I miss the old me.

As I sit here at 10 pm wondering what went so wrong in my life. I used to be happy and free. Spending all my time outside doing things and enjoying the sunshine. Going on walks and taking everything in. Reading a book outside in the morning.. Waking up and actually being happy that I had the full day ahead of me. Its like I lost it all. Its way past anxiety now and its way out of my reach. I try and be happy. I try and get up and enjoy the day and its almost impossible. I would do anything to just have myself back. I really would. I live in fear and it doesn't matter what I do nothing will take the fear away from me. I don't even try and stop it anymore. I just let the feelings come on. I am tired of living the life i do and I am tired of missing the old me.

[sunnyg]

I get it. I know. Tell us if you have seen a doctor and what, if any, meds or therapy you are on. Have you had your iron, thryoid, vitamins and minerals checked. Your old self is there. Demand it come back to you.

[Hidden in reply to sunnyg]

I am on Klonopin for anxiety. Take a pill twice a day. I am going to talk to someone next week already have the appt and also have an appt with my regular doctor to try and get this figured out cause Klonopin is only short term use. I have a hard time eating through out the day cause my nerves are bad. I hate leaving my house that's the point I have reached. Here and there I do but its very hard for me to because I start to get this sick feeling. It truly sucks. I have a lot of muscle tension and muscle spasms in my back and in my chest. And it literally scares the heck out of me. It is honestly so hard. I wish I could just wake up and feel myself and have these problems go away.

[smjtty]

i have the same problem read my poems under smitty

[Evelynarnold]

I live in fear to!! So I know the feeling! Horrid and you feel like your going mad. I put on a face but inside im alone and scared. I'm truely sorry, and wish I could give you some good advice. At least on here we can share and vent our feelings and everyone understands and there is no judgement. Your truely in my thoughts. Big hug to you. Talking it through does help. Sending biessings my friend.

[Satsuma]

Hidden I, too, struggle every single day. Day in and day out is not much fun. Human actions are to blame for my despair and including my physical disability. How they can be so cruel is unbelievable. Hurt and decievement. The damage is done. The old me has died. What i am left with is miserable and sad and struggles through everyday.

[Hidden]

Can you remember when this all began - what was the event that actually triggered the dramatic change from feeling free and happy - was it a death, an accident, some physical trauma, accident or relationship problem? Or maybe none of those - sometimes it can be childbirth, or sudden change of circumstances like moving house or jobs - or an episode of bullying or loss of feeling safe ?

[Stay_strong85]

The new, awesome you is right around the corner. Believe it! 😚

[Hidden]

Sounds like you've got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder you mention all the symptoms I was having before I realised what it was - there's one treatment EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization Reactivation (I think the last word is but not certain) I think it did shift something - but I also had Body Psychotherapy - a bodywork devised and developed by Welhelm Reich and Gerda Boyesen as a means of drawing out and unloading trauma that becomes lodged in the muscle and body tissue due to childhood traumas often too frightening to divulge or just to unsafe to do so - My first experience of that treatment, the very first night I dreamt of my late father who'd died when I was about seven years old - I'd never dreamed of him before and he was a big and sporadically violent person - - besides it was also linked to being removed and relocated to South Africa of all places at just 3yrs old - a terrifying experience - from a white world to a black world just like that and finding myself introduced to a couple of strangers called 'mummy' and 'daddy' - With these kinds of treatments it's about taking the sting out of the experiences - and making sense of it - Alice Miller a world renowned author/psychotherapist with her book 'The Drama Of The Gifted Child' opened the prison gates for me (metaphorically speaking) Take care and be gentle with yourself - don't try pushing yourself too hard - it all takes time- x ((Hug))

[S9925831D]

Same. I miss the old me

[Hidden]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I haven't been on here much trying to stay away from the internet and the health problems because I put stuff in my head and then don't let it go all day.. I hope everyone has a very good day.. I will try and do the same. Every one is in my thoughts and I hope all of you get better

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Rissa, sometimes the more we know, the more we hear, adds to our anxiety. Do what you feel is best for you. You are the best judge of how your mind processes things you hear or read about. Meanwhile know we are always here for each other. Have a good day and feel better. x

[AlexaLee7811]

Hey Rissa, I am so so sorry to read this! I cannot imagine what you are going through at all. I was wondering if you ever considered going to therapy possibly and talking to someone? I do and it does help just to get an outside perspective and to in a sense bounce your thoughts on to someone who could give you a different perspective to what you are going through? Sometimes it is so hard to get up and to really think of all the good you have in life. It is so hard and you just let your mind rush and it overwhelms you. but just something to think about...anxiety is just a thought...it isn't a feeling...it is a thought that can affect your feelings. Just like thinking " oh my gosh someone close to me left me" it makes you feel sad. It is the thought that affects you. One thing to think about is this "I have one life to live, I am given this one life...I cannot let anxiety control this life for me and make me feel this way" I know it is SOOO hard to push yourself to do things when you feel this low but even just saying screw it I will do it whether anxiety likes it or not might be a huge step into working past it. Even yelling at anxiety like it was its own thing saying "F you anxiety you will not control me" can really let a lot of it go. It won't cure itself over night but if you are willing and ready to fight it I think that is something that can really help you is that strength to know you WILL be ok you CAN do this and you HAVE support behind you.

[AlexaLee7811]

Does this only happen at certain times of the year? Have you thought of therapy?? I am going to therapy and have off and on my entire life! I love talking about my issues and bouncing my ideas off of someone else who will listen and talk back becasue talking outloud I hear myself and I am like well that makes sense or that makes no sense at all . It helps clear my mind and yes my anxiety wil randomly come up hell it came up talking about my parents divorce which was over 10 years ago but it happened this time of year actually end of september early october and thats when my anxiety comes up and it especially comes up with relationships. Its good to pin point when anxiety comes up and if you had past issues around that time of year too. I also have been taking more vitamins this time of year like vitamin D and am getting so supplements to just calm my brain because I do NOT want medicine espeically when I get so happy during summer. If you ever need to talk know I am always here to listen it helps to bounce your thoughts off to someone else