hi

[fred1996]

hi ,

I'm new on here , but have recently joined the smoking cessation group , as I'm trying to quit smoking aswell .

Earlier this year , for the first time ever , I experienced a few panic / anxiety attacks . I've suffered with , what I would refer to , as situational type depression in the past (breakdown of a 20 year marriage , and youngest child living between me and his father , took some adjusting too after Id been his main carer as such ) , still , came through that , then have had a succession of difficult situations , bereavement of both parents , sibling fallout over estate , etc , children grown up , and now potential job loss . first time ever had anxiety issues ,couldn't leave the house without crying and nervousness , happened a few times , even after work one evening , then gradually has subsided . then had sinus type illnesss which hasn't recovered properly , now potential surgery looming , trying to stop smoking , and the underlying shaky feeling back again with a vengeance ?. also sometimes feel like I'm holding my breath ?? , and dizzy / faint / nausea . don't know whether its anxiety / smoking cessation or sinus related , ? , but it seems to be staying the same , if not getting worse ? , any help would be appreciated .

have had sinus trouble for years , but only intermittently , this time facial swelling for last 6 weeks or so . usually get headaches , occ dizziness , but now got ear pressure also with it , and seems to be exaggerated by temperature differences . esp cold (air conditioning at work )

smoked for last 20 years ish , at worst 20 a day , though normally between 10 -15. cut down over last month , to maybe 5/6 per day . none at work (none for 9 hours at a time ) , did 1 week smoke free, had a couple , now started again smoke free (24 hours ) ,

anxiety as above , no medication just had counselling , and started swimming and walking .

no other illnesses etc ,except low dose HRT for ?menopause symnptoms and course of steroids 3 weeks ago to help sinus prob , though it didn't help !!

any thoughts / help / people with similar experiences / symptoms , anything at all would be appreciated

many thanks in advance

[Hidden]

Hello & Welcome

I nearly had anxiety for you ! what an awful lot you have been going through and still are !

I know you say you overcame one thing and then another and now it is back but I have noticed sometimes when I have thought I have got over one episode it as actually been lingering in the background and then the next thing joins it and the next until I am feeling anxious and wonder where it has all come from , but it is like I have been collecting the anxiety till it burst's open where I actually feel it and need help , I am more aware though over the years that I have a habit of doing this so it does not have the same power or shock element as it used to and I ride the wave as they say till it all dies down again which it does

The menopause , well I could write a few pages on that one , I have been going through it 10 years , cannot take HRT and I have been worse in myself , getting tearful , more anxious , lack of sleep which never helps the mood so that could also be playing a big contribution

I am a smoker and well done having a good attempt at stopping , I have never even got that far and deep down I know I should and if you do it that is fantastic but if you keep slipping or you feel you are not ready yet then I would not give myself a bad time because I have friends that had several attempts before they finally stopped and the way they explained it the times they slipped up were practice round till they got to do the real thing

I also have Sinus problems , so many with anxiety seem to , but I know smoking does not help , I get really bad infections in fact just got over one and they make you so run down and feel so low so again this will not be helping how you feel

Have you had your blood tests done for things like , iron , vitamin D etc

I have found and it could be anxiety , age , menopause but since the menopause I have had low iron and vitamin D and had to go on meds for both , if you have not had them checked it might be worth asking to even though with some Doctors you have to push them a bit to agree

I know you said you have had Counselling and many have and it has helped but then they get to a stage where they get a little lost again and life seems and has got to overwhelming and have gone back for some more , I think this is something I would consider doing again with everything you are dealing with

You will always have somewhere to come and talk with others now you have joined the Community that even if we don't have all the answers we understand how it feels , so you are never alone

Take Care x

[fred1996 in reply to Hidden]

oh my , thankyou so much for the reply , you more or less sound like a mirror image of me ! , has made me feel better to know someone suffers from the same things ? . I live alone now , and at the moment I'm finding it hard to even try to make new friends or whatever , just want to hide away. yet , I used to always try and get out , the 'situations ' I got in didn't stop me for too long . however this time , I seem to be really struggling , so knowing someone with the same symptoms is out there is helping tremendously .

