Giving up

My name is Jess and I'm 24. I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic. I've suffered with nervousness and anxiety since I was a child. Two years ago I started having panic attacks on the way to work, eventually so bad that I had a nervous breakdown and quit that job. I started drinking everyday to numb how I felt. After being clean and sober and mostly panic free for 7.5 months last year, I relapsed. I lost an amazing relationship because of this, many friends and my family wanted nothing to do with me. I went to what was supposed to be long term treatment; the faith based rehabilitation facility I was at was closed after me only being there for two weeks due to one of the owners resigning.  I've been back in recovery for 78 days. I'm currently living at a halfway house with 16 other people. I have just started a new job. Every evening when I get home I'm emotionally drained. I wake up in a panic every morning for no apparent reason. The rest of the day is spent obsessing about how anxious and sad I feel, then freaking out because I have to go home and face all those people. I had one panic attack recently that has triggered this constant anxiety. I'm terrified of social groups, and struggle to just be okay when sitting eating dinner with my housemates. I'm at the point where I'm feeling so depressed because I can never feel normal, that I just want to end it all. I'm tired of being tired. I just wanna have hope again and feel joy. I'm seeing a wonderful psychologist who unfortunately can only see me every second Monday. I don't know what to do. I'm back on meds, lexamil 20mg and seroquel 25mg, three times a day to help control it, but its recently just got worse. I know if I go back to using drugs and alcohol to try and control how I'm feeling, I will end up on the street and die a very sad and lonely death. 

4 Replies

  • Hi peacejess

    Firstly nice to meet someone from the same country..

    You are going through such a bad and emotional rollercoaster i really feel you in your statements...

    Being young and struggling with anxiety emotionally and physical manifestations is horrible.

    My heart goes out to you i understand how bad it must be living with this and then still have to be facing allot of strangers at the end of the day feeling drained and just full of pain.

    I too work so each day is a new way i tell myself to just trust have faith God is doing this with the end of the day i feel so tired and my body in so much pain everywhere but i go home spend time with my 2 beautiful baby girls but i do it because i push myself and i try to still live and not just get by...

    I am here for you anytime if you need to talk and just want some advice.

    God is good all the time.

    Welcome to the group


  • Don't give up, I am sorry to hear what you're going through, I really hope you get better but trust me you're not alone and you had 7 months of happiness, you can do this again and you're not alone on relapsing, it happens but you can't let it run your life, you will make it through and you're a good person, you will live a normal life once again 😊 we're all here to support you and don't go back to drinking and drugs, you can do this stay strong and may God bless you 

  • Hi Jess. Please don't give up. I know that's easier said than done. But know that you can and will feel normal once again. As I read your message I can feel your pain. My heart goes out to you. You're doing great right now and you're back on the right track. Try keep positive thoughts with you. The good is on the way. Don't forget to write to this community anytime you need help or just for a chat. Take care.

  • Hi guys, Thank you so much, I'm feeling a little better. Realised that most of the time I obsess about how I feel so when I feel anxious I make it worse. I'm not going to give up, just wanna know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It's really cool to have found a community that understands and to know that I'm not alone. I will be posting up more often as this really helps...

You may also like...