Anxiety taking over?

[emilymcs96]

Hiya everyone, this is my first time properly talking about this in depth so I'm sorry if it's long or I waffle too much. I am 20 years old, and 4 months ago I started to feel quite anxious the reason was mainly because of my boyfriend (who I have been going with the past 2 years and love). I started overthinking really loads and being aware of other people around me finishing, and too me it felt like everyone started to break up with their boyfriends etc. I really understand how pathetic this is and I feel silly telling people, but this feeling had gotten to a point were I couldn't sleep I was shaking and uncontrollably crying. I felt like I HAD to break up with my boyfriend but the thought of it left a burning feeling in my chest. So I made an emergency appointment the next morning and my doctor diagnosed me with anxiety (I already have Alopecia and Anemia, and he mentioned something about lack of blood in my brain could be something to do with it I don't know). But I got tablets and started to get better, but I talked about it to my friend the other day and it brought back my anxiety again. I constantly overthink EVERYTHING, if me and my boyfriend are having a good time and laughing etc. I immediately think "well what if I am forcing myself to have a good time with him", if I don't feel like staying at his a night I think "what if this is me pushing him away". I have touched on the subject lightly but no one understands, my boyfriend is amazing and he is there for me but I feel like he doesn't listen but maybe because I make a joke of the subject? I feel so lonely or something and no one feels the same and I'm afraid it will get worse. I know deep down I love my boyfriend but feel like there's another voice in my head arguing back at my own voice. Can someone please tell me they understand and feel the same I just want someone to clarify that everything will be ok, I do want to be with him but feel that voice is messing me up. I apologise greatly for the length, but this is a brief description still. Thank you for anyone that gets this far lol! X

[Justneedpeace]

Its called relationship ocd.

I had a major breakdown caused by some health issues and I had the same experience as you.

Its like ur brain knows that you care about that person so it makes you question in.

BUT IT IS JUST ANXIETY!!

You have to get your body to calm down and your mind will follow.

[emilymcs96 in reply to Justneedpeace]

This comforts me so much knowing that someone else has experienced this. I would sit, cry and get myself so worked up about it but everyone would screw up their face because they didn't understand.

Thank you so much for getting back to me, didn't think anyone would take the time to read it all. I really appreciate it!!

[Justneedpeace in reply to emilymcs96]

If it wasn't your relationship it would be something else, is what my point is.

[emilymcs96 in reply to Justneedpeace]

The doctor asked me to same, but I really couldn't answer what the other thing could be. I would be a massive worrier and stress about the tiniest things?

[Justneedpeace]

Not to scare you, but I have been dealing with this issue for the last two years now. And this also happened to me with my last relationship where I woke up one day questioning if I loved him.

I don't know if it is anxiety or intuition some days.

Its been really rough but it is something I am trying to fight to try to get better.

[emilymcs96]

I really can't imagine myself without him though it terrifies me

[Agora1 in reply to emilymcs96]

Hi emilymcs96, what you are experiencing is something all young people (20 going on 21) go through in their first serious love relationship. For a guy, it can be fleeting, for a young woman, it's more intense more forever. After a while, forever starts to sound like a long time (which it is) and the inner voice starts questioning if you are truly in love or just don't want to be alone or you don't feel complete w/o him.

The anxiety you feel right now is because you want a guarantee with your feelings and there are none. That "up in the air" feeling of doubt or maybe insecurity w/o him brings on the adrenaline big time. The "what ifs" play into these feelings you are having. As we get older and learn more about ourselves and what we want in life, the doubts and anxiety go away. Loving someone should not bring up any doubts about that person or anything different you wish he had. It is totally accepting him for what he is and what you have to bring to the relationship. No doubts, no fears.

My suggestion at this time, since your boyfriend is so amazing, is to step back for a moment and enjoy what you have together. Whether for a day or forever, it it's real, he will not think you are trying to push him away in anything you do. He will respect your thoughts and wishes and you will respect his.

Work on becoming your own woman which will help you grow into a person that is not threatening, not smothering. Anxiety has no place in any relationship. Enjoy your time together with no doubt. If it's meant to be, it will happen with or without your anxiety. Wishing you well x

[emilymcs96 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for taking your time to help me out! I haven't replied to any messages because I was so scared of people saying negative things and stuff I don't want to hear. There was so much comfort reading this, I feel like there is a really negative voice in my head that's really making me worry even when I'm fine? It's really bothering me but I'm working on blocking it out.

My boyfriend can't understand how I'm feeling but he's totally working with it, I know he'd always be there if I ever needed to talk and always cheers me up.

I'm kind of starting to think that this is coming about because this time last year I was kept busy as I was a student, and now I have taken a year out and it's been a year since I got my bar in (nexplanon or something like that) and maybe this is playing on my hormones?

What I'm trying to get at is maybe I've nothing else to be thinking about in my spare time so I'm focusing it all on one of the more important things that I have that I could potentially losing?

[Jeff1943]

You love this guy, he treats you right, so why consider breaking up with him? But always remember you are not half of a couple, you are a whole person in your own right. You may still be together when you're both 90 but if you or he change your mind life goes on, plenty more fish in the sea. Reciprocated romantic love is a wonderful feeling but in time you could have exactly the same feeling for another. Romantic love is something nature does to us to bind us together for creating and rearing children. All I'm saying is don't frighten yourself half to death about your relationship ending specially as there is no logical reason why it should.

Anxiety magnifies all our normal fears ten fold and you appear to have anxiety disorder. So the slight fear everybody has in a relationship that the other person will leave them is in your case magnified 10 times. That's what I think this is all about.

Just accept these strange feelings for the moment but don't attach too much importance to them, in fact don't attach any importance to the at all. Just enjoy your time together, the bad feelings will pasd in time so long as you don't obsess about them. Don't let them drive him away and leave you regreting it.