this particular infection of time started after doing some DIY , with headaches / post nasal drip etc . id started swimming , and went to the pool , used the steam room (bad move??), over the course of the next ten days , id noticed I was becoming more fatigued ,then woke up one morning, with swelling down the side of my nose and felt lousy , had 3 lots antibiotics / oral steroids and nose drops , but is still more or less the same . (just no fever now ) . I personally think its nasalpolyps , whichprobably wont be able to be removed without surgery (hence I'm trying to quit smoking , as they recommend 4 weeks before surgery and 2 weeks after , otherwise the healing is rubbish ) , also both my parents died of cancer( though one was an ex smoker of nearly 30 years , and the other didn't smoke at all ) , and of couse the usual, money , cant smoke on site at work anyway , and although I enjoy a cigarette , I work for the health service , and know I shouldn't !

feel at the moment like I'm either clinging onto people (one male friend in particular ) , or pushing people away . (daughter getting married next year , haven't heard the last of it since last jun e (yes last june !!!) is causing tension in what was a close relationship between us ,, and also more or lesscoming home from wotk and goingto bed , as no energy at all , and got all the symptoms of dzzyness , vertigo and such like . feellike the GP thinks I'm making some of itup , as says he cant see anything in my ears etc , though emergency gp who I saw twice , said I had a temperature . don't know whether some of this is anxiety related ?? . then the thought of hospital makes me scared stiff !!" , cant seem to win at all , and the gp quite reluctant to refer me . ? , when I had a few cigarettes and gave into my cravings , I felt better for a while ,but notforlong ! , sothat didn't really help either .

thankyou though for sharing your story ,as it has made me feel less alone

xxx

[Hidden in reply to fred1996]

You are not alone

I think again this is something we do we either cling to someone or push them away , I am guilty of pushing people away , I think that could be low self esteem thinking I will push you away before you go to save you the trouble and only after do I realize what I have done even though I do now try opening up more to people about how I feel as again I have realized if they don't know how can they take it into consideration ?

Not sure if you are like me with this Sinus thing but I get the nasal drip etc but now I actually do keep getting an ear infection in the same ear and it happens 2 to 3 times a year and each time I end up on antibiotics feeling like rubbish , I also sort of can tell once I have finished the course over a period of time it building back up again , I start getting more hot flushes , headaches , and just feeling tired and generally unwell and then low and behold I end up at the Doctors and it is back again , I have never been given any answers to why but like I hear in you I am getting frustrated with it all and maybe it could be an anxiety thing as anxiety can be very powerful but then when I am so ill with the infection it does make me think surely not ?

If I find the answer to all this I will let you be the first to know x

Nearly forgot , I lost my Mum and recently my Dad and there has been a family feud going on over the last year or so , that has got me down and I have been finding physically I feel worse , it does put a lot of pressure on us

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

.........

[jrcnpg]

I empathise with you completely. I, too, had to go through a rather messy divorce, my ex-wife being the complainant after meeting some one at work. The divorce itself, as you will know, is relatively quick but we both petitioned for residency (custody) of the three children and the case was listed at Court then cancelled then re-listed and once again cancelled. It took three and a half years for the case actually to be heard in front of the Judge. I have suffered from anxiety/depression and other related psychiatric problems for the whole of my life which meant that my ex-wife was in employment whilst I stayed home to look after the children. What she proposed absolutely astounded me. She remarked that I should move out of the matrimonial home, go back at seven to get the children ready for school, go back to wherever she thought I may be living, go and collect the children from school and then when she finished work I would leave. She simply could not accept the fact that what she proposed was nothing short of glorified babysitting. Anyhow the Judge ruled in my favour and a Court Order was made for the children to live with me with reasonable access to the mother. On one visitation, during the long summer holidays, she did not bring the children back as agreed. I thought nothing of it since it was the long summer holiday but after three weeks I began to feel unsettled. I found out through a neighbour of mine that she had taken the children to Australia. I have not seen them since. That aggravated my psychiatric problems enormously resulting in my being sectioned spending four months in the local psychiatric unit. I loved and still love my children with every fibre of my being even though they are now aged 33, 27 and 24 and I am becoming very weary of people telling me that they know where I am and would make contact which I deeply believe that that is not the case.

Sinus problems I have never suffered from. Has your GP not referred you to a consultant for a sinus wash? Just a thought since, as I said, I have no experience of such problems.

I, too, smoke and have tried many, many times to quit but do not think I ever shall be cigarette free. I wouldn't worry yourself about quitting when you have so many ongoing problems. The time will come.

