump and ask how high when he seems to be demanding you do

Everyone is different and know one can tell you what to do as this is your marriage but for me I would be telling him that either he listens and changes start or it is over , but as I say that is just me this might not be the way for you to go only you know that

We can never change anyone else and how they act they have to do that all we can change though is us and how we react

We can be hear to listen but somehow you have to decide where you want to go with this and people will try & support you

Remember though you are worthy of been treated with respect and deserve no less

Take Care x

Sweetyassi

in reply to lulu-1

Hi lulu-1,

Thank you for replying to me.

My hubby works nights, he can only manage 3 nights as he finds it hard. I understand working nights if hard. But he has changed a lot. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around him most of the time. We have some good days but even then I'm still scared of saying something that might upset him. The only times that I can think of when he is in a good mood is having sex. Sometimes his good mood will last a few days but then he's goes back to not talking to me. My kids are fed up as well. They say he's acting like a child. Or he's on his periods.

I think I love him still, but, I don't know. I'm always there for him no matter what, but I've noticed lately he's not there for me, he won't say encouraging things. My anxiety and stress levels are always high around him, but when he's at work I'm fine, I feel like I can breathe again and my kids they play fight and laugh.

It's difficult to think what to do.

FXP_OK

in reply to Sweetyassi

It sounds to me like you've brought up some lovely caring kids there. I have to say that perhaps they are right. Sounds like you need some head space. A college age child can not only get themselves up and fed but are even capable of helping their younger siblings do the same. How old are they? You have to think about the effect on them too. It probably upsets them to see you upset. Not only will they not resent you taking a bit of time out for yourself but they'll respect you for it. I feel such a deep empathy for your situation because I was there too. My son is only 9. He needs his mum and dad there. We now live as a family but we're not a couple. I know I couldn't cope on my own because of my own issues so I've stayed; but it's very much on my terms now. It works much better for me knowing I no longer feel like a door mat. He can no longer get away with treating me like a 2nd class citizen. My son is my focus and my husband knows that. He also couldn't cope on his own. I'm not saying it's ideal but everyone gets what they need and it beats constantly arguing about our "relationship". That's done but our family is still together for my son's sake.

Lx91

Hi.

He obviously has some kind of problems going on but I'm not sure what they are but he shouldn't be taking it out on you, definitely not to this extent anyway.

Maybe give him an ultimatum that if he doesn't go to the docs or counselling on his own or together (whichever you think would help best) then you're gonna hafta think about leaving him? Try and give him the shock he may need.

Do you not have anywhere you could stay, friends or family, even if just for a few nights to give him time to see what he's got and that he should appreciate it?

I left my husband last year because he started to become really angry and we just weren't talking to each other it was like living with a stranger even tho I still loved him. I told him that I still loved him and the exact reasons I had to leave and also left a letter to remind him. We were seperated for 3 months but still stayed in contact and it was the best thing I ever did. He was totally shocked that I would actually leave him and not just carry on putting up with his crap and he has become a totally different person, the person I fell in love with years ago. He is the most fantastic, supportive husband I could wish for and the time apart made us realise how much we loved each other and also showed me that I needed to change. (It was easier for us than you as we don't have children).

If it is an option it could work and be the best thing you do but you do need to be willing to risk it knowing it could back fire and he might not change or might not wanna make it work so you need to know if you think you could actually be seperated for good if it came to that, if not then it may not be an option for you.

Hope I may have been of some help.

L x

Being scared of him makes it even more serious that you need to get out, that's the worst way to feel I really hope you do go to your parents for a bit. How do your kids feel about it I saw above they are pretty much adults now, this must be effecting them and they're old enough to understand, do they have any problems with him or any input? I really feel for you because it sounds so similar to my relationship but I didn't have children to worry about. You've said about the illness you have, I don't expect you to say what it is but I was wondering if you're gonna be 'fixed' after the op? If so it will be much easier after. I know exactly where you're coming from saying you don't know if you love him, relationships kinda suck sometimes!!! If you ever wanna msg me you can, I'm sure there is a way to private chat... even if it's just for a chat as it seems like we've been in a similar siuation.