I haven't posted in while. So hello all. First I wanted to ask am I the only one who keeps their good news or positive news to themselves because they fear if they say something or tell someone about it it will bring them bad luck? I have always been like this. I think is is not a good way to live but I've always been like this. I don't like telling what I have going on, good plans, good news because subconsciously I feel I will jinx(bad luck) myself and something bad will follow. And not only have I been this way but even now as I'm working on breaking bad habits and practicing change, it seems so hard to change because I fear what could happen. So on to why I'm here today. I've been contemplating and pondering so hard on sharing the news about my updates on my anxiety and how things have been going for me out of fear that if I tell it I will bring myself bad luck and something bad may began to happen again.
But here goes. Well for the last two months I can really say my anxiety has come around. All the reading, and tips, and knowledge I've gained. Also reading post from you all here like Agora1 and Beevee mostly there post have really uplifted me and helped me along with me continuously praying and my boyfriend motivation, and just making myself knowledgeable of anxiety things have really gotten better.
Yes yes I still have my days because I'm still in my beginning stages of recovery. But I can truly say I have just as much good days as bad now. And that's much better than what I was going through just 3 months ago. So I will list what I mean.
I started in july having bad anxiety. Symptoms such as: chills, fever bouts, head sensation, wierd brain sensations(thought was a tumor), tingling in fingers, feets, burning sensation in legs sometines, dizziness, unbalance, blurred vision, dots floating in vision, derealization, insomnia, upset stomach, nausea, acid reflux, ibs, and these where all from anxiety symptoms not to mention when I'd have mild panic attacks.
Well after finally fighting through it I'd say mid October is when things finally took a turn for the better for me. Took things one day at a time. First targeting me working on my appetite that I lost completely. Finally gained that back. Then I practiced acceptance. What did it for me was that final doctors appointment at the kidney specialist (which was a scare that helped bring on my anxiety) which turned out to be fine. No kidney problems. Had two kidney specialist give me a verdict before I finally let that go and believe them. Then I had one more gp appointment for a pap smear that all came back great. In fact the gp said I had an excellent results as far as my blood work, colesterol, no std. Yaay. So after that which was in early November I than began to finally start accepting that this could all be anxiety. Once I did that I literally felt week by week myslef began to calm down from the worries and fears that's kept my anxiety high which kept the symptoms coming constantly.
I even finally started back work. Just a few days here and there. But I started back. Mainly though because I knew Christmas was around the corner and I needed to get at least a few extra dollars to give my kids a decent Christmas. But yes I still had my days even going back to work. Subconsciously wondering and worried and thinking the worst but I made it through day, which helped me even more to conquer my anxiety because it made me realize if I'm still standing regardless of my symptoms then I'm gonna be ok.
So I'd say by late November I began to feel myself be me again. I'm still not 100 percent yet but I'm almost there. I can continue writing but I don't want to be long winded. Feel free to ask questions. But I can really say for those having doubts and fears about this anxiety, thinking of death constantly, can't eat, can't sleep, thinking the worst, I've been there, crying constantly I mean literally crying every single day, if I can come around you can to. But let me repeat I'm not 100 percent yet but I notice a big difference and I did it with only ta king medication for exactly 37 days and I quit because I felt it was making my anxiety worse. But basically without any meds. But I know I still have a long way to go. I still have my worries, and fears some times especially when my symptoms come on I start question it but I just let it be. I let my thoughts run and keep it moving, well most of the time I keep it moving. Some days I do sit around and let it consume me but its not as bad as it used to be because I've practices convincing myslef that it's only anxiety. You've made it the his far you will be ok just let it pass.
So to all of you on here I know how majority of you feel. I wish us the best througg this. Anxiety is a devil. I know. But we got to fight the good fight. 😌 Feel free to ask questions.
Oh and even right now I'm having a not so good day that I'm having my thoughts and worry a little but I will keep going about my day.