Need to get it off my chest

[scoobyd]

Hi all not been on here for ages but I just need a sympathetic ear im sorry to go on but my son is 29 an alcoholic hes been in prison twice ive had to move because of him getting involved with the wrong people .to cut a long story he came out 3 weeks ago got into a load of trouble with dangerous people now hes back in prison on protection wing cos hes ripped really bad people off im so scared and sick of it I feel sick just need to get it off my chest im heart broken he never learn what do I do they will kill him ? Ive washed my hands of him but feel so guilty

[consciousx]

I am so sorry to hear this 😟. I get you. Sometimes I just need to get something off my chest but don't want to bother anyone. I eventually just lock myself in my room and cry.

Your son and im guessing you too are older than me but hey you could still get advice from a teenager.

Whatever your son is going through you should be going through with him. Your his mother and its best to stay by his side. Thick and thin. Seems like your son has been in a lot of trouble lately. I don't blame your for being so stressed and worried...and guilty. :/

Look at it this way. You raised him the best way you can and you set him free like a bird to live his own life. He is making his own choices and you have nothing to do with it. You were and still are a great mother.

I am sure your son loves you dearly and you love him too. Try to have a talk with him and let all of your feelings out. Tell him how you feel. But he IS an adult now and kind of harder to control him. If you are religious pray for him and ask God to give you and him the strength to go through this. Im sure your son is not a bad person at all and is just one of those people who hang out at the wrong place and wrong time. And the wrong people. Therapy could also help too. Try to talk to him and ask him questions like, why do you do this? How does it make you feel? Have you tried to stop this? Have you had any doubts in your minds? Can I do anything to help? Yelling and pressuring aren't really good techniques.

Stop putting bad thoughts through your mind, like they will kill him or he will never learn. All it is, is faith. Tell yourself that one day past the dark gray clouds, there will be a rainbow and things will get better. I know, everyone says that. But 99.9% of the time it will. Even though it doesn't seem like it. Your son will eventually learn and get our of this stage.

I will be keeping you and your son in my mind and will hope that things will change.

[consciousx in reply to consciousx]

Oh and no matter what, tell him that you love him and hug him everytime you get the chance. Always helps.

[Wired]

Hi Scoobyd. Wow, that is a lot to deal with and such a tough situation to be in. You didn't say whether you were his mother or father, so I'll address you as parent!

I couldn't imagine how I would feel, I have two sons of my own, if I were in your situation. It must be a heart wrenching time for you.

As far as the guilt goes, what are you feeling guilty for? Abandoning him? Has your son ever stopped to think what he has and is putting you through? I wonder if he feels guilty?! I know it sounds harsh and I'm sorry, but his actions are selfish. If he wants to get himself into trouble that's fine, but to bring trouble like that to you and put you in danger too, is wrong. By washing your hands of him you are disassociating yourself from the trouble that comes with him, that is of his doing and not yours. He is certainly old enough to know right from wrong.

From one parent to another, I'm sure if he cleaned up his act and came to you for help you'd be there in a heartbeat. That's the hard part: you can't do that for him. Whilst he is an alcoholic and choosing this lifestyle - what are you supposed to do?

I hope you are able to find some peace with yourself. Hugs.

[Hidden]

Do not feel guilty your son is a man making his own choices its his right to live the life he wants. You know you love him and he knows you do but what you need to do is try and take care of yourself and get strong then perhaps you will feel more able to cope with him. Give Al anon a call they are a wonderful support group for anyone who has a family member with alcohol problems they will support you during your rough time. While he is in prison he can get counselling for his addiction if he wants but only he can fix his life you can only fix yours.

Please give Al anon a call you need someone who will understand the complications you are dealing with.

Good luck

Jane

al-anonuk.org.uk/

Helpline 020 7403 0888

[scoobyd]

Thank im his mum and he knew what he was getting into he's done it before .he was clean in prison but soon as he got out he drank sold drugs so he put himself in danger .There's a time to stop and put myself 1st ive done everything I can to help him drug rehab .having him here time and time again .cant do it no more he puts us in danger too

[kitcat49]

Do not feel quilty,you can not control this person,sever all ties and walk away. Love the son you once knew,you can do no more,he's a grown man. Let life teach him what your love can not and he will never learn as long as you keep picking up the mess he makes. Let go !

[scoobyd]

Quick update .my son is in prison again for the 3rd time in as many weeks .hes really bad now because of the alcolism .no one helps at all or listens .prison is a waste of time he will come out and start again he always breaks his bail conditions .this time none of my family would take him in .we cant do it anymore until he helps himself .

[Redhots7]

Pray for strength and wisdom. Join Al a non , it is support group for loved ones of an alcoholic.