Long story short, back in March I broke up with my ex. It was a bad relationship filled with midnight bailouts from crimes I still haven't been informed of, to being cheated on, contacting a STI from him, letting him live with me for a week while he was practically homeless, I gave him my world and he threw my heart into the dirt. It wasn't all bad, there are times I'll never forget, he was my first, he was the best cook out there, he used to sing to me and at one point we were both happy. For four months I haven't spoken to or seen him. Tonight I decided to come to terms with the "seeing him" part and decided to look at his Facebook page thinking it probably wasn't up. Come to find out he's met the love of his life the "most beautiful woman who makes him so incredibly happy and God blessed him with this lady when he was least expecting it" and I'm sitting here... alone.. wondering what on earth she has that I don't? I don't want him back, but I can't help but wonder... how can the one that broke me into a million pieces seem like he's too notch husband material... in a way it was kind of helpful... seeing that its what I had been dreading... but I don't know. I'd just like to hear others experiences and would appreciate some advice. It was weird to see, sad even for a little but now I just am confused and emotionally compromised..
I see a man who destroyed me: Long story... - Anxiety Support
I see a man who destroyed me
My therapist's piece of advice to me was to always realize relationship and situation are two different things. One is emotional and the other is physical.
You sound like you are still grieving for the loss of the relationship with the person (emotional)
I am glad that you are no longer in a bad situation all the stuff you have to cope with (physical).
If you want to talk we are here for you in the forum 24/7 
The guy has simply 'moved on' to his next victim.
He sounds like he is a narcissist , they can spot a vulnerable person at 100 yards, they 'Hoover' you in, you become dependant on them emotionally, they then begin the sport they enjoy most, destroying (your own words) your sense of self, your self confidence, they belittle you...but occasionally they will throw you a little juicy bone, take you out, pay you a compliment,.....this being quickly followed by more abuse...you feel that you are living on a knife-edge.....that you might even be slightly imagining it...YOU ARE LUCKY, YOU HAVE EXCAPED A FUTURE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BAD IT CAN GET......eventually they usually use physical abuse, alienate you from family and friends, isolate you to fain complete co trol, even keep you shut in your room (how do I know ?-because I have been there!!)
Now the other poor woman is going to have to go through what you have been through.
You need to wipe this guy from your mind.
He used you, for whatever reason, whether to boost his own lack of normal feelings, or to make himself feel powerful and in co trol of you.
If you want to be convinced look online..look up 'drama triangle' and 'power wheel' and read up about the way domestic abuse affects the victim.
There is help out there, I am taking psychology lessons, and the only way you can escape this character (as they usually come back for more control while with the new victim) is to STEP OUTSIDE of thier triangles.
See him for what he really is.
Read: LOVE DOESNT HURT.
Good luck, I'm 76 and have had 40 years being treated this way...and worse....have just divorced him, but he cannot give up even now, it's the control, they cannot control themselves, so need to control others.
You are young, please don't let this guy ruin your future.
PLEASE TELL YOURSELF: I am stronger then him, I will get through this.
HE HAS NOT DESTROYED YOU......just made you see him as he really is...NIT WORTH KNOWING...YOU ARE WORTH BETTER.
I hope you find a good man, considerate and careing....HAVE BOUNDARIES !...if you feel used, walk away..BE STRONG...this is your life.
Good luck..X
I think I am. I think that it was my first real heartbreak, the kind that changes you as a person. I'm not sure I will ever fully be healed per-say, but I've learned a lot.
Some of us are older than you and have had our hearts shattered, shredded or broken and ask WHY?
Your heart has many rooms in it. Each one can keep the good and the bad of a love, and you will close the door on that room in time.
PTSDforyears, I like the part about the heart has many rooms in it. It's so true.
You will be fully healed when you meet the right guy for you...look at it as part of a learning curve...don't jump into the next relationship in a hurry, notice whether he always wants his own way, how he treats other people, if he seems intolerant, tells you what to wear, how to do your hair......HAVE BOUNDARIES.....your life from now on should be about YOU...what YOU ?want....don't sell yourself short..go out there and get yourself some fun and happiness. X
Well honey I'm 28 I met my first love at 13 till this day he still continues to mess with my head.... I've bailed him out of jail drove three hours to do it just for him to ditch the next morning... Let him live with me found out he was in drugs kicked him out.... He got married has two kids now and still says he is coming back for me that he loves me and he is getting a divorce ... Which he did divorce her after seven years two kids later... I let him back in and he bailed agin.... He was my everything since I was a kid so I know how it feels to be broken..
?HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WHILE YOU LET HIM BACK IN, YOU ARE 'enabling' him to treat you any way he wants.
Umph! If you want to feel good and not sad, stop looking at FaceBook, as everybody posts only the great things in their lives, even if it's information exaggerated. No one actually has that great a life always posted on Facebook. No one posts the cra*.
So HE was the one to post, not the woman. That's significant.
Interpretation: He's found another woman who he can suck dry and continue his less than desirable lifestyle until she gets tired of him, or he finds another woman to use.
There should be rules for good people with anxiety:
1. No Google
2. No Facebook
3. No Wikipedia
In a few months, you will see the best thing he did for you was to get the he** out of your life. Promise.
?SO TRUE
I bet you it will not last I give it 6 months and he'll be kicked out these people are in a world of their own.
Your better off withowithout him
Believe.
I appreciate everyone's input. I'm only 20, and I think I have a hard time letting go being that I always choose to see the good in people (halo effect) even if sometimes that good may just be in my head. I slept on it and woke up with a more clear and understanding mind. Thank you all again, I appreciate your words of wisdom!
You're SO YOUNG....I could be your gran !!! The world is so different now from when I was 20. I married at 23 first child at 26, was married to an alcoholic....I knew he was but he was fun and exciting and very good looking, I sang in his pop group.....I had 3 children....he put me through hell with the women and drink, but he was my first love, he died 5 years ago, still claimed to love me even though he left me for a 16 year old barmaid at the time...she became his drinking buddy and they married eventually. I don't regret that time but I learned from it.
It is the stuff you are going through right now that will make you strong for whatever lies ahead, so be proud of yourself, be confident, you can do it girl...and we are here should you need encouragement.x
I'm sorry you've been faced with this situation. I'm in a similar one, just not the cheating part. So, I do know how you feel. It hurts. The thing is, you're not out there filling your wounds with someone else, which is a good thing. You're taking time to heal. Him, on the other hand, was never into the relationship to begin with or he just grabbed the next person and it will eventually be the same thing. Try to stay off his Facebook. It's only going to hurt you. Keep busy with positive things and try not to think about things with him. Keep trying to heal, and you eventually will. It takes time, sucks, and hurts, but will happen. Praying for you!
I was doing well not thinking about him and then it just popped in my mind and I thought why not
I know. It happens to me too. I try not to think about the situation but there comes times where it's just inevitable. Just keep strong, you'll get through this.
Xoxochellebell
Reading your story was like reliving my past n trust me it wasn't once but a few times - what does anyone do to deserve this ? the answers are not always found - yet we tend to always think WE have done something wrong or hadn't done something we should have- am I right or what so far ? The only answer comes when we actually meet the right person because they are ones who love us unconditionally and build their whole world around you and give you the love you deserve to have - trust me- I went through Shit for what felt like a lifetime - to finally meet a man who I since married and would honestly say I would go through the gates of hell and beyond if I knew at the end of it I would find such a wonderful loving awesome husband that I have now - so please don't fault yourself for anything because that special someone is out there for you and one day you will remember this message and know I was telling you the truth . Your worth more than ruining your happiness for this man - make yourself first priority and pamper yourself and firstly learn to love and respect yourself - the beauty will shine from you in a smile that'll light up a room - n that's when someone lucky will see you n fall in love big time with you . Take care n shine sweetheart . Elle
I have a feeling he knew you were too good for him. FELT GUILT FOR BEING AWFUL TO YOU AND NEEDED TO START FRESH. He will prove himself and this new girl will be left hurt and broken too. Trust me.
Do not let this man make you feel less than. It has happened to the best of us...usually the kind and sensitive woman.
CHEER UP AND BE THANKFUL HE CANNOT HURT YOU ANYMORE.
XO
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