What a day. It sucked.
Anyone else ever have panic so bad there’s face and head pressure? I had it so bad today that my eyesight blurred. I hate that. It freaks me out.
I got random crying bursts at my desk and my legs randomly shook.. it was weird.
So yeah.. I did the gym, cool.
Then I left and got that random wave of depression. It sucked. Totally confusing. It has to be withdrawals.
I called my boyfriend crying and felt bad because I kept him up. It turned into an argument over his roommate because she has been so friggen rude to me.
Long story short, I spent the last month at my boyfriend’s when I took time off work. He got a new roommate after me being there (it’s his house) but she continually asked me how long I’m staying. She looked concerned and annoyed. It was weird and I didn’t tell him about it.
It got to the point where she started (what I saw as) flirting with my boyfriend. He’d do something nice for me and she’d say, “I expect the same treatment on my birthday hehe.” She asked him to cut her hair after she says she cuts her hair herself. She ignores me. She saw us holding hands and she said, “That’s disgusting.” She constantly asks him to invite her out on our date nights. She cries hysterically when she sees us cuddling (..yeah). He took me out to the beach and she passive aggressively told him there’s sand everywhere and asked me to put on slippers.. in his house. Then the icing: she asked me “you are leaving soon, right?” via text. My boyfriend thought this was super rude but seems to not think anything of the other stuff. I trust him obviously but if I’m totally honest, I came back to NYC because of this. I felt so unwelcomed after that. It sucked. And when I had my panic today and mood swings, I really realized I resent her.
I don’t think I was ready to come back but who would be? I’m really trying to stay positive but it’s hard.
So anyway, we had an argument today. He wanted to talk to her after that text but I didn’t want to start anything. So he didn’t. But I guess part of me wished he would because I would neeeever let someone do that to him. So I brought it up. It’s honestly so awkward that she probably likes him but I don’t know what to do.
The first time she cried, she had her door open so I went to see if she was ok and brought her food. I helped her move in and lifted sooo many bags so I just feel like I was taken advantage of. Ugh
I also get that it’s probably weird for her to have me there. But it’s different because it’s my boyfriend’s house and she rents the room, not the whole place..
I’m just stressed. My family is so over me talking about hypochondria, Zoloft, and only wants to talk about good things. I get it. But it’s lonely. My sister swore at me today when she was drinking and it triggered panic. Now I’m afraid I pushed my boyfriend away by bringing this up again but it got brought up because it wasn’t handled.. and it wasn’t handled because I told him not to. Ugh
Also, his roommate made a comment about my best friend for no reason (his sister). She said she should never have kids.. and it really upset me. I just feel like she says messed up crap and doesn’t have boundaries. Then it pissed me off when she was nice to her face.
Soooo what should I do? My mood swings have been so up and down during this withdrawal that I’m afraid I’ll snap at her. Ugh