The thought of an insomniac

Well here goes. Yall are about to find out just how bad this insomnia and anxiety and stress plays on my mind. So I was trying to rationalize with myself because I'm having such a terrible time trying to sleep so I was saying,"ok think about this. You so afraid to sleep because you think you gonna die. The syptoms of panic makes you feel like it. Ok but think about this. All thsee days have come and gone of you thinking like this and yet you are still here. If you were actually dying or ill as this anxiety makes you think you are you would have been dead by now. You've been able to sleep with no problems before so why now. If it was meant for you to die you would die rather you are asleep of even if you are awake." So ok, I was thinking like this to help myslef. But then here goes my irrational thoughts that bring me right back. I than began to think, "well people who are sick with cancer, brain tumors, or whatever illness I have pretty much diagnosed myslef with they do die in there sleep. Most sick people usually go like this. No one ever really dies when they are awake which is why I fight to stay up so much." So now I'm back in this vicious cycle of thoughts that's once again keeping me from relaxing and trying to sleep. 😒😒😒😭😭 I can't believe I've gotten this bad. I want sleep but I'm so afraid out of my mind. And every time I get those adrenaline rushes when I try to relax and sleep it scares me thinking my breath is about to be taking away. Oh dear God. Please forgive me for becoming this bad off.

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  • And I'm constantly crying and crying because my life is a mess mentally. I'm not the same and I want to feel normal again for my kids 😒😒😒

  • know just how you feel.

  • How are you today

  • Today is better but I'm still anticipating any moment that I may start feeling like how I did last night. Every little syptoms that come and go keep me on edge and I can't relax because I feel like it's gonna come on strong.

  • Hi Icanbreath. Let the anxiety come on strong if it wants. It might feel Crappy but it is completely harmless, just excessive adrenalin pumping through your body. If you try to stop it coming or worry about it coming, it will definitely come because you are giving your anxiety the fuel it needs to keep going. Release that tight grip you have on yourself and let all the symptoms wash over you. Recovery lies on the other side, you just need to go through the storm repeatedly to find peace of mind and body. It will happen eventually, it is a process which takes a bit of time but nature is waiting to heal you in the same way it heals a broken leg, for example.

  • What you've said is a very calming advise and I will try to embrace that in helping myslef. 😒 it's just so easy said than done. But as I know, this is a process and it may take some time. And I'm willing to use your advice as I get through this. I thank you and your recent post says it all. I will reread it and try my best to take your advice

  • I recovered through self help and strongly urge you to read Essential Help For Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. A website set up by Paul David called Anxiety No More was also very helpful and reinforces Dr Weekes' teachings but at a more practical level which you may be able to relate to better. There is a forum with lots of advice from people who have recovered or on the road to recovery and it's all free (no hard sell or any other commercial purpose apart from the two books he has published which I would also recommend).

    The basic principle is to gain a understanding of what causes the anxiety and what it does to the mind and body. Once you know this, it takes away a lot of the fear which is keeping you in the anxiety loop and the first step to developing a new attitude towards the anxiety which puts you on the path to a peaceful mind and body. At the moment anxiety is creating lots of "what ifs." This needs to be replaced by "so what." and mean it. Learn to be comfortable about feeling uncomfortable. It's the same thing. Hope this helps you. Best wishes Beevee

  • Beevee, I believe totally in what you are saying. It is imperative to know what causes your anxiety and the impact it puts on your mind and body. I like that idea of learning to be comfortable while feeling uncomfortable. Like anything else, it's the understanding of what is happening to us that takes the fear and mystery out of our symptoms. My best to you.

  • Yes he makes a ton of sense

  • So well said. I'm going to that website asap. And thank you so much

  • I was like that today my neck is tight and it comes for no reason . Try too relax you will be ok

  • Yes I hope tonight will be a better night and I get some halfway decent sleep

  • Don't wish to be rude but what does it matter if you don't get a good nights sleep? You will feel tired tomorrow. That is all. Don't try and force yourself to sleep as it won't work. When your body is ready to rest, you will sleep. Also forget the myth about needing 7 or 8 hours. That is bollocks. As I said earlier, it is the trying that gets sufferers nowhere. Do the opposite and don't give a damn if the anxiety is there or not. Takes time to develop the attitude but you WILL get there and all the while you are practicing this new attitude, it will get easier, bit by bit but not necessarily see steady progress. Recovery is very much an up and down affair but with your new attitude you learn to cope with the setbacks which are part of the recovery process. In setback, You may feel like you've gone back to square one but that could not be further from the truth. The more severe a setback, the more progress you have made 😊😊😊

  • Keep moving forward and keep the faith. Don't strive for recovery. Let recovery come to you. Once you have learned the way to recover, you will no longer fear anxiety. The prize is yours!

  • I do get what you are saying. It's just the part of conditioning my mind to not care if anxiety will come or not. Especially when I'm such a worry rat about every little feeling. But your advice will stay on my mind through this whole thing because I believe it. And I've also found that website and am reviewing it now. 😊

  • You only worry about those feelings because of memory of previous suffering and possibly habit. Remove the fear through knowledge and understanding (all part of the change in attitude) and recovery will follow as nature Intends. πŸ˜€

  • When I said about the causes of anxiety, I mean it in the sense that the part of your nervous system that controls your mood, fight/flight reponse has become sensitised through stress or stresses. Dr Weekes described it as the trigger of a gun. Healthy nerves were like a rusty old trigger which made it hard to fire off the nerves but a person with anxiety is like a gun with a well oiled trigger that fires off the anxiety with the slightest squeeze. This means you feel overly anxious about things or situations that you would never have given a second thought when you were feeling well. The more you dwell on the matter, the more susceptible you become to bouts of depletion (Depression) but that is entirely understandable when you think of the body as a battery which is running flat (depleted) because of the constant anxiety. However, batteries can be recharged using the same recovery principle by not concerning yourself about feeling depressed. In time, your mood will lift.

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