Depressed Significant Other?

Hi all! I hoped to come here because I know people aren't judgmental.

Ive been with my guy for almost 5 years. We're in our early 20s. He's the sweetest and we rarely fight, we're very close to each other and are very understanding. I come from a very open family and he doesnt although his family is nice just not very close. He's introverted and not into parties which we have in common (although I am an extrovert). We're both achievers and he graduated top of his batch in University almost a year ago and is now working at a government agency. Im still in university at the moment. We've been through an LDR for a year (not seeing each other since we were countries apart) but are now together in the same area for the last two years. Needless to say weve had a pretty stable and strong relationship.

Lately however he's been so busy with work that he's always down and sad. We were disagreeing quite a bit and I went on about how I felt neglected (I know how dramatic ugh) and once he suddenly opened up his fears about me leaving again for another country and saying stuff like do I think we'll make it and all that. Things went down and up from here. This became better after a while after we talked and he said those were all hypothetical questions only. He was still the sweet guy who looked out for me and said Im the only girl in his life and how he only sees the future with me. Noticeably though in the past month he's been out of sorts and he said he felt empty and sad but that it has nothing to do with me, he still treats me like the love of his life but lately he cancels plans and prefers to stay at home in his room alone. He says he doesnt know what he's feeling just needs more me time to figure himself out. He still says sweet things but is obviously always pretty down and tired. He says he thinks a factor might be that Im leaving and that he is having a work rut and is unexcited about work and the heavy traffic (here in asia) everyday stresses the shit out of him. His comments of feeling empty and sad have concerned me to think he is somewhat depressed. I have been supportive and he appreciates it a lot and says he doesnt know what he would be without my support (I want to support him as I am an advocate of mental health and have had anxiety before). He isnt the upbeat guy although he still laughs and says he loves me misses me and enjoys being with me. He just doesnt go out as much or doesnt like people around as much.

I dont know why Im posting maybe I need support as a lover of a person who may be depressed. Of course because of the stigma on mental health here and the expensive healthcare here and his belief that he can solve it alone have made it hard for me to convince him to get help (plus he's a guy who believes in "dignity" and self preservation to avoid embarrassment which is common in our culture as southeast asians). I wonder what can I do ti help him in the meantime and is it possible that self help books can help him through this? I dont know if this is mild or moderate or severe depression or if it is depression at all or just a one time thing. I just need a bit of help in supporting him. I love this guy very much and will not leave him during this time.

5 Replies

  • Sounds like he might be slightly depressed.i myself have depression as well,and believe me he just needs someone to talk to,and to support him.and it sounds like your a very supportive girlfriend,and thats what he needs most right now.your doing a great job by coming on and asking for advise,you must really love him.hes lucky to have someone like you there for him.i hope he gets better soon.

  • Thank you so much. Yesterday when I very politely told him I was upset and hurt that he'd cancel a lunch we had, he went on to say he's so sorry and that he loves me but if I wanted to leave him I should leave because he can't stand hurting me. I asked him if he really wanted to break up and he said no he doesnt want it but if it's too much for me I should leave him. I told him he's the love of my life and will always be there for him. He then invited me for lunch and we had a great time though he was down he said he loved me a lot and opened up about what he was feeling. Thanks for replying. How have your relationships gone?

  • My relationships havent gone too well in the past and im not currently seeing anyone at the moment.and its good yall had some time to yourselfs and went out together.its very good to get out of the house when your depressed.

  • Thank you! I hope this is just mild even though I know it can be worse than I think. He's still pretty outgoing just not as outgoing as before. Can you tell me how they havent gone well? Was it related to your depression?

  • No it wasnt related to my depression,most guys down here like to party and cheat too much

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