I think my anxiety is winning.

[plushiesaremyjam]

I think my anxiety is taking over me lately. I feel like its swallowing me up from the inside out. I had a panic attack about a week ago and it was my first full blown one in a long time. About 2 months ago I left my boyfriend of 4 years because I just couldn't handle the stress he gave me anymore. It was absolute bull and he was so toxic. We were also a long distance couple with barely any communication. He wasn't the stereotypical toxic boyfriend. He wasnt mean to me. He never made fun of me or my anxiety. He just didn't talk to me very much, and when we did talk it was just him complaining about his family. His parents were awful to me but he never actually went to bat for me. He never stopped them from being unfair to me until I started crying and ran away. We never got to see each other except for once a year at a convention and even then it was awful. His family is a mess and so is he. Telling me he would change and telling me how he was gonna do this this and this trying to win me back. Aka guilt tripping into coming back to him. But this time I can't do it. I know if I go back it'll be exactly the way it was before. I do not want that. So I told him we could still be friends and I usually do not talk to him. Last time I looked at his instagram was when I had my panic attack. I was so scared I was breaking him to the point he would kill himself. Or hurt himself or something. He did not but it still scares me. So now I have muted him on my instagram and I do not talk to him in chat over facebook. He still likes to guilt trip me when we talk. It scares me.

My body is tired, I am tired. I want my anxiety to get better but it seems like it is only getting worse. I do not drive yet. But I want to so I can go out in life and be a normal human. Does anyone have any advice for helping me with my anxiety? How to handle it? I do not have another therapy apt until next week. Also I am trying to treat my anxiety without medicine. Naturally and stuff. I have Generalized anxiety disorder which I was diagnosed with when I was 17. I am 18 now

[Titan4757]

Hi Plush. I applaud you for not going the drugs route at such a young age. I've beat GAD without them this year. Long distance relationships hardly ever workout and sounds like you made the right call. You're only 17 and will go through many more break ups before finding someone who is right for you and vice versa. Relationships should be exciting and bring you happiness. Learn from the experience what you want from a guy and don't be quick to jump into another relationship until you get your anxiety under control. I found that my anxiety was telling me it was time for change. I'm a different person now after experiencing GAD and panic. I changed what I eat, quit smoking and lost weight. It can be a quick process but you have to truly believe you're healthy mentally and physically. As far as help I had one on one skype sessions with Dennis Simsek, "The Anxiety Guy." He has youtube videos, podcasts, FB and more and has gone through health anxiety himself. The only other thing I can recommend is to take daily walks and become more visual. Use your senses and look around, smell, touch. Go out with friends and family no matter how terrible you feel or how much you're worrying about having a panic attack in public. Each time you do this you're breaking down the walls of anxiety and you slowly start associating those experiences as happy and positive. Eventually you will start to forget about anxiety. It may be for an hour at first but you will realize it and think to yourself, "I didn't think about my anxiety for the past hour!" Visualize yourself healthy a few months from now and traveling back in time to see you now. What would your future self say to the present self? What advice would you give? Map out some career or life goal for the next year or so and decide what you want to do in life. Where would you like to travel to? Keep working it out and it will go away.

[plushiesaremyjam in reply to Titan4757]

Even my fear of going crazy?

[Titan4757 in reply to plushiesaremyjam]

Yes. You're not going crazy. You're a normal, functioning human being. You're actually way more than that and you're definitely more than anxiety. You may feel you're going crazy because you can't seem to figure out why you feel this way and it's messing up your sleep and thoughts. I had a month span of barely sleeping because I thought I had heart problems and was scared if I fell asleep I wouldn't wake up. Cardiologist proved this wrong and I still didn't believe him. When you don't enough rest you're life and mind aren't working correctly. When you start to catch up on quality sleep you will feel so much better mentally and physically. So no, you're not going crazy. You're transitioning out of anxiety and it takes time. Take some time to love yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. Many people love you and you have so much to share with the world. I suggest you take some time to write down positive things about yourself and what you're grateful for. Force yourself to smile even when you feel awful. You will win this fight!

[plushiesaremyjam in reply to Titan4757]

And by crazy I mean schizophrenic. Like that’s what my anxiety tells me on a daily basis “you are schizophrenic you are crazy” I have never even been diagnosed as schizophrenic but my anxiety tells me I am cause I see stuff out of the corner of my eyes and regardless of what my doctors tell me (GP and therapist) my anxiety still tells me I am crazy

[Titan4757 in reply to plushiesaremyjam]

I doubt it. I've never met you but I bet you're not getting any sleep. Read about studies done on people who don't get sleep. It's amazing how our body reacts to this and the symptoms of not sleeping. You're perfectly normal. Just work on healing your mind and get some sleep.

[Yvonne1970 in reply to plushiesaremyjam]

Let me start off by saying that it is completely normal to doubt our sanity just as Titan said, sleep deprivation is no joke, and when you combine that with our panic ridden fight or flight mind set our bodies don't know if the are coming or going. I will say this if someone can go natural without meds that's great, but personally I find nothing more sad than someone fighting a loosing battle. If it gets to be too much and you know in your heart that you have tried everything, give your body and mind a chance and let a doc do his part, you don't have to battle this every second disease without medicine, this is called a disease for a reason.

[Jeff1943 in reply to plushiesaremyjam]

Plush, anxiety is a liar, it whispers in our ear and makes us believe we have all sorts of serious illnesses when we have nothing of the kind. And anxiety is a smooth talker, it even makes you disbelieve the diagnosis of doctors and medical tests and trained therapists.

If you were crazy or schizo those two health professionals would have noticed it.

You are suffering from anxiety and your nerves are very edgy, just keep a sense of proportion and take the advice of your doc and therapist and put this crazy/schizo idea right out of your head because it's a lie.