Another sleepless night and another emotional day.
Minding my own business, at work with the boys, all of a sudden chest cramps, restlessness, heart pounding, then the panic sets in when I think I feel irratic heart beats and thuds in my chest and then it's time to go on the roller coaster of 100% being convinced and thinking you are having a heart attack and in immediate danger if you don't get medical attention.
Tried to tough it out. Why as a guy I feel the need to do this I'll never understand. 30min later it's winning and just stressing me out more. Comes in strong waves and eventually tips me over the edge into full blown panic mode and my mates are dropping work and driving me to a local doctor.
He checks me out and he doesn't think I'm having or just had a heart attack but signs me up for a immediate heart stress test on Thursday. Changes my medications around and wants me to report back Friday when it's all done. Which is more than any other doctor has helped me in a while.
I clam down at the doctors office and am keen to get home and rest, so I head home but then it happens again much much worse and end up at hospital having completely lost control of the pains, palpitations and obviously the fear that I'm having a heart attack.
This would be the 3rd time in 2 1/2 weeks.
First time was bad. Incredible crushing pain in the chest for an hour. Heart pounding. Wet feeling in my chest. Butterflies in my chest. Full feeling that tenses and releases to the rhythm of my heart beat and obviously once it becomes too much my heart rate takes off like its at the races and I can't control it and I'm laying on the grouse terrified screaming for an ambulance.
Second time was a lot quicker and a lot more severe and happened while I was riding my dirt bike. Heart rate was already very high and I was tired and all of the sudden it all hit and my heart rate jumped up to 200bpm and I was just sitting on the ground holding my chest thinking I was dying.
Each time doctors say my ecg is good and bloods and good. Few things out of the ordinary but nothing to be concerned about and send me home traumatised from the ordeal of in my opinion just having had a heart attack. synthetic or genuine I don't know but I do know there is something seriously wrong with my oesophagus and reflux, indigestion. Just don't know if it's causing me to have severe panic attacks that convince me I'm dying or if the symptoms are from an underlying heart condition.
Been dealing with this for 5 years now and my health has severely deteriorated as a result.
Used to me the fittest, strongest most active guy you'd ever meet and now I've become someone that gets puffed and has my heart rate racing just waking up stairs.
I race motorbikes, just about the most physical thing you can do besides running a marathon and my health being poor severely effects this now. Didn't used to but really dose now and now I'm scared after the event last week when riding that this might take the one thing I live for away from me.
History would suggest I'll be fine.
Been through this many times and always seem to improve but the last 2 1/2 weeks have come out of no where and been so much worse than anything in the past. Past events were for sure panic attacks from heart attack like symptoms but the last few weeks are about as convincing as they can be that I was dying.
I'm on a few different medications.
Have been on somac the last few months. 40mg in the morning for reflux. Isn't helping.
Was previously on nexium 40mg which worked really well and had my cramps, indigestion symptoms to a minimum compared to now. I still threw up when exercised a lot, still got cramps and a whole other list of issues but they were manageable as long as it wasn't a severely hot day.
Now it's insane and most nights I don't sleep. I have such bad indigestion, gas, cramps and pains that I get stuck in a vicious loop for hours every night when I try to sleep. Will be so tired I'm falling asleep sitting up but the moment I fall asleep I was up screaming burping and gasping for air because of gas a cramps in my chest. Then it'll happen again 30seconds later. Repeat this 50 times over 3-4 hours and I feel so awful the next day I can't even tell you. This has been going on for months and ever since my anxiety medication dose was dropped.
I take avanza miratazapine 15mg every night and it's not working at all. 2 years ago when I stated it it really helped. Was stressed out and over worked and upped the dose to 30 which was fine I think but bad things in my life was happening and symptoms were returning So I was upped to 45mg.
I became zombie like. No feeling and flat, very tired all the time. When I did feel something it was extreme sadness or extreme rage and anger and was doing dumb shit on the motorbike. No concern for my safety or consequences and had some big scary crashes as a result. So I asked to be taken down to 15mg and I changed a few things in my life, changed jobs, moved house etc all to try and help the stress in my life. But clearly hasn't worked since I'm worse off than I was before. Being constant scared I'm going to die from a heart attack and having constant symptoms 24/7 is ruining me. Can't go to work. Can't exercise because I'm too scared. Not eating because it makes the symptoms worse and not sleeping because well I can't.
While with the doctor today he changed my medication to try and get me through the next couple of days and put me on alepam 30mg and told me to take half a tablet 20min bed which should knock me out and give me some sleep before I get this heart test to put my mind at ease or find the cause of my possible heart problems.
It worked and it knocked me out for about 4 hours but it's 5am and I've been awake having panic attacks for the last 2 hours. Numb left arm and hand. Left side of chest pain and heat pounding etc. all the usual mild panic attacks I have. Few a day.
My question is does anyone even remotely suffer form something similar? I'm not an anxious person. I don't have generalised anxiety. It's very specific. I race motorbikes for bloody sake. But when I get these heart attack related symptoms I can't handle it and I'm terrified of getting these symptoms some days to the point it makes me bed ridden.
I want to see a psychologist and will go to the doctor tomorrow to get a referral because again this is ruining my life and out of control and I need serious help. But I just don't know where to start you know. So much crazy stuff is happening to me it's hard to pin point where I need to start.
Fingers crossed this has distracted me long enough from the symptoms I can get some sleep.