overwhelmed and discouraged...

[Annielane]

I have been having a really hard time lately... I recently went to the doctor and he just kept saying how overweight I am and how I am lie super close to having diabetes and I know I'm not super skinny but I don't look in the mirror and think I'm huge. I don't like the way I look but I have this syndrome thing that causes me to lose weight but one of the ways to get better or keep it at bay is to lose weight but its contradictory because it causes my weight gain.. so now I am extra self conscience and I hate myself so much. I also feel like everyone hates me as well. when I try to talk to people, they look at me like I'm crazy and shouldn't be talking to them. am I that bad? I didn't think so. people are starting to notice the sadness... its weird though cause now I don't want them to know. don't want them to care. I just am out of it. I feel like am ugly loser and I have nothing. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless and helpless and I'm afraid to be back in the place I was earlier this year cause it was scary. I had never experienced such hurt and numbness and emptiness before then. I don't want to be there again. its hard to find the joy in this broken and fallen world... the badness feels so magnified through my eyes. The darkness Seeping into every crack and crevice of my life. Everything is so monotonous. I'm trapped in this spiral of unfortunate events and heart ache that I shouldn't be experiencing because I'm supposed to be perfect. A heart ache that cannot be explained because I have a good life. I'm luckier than so many. I just don't understand. I know anxiety and depression don't care about your situation; they can take over your life in an instance with no explanation or warning. One minute you're fine and the next you're not. It just sucks. I just want to feel sane. I want to feel hopeful and full of life again. I fear I'll never feel that way again. My mom says I'm the strongest in our family, and maybe that's true, but I'm exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can be strong. I can't handle all this. I don't want to handle all this. I want to hide in my bed and never come out. ugh.

[Dmott12985]

I wish I had an answer for you but I just can tell you that you're not alone. My family tells me the same thing " you're the strongest person we know" but in reality I'm not... Not even close. I spend most of my days wondering how other ppl can be so "normal"

[Annielane in reply to Dmott12985]

it really sucks...

[Stay_strong85 in reply to Dmott12985]

Same here.

[Stay_strong85]

Don't hate yourself. You are beautiful and perfectly made. You are unique, and one of a kind. Things will get better.

[Annielane in reply to Stay_strong85]

thank you. that means a lot to me. Fingers crossed that you're right.

[Stay_strong85 in reply to Annielane]

No need to cross your fingers, it is true. You just need to believe it. 😚It is true.