I wanted some advice. I'm naturally a private person, but I'll say my dilemma in a nutshell. First , I wanted to state ..ALL of my relationships in the past went sour. I went through infidelity ( only one ex ) , betrayal, lies , neglect , & abuse. Even after all of this , I still stand , with my guard up , but optimistic that there's love out there. I do have trouble expressing myself. I have such a tough exterior but on the inside , as sweet as pie lol. I've only recently come face to face , with my past. I'm getting through the emotional scars & letting them heal finally. It's not an overnight emotional process , but when I'm finished & healed , I know I'll be overwhelmingly happy.
For my dilemma, I met this guy & we are great together. We have been dating for 3 1/2 months thus far . The chemistry is like a slow burning flame. It's amazing . He listens , he's sweet , he lets me vent . I am getting feelings for him. But , my anxiety has me scared..& while he's been amazing, I've been doing things to try & push him away. He's even called me out on that once . I think I messed up for real though. He's getting tired of me always wanting to leave or back out of dating him ..I've only expressed that I'm unsure of how he feels about me. But something tells me that's my anxiety talking . I want to be his girlfriend..I want to continue dating him & build something with him. I feel like he's that guy , that man I could do that with. These kind of feelings are overwhelming to me, however. I'm so used to being hurt , like it's all I know. But I've recently let myself know , through some cleansing period , I had, reflecting on things..that I am worth love..I am a beautiful woman inside & out. I STILL have anxiety when it comes to trusting men , however.
I messed things up recently , sending him texts that were honestly petty . I have to learn to be open with him & my Self. Well, the texts were misinterpreted & we got into a fight. I've asked for a chance to explain everything & profess my feelings to him & im soooooo anxious y'all lol ..I don't want to get tongue tied. He means a bunch to me. Well the advice , what are ways I could let go of my anxiety & take this leap of faith in a new relationship with him ? I know I should be open & honest when I see him in person , & explain EVERYTHING. I don't want him to feel like he's not doing enough , when he is , plus I haven't given him a chance to show me anything . I suck :/ ..oh & he's been hurt also ..so thought I'd mention that. But , I look at it like , we'd both be healing energy to each other , from our tarnished pasts . That would be such a powerfully liberating & loving thing & would make our bond stronger . I only hope he replies to my messages or calls me back & gives us a chance to meet up & talk . Well any advice would be great, on how to over come relationship anxiety.. & I'll update on how things go , if I'm given a chance to tlk with him lol