My name is Jess and I'm 24. I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic. I've suffered with nervousness and anxiety since I was a child. Two years ago I started having panic attacks on the way to work, eventually so bad that I had a nervous breakdown and quit that job. I started drinking everyday to numb how I felt. After being clean and sober and mostly panic free for 7.5 months last year, I relapsed. I lost an amazing relationship because of this, many friends and my family wanted nothing to do with me. I went to what was supposed to be long term treatment; the faith based rehabilitation facility I was at was closed after me only being there for two weeks due to one of the owners resigning. I've been back in recovery for 78 days. I'm currently living at a halfway house with 16 other people. I have just started a new job. Every evening when I get home I'm emotionally drained. I wake up in a panic every morning for no apparent reason. The rest of the day is spent obsessing about how anxious and sad I feel, then freaking out because I have to go home and face all those people. I had one panic attack recently that has triggered this constant anxiety. I'm terrified of social groups, and struggle to just be okay when sitting eating dinner with my housemates. I'm at the point where I'm feeling so depressed because I can never feel normal, that I just want to end it all. I'm tired of being tired. I just wanna have hope again and feel joy. I'm seeing a wonderful psychologist who unfortunately can only see me every second Monday. I don't know what to do. I'm back on meds, lexamil 20mg and seroquel 25mg, three times a day to help control it, but its recently just got worse. I know if I go back to using drugs and alcohol to try and control how I'm feeling, I will end up on the street and die a very sad and lonely death.
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