Today would have been my late friend Scott's 34th birthday. He tragically took his own life July 26th, 2014 after a very painful battle with advanced arthritis, childhood sexual trauma and Bi-polar disorder. Throughout the years and since his death, I have been afraid that my struggles with anxiety and depression would end up as bad as his and that i would succumb to the same fate. During my dark days i fear that one day the next crappy day i have will be the straw that breaks the camels back.
In truth, Scott has given me so much and it is that which i draw upon today. He was the person that told me i had depression and that i needed to see my doctor and get help. That act has initiated a long process of healing and help that perhaps i wouldn't have gotten had he not advised me and maybe i am here now because he saw something in me that i just couldn't at the time. Each day because of Scott i know i want to live even when my mind doesn't. I take my medications, do counselling when needed and any other technique to try conquer my demons because i choose life. Each day i wake with the optimism that today is going to be a good day and i pray to whatever is out there and to my friends and family to give me the strength to get through the tough days.
He drove me to collect each of my cats that i have now who are the most amazing two fluffy beings a person could wish for even though he had a bad allergy to them and i don't know where i would be without them.
I am here because of him and i am thankful.
Happy Birthday Scott xx