Sorry for the rant.

I wish you well.

John

[fred1996 in reply to jrcnpg]

hi john ,

sorry to take so long to reply , I was at work when reading your message and couldn't reply to you . so sorry to hear your story , life certainly does present us with some challenges doesn't it . ?

I hope at the moment you are managing ok with your situation , I'm feeling very left out in the cold , but hoping I can move on to find genuine people to be with .

at the moment I'm waiting for my gp to refer me to an ENT specialist . ive an apt next Thursday with him , after taking lord knows how many courses of meds ??!!

Its very strange as I don't really have a next of kin as such . m daughter I guess , though lately we don't have a very close relationship at all . Ive a male friend who has offered to help out if I need surgery , but I feel I'm clinging on to him of late , its a strange situation . I have a son , who is in Sweden at the moment with his girlfriend , he normally is at university and lives away anyway , so life is very strange . I don't know what happened to me really , a bouncy person who knew lots of people , and was always there for them all , has now become a hermit who other than working , barely leaves the house . sometimes I go swimming or walking , but I just seem todo the same thing of saying hello to people ,abut making no real connections anymore . I'm finding it really hard to reach out to people , except for on the internet like this , and even this has taken some doing . ive had counselling ,as I said , but although its helped , it hasn't solved anything really.

anyway

pleasekeep in touch , let me know how you are getting on too , and don't worry about the rant , its good , for you , and for me to hear someone understands how I'm feeling , and I can totally understand you .

take care in the meantime

sue

[jrcnpg in reply to fred1996]

Thanks for your remarks Sue. Life is strange, isn't it? One moment you have children there (for me at least) and everything seems okay with the world, the next moment they are adults, strangers who you have not met before (again in my case at least) and then all that is left is the memory of them being toddlers, youngsters saying the wrong things at the wrong time to the wrong people! My eldest son once asked when he would have then been four or five why the lady was wearing curtains (this is in the dentists) and it turned out that she was a nun! I'm a giggler at the best of times but how on earth I managed to stop myself from having a damned good belly laugh I do not know.

I do rant, Sue and I think it is obvious why. I miss my children like mad and I don't think I shall ever see them again. Not only do I have all of these mental health issues I am diabetic and at the moment my blood glucose levels have been rising sharply. Last year my GP sent for an ambulance to take me to hospital four times yet I discharged myself four times. In a way my psychiatrist thinks that doing things like that is a sign of self harm and in a way I can understand that.

I, too, find it difficult to meet other people except, as you said, over the internet. When the only things people share is words then I am fine with that when the words come not from my mouth but from my fingers. That sounds very strange doesn't it?

Your next of kin would have to be your daughter from a legal point of view although your male friend can act as a substitute if he signs the disclaimer they will present you with.

You keep in touch, Sue. As you said, contact even in this strange way is better than nothing at all.

John

[fred1996]

yes I can relate to the children as toddlers etc ! , my son used to tell people I worked at a hostible! (hospital !!) ,

seems like yesterday ? , don't get me wrong , I'm lucky n the fact that I still see them , but after about Christmas time this year, it dawned on me that they are now grown up , and its almost like I ive donr my job , and mean nothing now ?? , its just a very strange feeling for me . my parents now gone , and no other family as such . in fact , my colleagues at work are more family to me than my family (siblings ) ever really were ? , I just cant believe how bouncy and kind of outgoing I was , to end up like this really ?? ,

ive managed to not smoke since last Tuesday (despite a few on Monday night , which were not counting !!and seeing as just a blip ) ,. I need to stop just incase I need surgery , and just really to feel I'm doing all I can in my sinus war ??!!, air conditioning in shops and at work seems to be the main culprit in setting it off now ive noticed , though I'm still convinced I have nasal polyps which will need surgically removing?, anyway , I'm doing well considering , and hopin to continue , despite the fact I could lieterally smoke anything that would roll up to look like a cigarette !!!!!

as for the surgery , my male friend is mainly emotional support to be honest . we were in a relationship , but it wasn't really working like that , and hes very much just wanting someone to enjoy time with , not the whole committed thing . , though . I totally believe he cares genuinely , and would see me back on my feet . I don't really feel close to anyone though at the moment , just feel miles away from everything I ever knew . feels quite scary ? , anyway , takegood care , and let me know how youre getting on , is good to have a friend out there xx