I've always been a worrier. It got so much worse at the moment when my parents passed away when I was just 17 yo. When something is out of control I panic so much that I can't function properly, I can;t breathe and start shaking. I don't sleep nor eat, I can't concentrate on anything else. I'm scared of socializing with people since I think that I'd do or say something stupid or embarassing. I'm a university student and exams make me beyond nervous. I never sleep the night before my exams. I don't have many friends and I don't date simply because I'm scared. Last time I had a relationship was 3 years ago and they were awful. However, this month has been the worst in my life. This time anxiety was triggered by a rather sad moment. I had a bad permanent eyebrow make up and now look extremely ugly with these two bloody thick black bastards on my face (at least that is what I think). I look like a fake. Most people don't notice it plus I cover my eyebrows with a fringe (that doesn't even suit me making me look 15) but I'm beyond anxious. I always thought I was pretty and was always getting compliments about my appearance. I thought I was beautiful. This month changed it all, I look at myself in the mirror and see the ugliest girl ever. I lost 3 kilos so far and weigh 47 now. I can't sleep without my sleeping pills (zopiclone). My friends and family don;t recognize me. I constantly think about what I look like and keep checking myself in the mirror every single minute. I started scratching and biting myself constantly regretting what I've done. I am trying to do something to distract myself from heavy thoughts but nothing seems to work. I know 5 languages, am a dancer, I can play the guitar but I am too obsessed with my appearance. I think that it'd be better to have some nasty scars than this fake eyebrows. I constantly worry about what people would think of me. I know that I shouldn't worry that much over some small things, what's done is done, I can't do anything but wait until it fades a little. But i just can't deal with it myself anymore. It's getting ridiculous and it's stealing my life. I'm planning to go to a therapist. I'm feeling so tired but so scared to go to bed cuz at nights it gets worse and worse and I keep waking up from nightmares and those awful thoughts that I can't control anymore.
Last night i had some melatonin to help me fall asleep. It gave me really vivid creepy nightmares. I was hallucinating and couldn't sleep. I'm desperate