Hello everyone! I'm 19 years old, I've been a drug addict for 5 years, I quit 6 months ago, and I suffer from anxiety. My biggest fear is dying, which is explainable due to the fact that I overdosed on many occasions during my drug spree, but one time it was really bad, I almost died, a traumatic event which really left a scar.. and my father died when I was 1 year old. I assume these two traumatic events are the fuel to my anxiety.
I've been fighting really hard, but not many things have changed.. I don't really get panic attacks nowadays. If something unusual happens I just get to a point where I'm really scared, but I manage to calm myself down before It gets worse. I've been through it so many times, practice makes perfect I guess.. I get all kinds of weird sensations, and aches all over my body, which are also a cause for believing that I will die in the near future. Stuff like very sharp, stabbing headache in the left side of my head, near the temple. Or long lasting headaches, throbbing pain. Feels like a migraine or a cluster headache, or maybe it's a tension one, I don't even know. I'm afraid of having aneurysm or brain tumor. I am afraid of dying because of a cerebral attack since sometimes I feel weird things in my head like blood leaking inside my skull. I am afraid of dying because of a heart attack since I feel all kinds of weird sensations around my chest, sometimes it's a short lasting stabbing pain around my heart, other times it's a dull pain. Also I'm very tense all the time.
Will this ever go away?
Sometimes I break and I get depressed because I feel like I can't take it anymore.
I have trouble falling asleep, but I always use a breathing technique which seems to help. Obviously when I practice it, at night, it feels like I'm never going to fall asleep, but eventually I do. Unfortunatelly the next day, when I wake up, I feel like a zombie, like I've been braught back from the dead. I always need 30 to 60 minutes to recover. Sometimes I wake up and I can't even get out of bed, that's how worn out I feel. I think it's because of the everyday stress and anxiety. It wears me down, and by the end of the day I am drained because of so much awerness of my surroundings and myself. It's like I'm always on edge. I rarely wake up during sleep, usually I just sleep like a brick, but when I do wake up, it really sucks trying to go back to sleep.
Also, I can't sleep at all during the afternoon, because if I do, when I wake up I feel like the whole world just collapsed on my head. I don't know what's up with that. If anyone has an explanation, I'll be glad to read it.
Well that's pretty much all, without going into too many details. Looking forward to your opinions.
Best of wishes, morshie